A new chapter, An empty nest, Drama school & Last year of Uni

Spendless

It's only mid afternoon but so far so good. Met with a friend and had a catch up. We went to a monthly cafe set up for ladies of a certain age,  was ok, not horrible but I'm just not sure it's for me. 

Have been contacted by somewhere insurance connected which I think is to do with me having a courtesy car but both times were inconvenient to talk and currently haven't the joined up thinking skills to engage. 

After cafe walked with friend to supermarket and picked up some treats for Halloween. Normally have the house decorated just so kids know it's ok to call - I never used to allow mine to call at undecorated houses, but just not had chance. Thinking of just putting a candle in a safe place and a couple of halloween themed glasses out and hope that's enough. For any  teens calling I go thru any unwanted  unused/neary new  toiletry/make up bags I have and give them out with a few sweets too - they love this. Despite the upstairs in dissarray I've managed to find a few bags for this.

Mr S told me I needed to 'get back on the horse' with regards to drving, so I've called on my parents in his car , who only live a few streets away. Dad still unwell and feeling lethargic. They are skipping visiting Nan today but Dad's relative is calling.

I'm at a wedding tomorrow. The groom's Mum is my childhood friend and as she's single she asked me to be her +1, I  bought a dress ages ago and was asked to avoid just about every colour of the sun to avoid clashes (wasn't friend's fault, she was just the messenger!) so found this one

https://www.roman.co.uk/abstract-plisse-twist-front-dress-14250778?gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=22263015066&gbraid=0AAAAACsLkkI-Y5LZX3vycDekm_r1vguRE&gclid=CjwKCAjwmenCBhA4EiwAtVjzmg5M0t2AB2IiBs2pYyrh3sE8HTShcYwa7HS_FM2HQ5MSFoFd0-BbsxoC4E4QAvD_BwE

It was on at a more discounted price when I bought it and it's now oos in my size so taking that as a win.It did sit quite low so Mum has put a couple of stitches in it, which has turned it to V neck rather than wrap across dress and looks better for it. I am teaming it with black accessories and black and gold jewellery. Looking forward to the wedding as some respite. 

Sorted out and paid  all the credit cards with Mr S before payment due and we get charged interest. Asked him to help me look at the insurance claim filling in on Sunday. 

Spendless

Had a notification from the tax man. Im owed £65 back. 

cbsexec

Hope you get things sorted and things improve from now on 

Humdinger1

Darling @Spendless sending hugs and I hope you have fun at the wedding.   A period of colourless routine is indicated; surely you've had enough hair-bleaching emergencies for the most dramatic requirements?! Keep going, you're fab; well done for speaking up.  Did you feel less stressed once it was all out there? Love Humdinger xx 

Spendless

Been awake for over an hour. Eventually gave in trying to return to sleep and got up, but doing nothing more strenuous than sitting in PJs and dressing gown and typing on here.

Last night it suddenly hit me that *if* Nan's infection had been worse and *if* Dad's had taken a more sinister turn and *if* my car crash had been worse then all 3 of us could have been gone this week, 3 generations wiped within days. That thought really shook me,I told Mr S and I said it made me realise we have got to stick to and focus on what we've talked about our short and longer term goals are as we head towards the next stage of our lives which is retirement. He agreed with me.. The next step in that direction is the painter and decorator coming to do our bedroom. I had been feeling that I am living in a squat as I'm in DD's bedroom with stuff everywhere and only the floor to put my wear again tomorrow clothes on top of the duvet from our bed and perodically the dog turns up and builds himself a bed out of the lot and dozes off and longing for the day our room is done but I think I'm going to embrace having no more upheaval for another week cos you are quite correct @Humdinger1 I need a period with 'nothingness' in it.

Nan seems to be medically on the mend but she is not functionally fit. I am glad I spoke up. I went to the hospital the day after my crash as previously planned even though I just wanted to go home after work because I knew it was a case of I had to speak now. I have told both parents that in the event Nan is discharged home with carers who subsequently stop calling within days (which has happened the last twice Nan has been in hospital) which has led to the default parents having to step in, then I will be putting in a call to adult social services over it. Apologies @KxMx I meant to say on an earlier reply 10 hospitalisations for your Mum this year - so an average of 1 a month and it's still being put on you to provide care. It beggars belief. Hope you're ok and yes you need to prioritse your own MH

Yesterday I spoke to Dad and asked what was his understanding of why he had a stent fitted in back in 2016 if it was news to both him and Mum that he had angina. He said it had been to do with his arteries. It's either not been explained properly or he's  not remembered or misunderstood or not grasped what was said. Mum didn't seem to know either but she fell and needed a hip replacement only 2 weeks after Dad's discharge and then was readmitted to hospital with pneumonia and spent several weeks recovering from that. They both had no memory of what I repeated to them how they had been told that Dad had had an angina attack after they had to speak to their travel/insurance company about changing the date of a hol due to medical advice that it was unwise for them to fly.

Last night I had 1 Halloween caller! Waste of time buying anything in! I think the damp, rain on and off and lack of decs at the house kept them away. Plus it's been half term here this week so I think a route of already decorated houses had probably been planned out.

75p in interest went into my Alternative Universe savings over my various pots. I moved the whole lot into jabberwocky and added another 25p to make it £73 sat in that pot. When my HMRC refund hits I intend moving that across too.

So plans for today. I need to shower and wash my hair, ready for Mum calling to blowdry it. Get dressed and Mr S is running me to the venue which is in a neighbouring town. Having forgotten to do so I've asked him to go and get me a wedding day card whilst Mum is here and I'll enclose some money for the bride and groom. 

Have a good weekend everyone.

KxMx

Mum had two admissions last year (one long) and one the year before that as well. 

I have existing physical health problems myself, without going into chapter and verse I pulled back a few months ago from what little I was doing by that point. 

I generally don't get involved at all and did clarify (without explanation) fairly recently that I don't get hands on with her care, after the assumption that I was/would bridge the gap of what Mum asked for (carer 3 mornings a week).

Thankfully instead of a re enablement care service specifically designed to be temporary, she was given a proper care agency and hopefully will be assessed correctly as still needing that level of help once the NHS funding expires (up to 6 weeks). 

Things are probably at a point now where some remote input from me is needed to ensure the right things are put in place for her, more hospital stays are inevitable sadly. 

Spendless

Thoroughly enjoyed the wedding. It was just what I needed, I remember thinking as I watched the bridal party photographed that there was just something about being all dressed up with a glass of prosecco in hand in the grounds of a beautiful hotel that just made you feel that you were in an enjoyable bubble and the rest of life was to be returned to later it wasnt for now.

Parents called yesterday morning when Mum did my hair. They said they were visiting Nan that afternoon but when I checked in with them later they hadnt gone, Dad saying he didnt feel well enough. DH had commented on how quiet and subdued my Dad had been when he called. Filling friend in everything that happened she asked me if the carers had stopped calling because Nan told them to. She said her step-mum had done that, despite needing help. This is an angle Id not considered. It would certainly make sense, carers stopped by Nan because they werent running round after her at the level shed like, so put that on my Dad instead (who has just accepting the situation despite how much stress its fetched to him.and Mum). This goes back to what I said at the hospital Nan needs assessing not just being believed that whatever she claims is correct.

Taxman owes me £67. Should be here in a few days. Hoping that when it does it can go in jabberwocky and pay another section of that off. Application has been submitted for return of deposit of DDs original rent. Fingers crossed that is returned to us in full or with minimal deductions as we need the money to pay for an unexpected and unplanned for educational cost.

Today I will tackle the paperwork about the crash. Haven't felt up to it till now. Mindful of both the cars age and my excess Im not really expecting anything to be paid out to me for it. I do have an inheritance from my late Nan that I ringfenced for a new car when Im ready to replace.

Grateful for not many hours at work this coming week. (Following week is a different story!) I just want some time to 'sit and stare' at home
 

Spendless

Oh my goodness,at the point I made my earlier post I hadnt seen the news relating to the train incident yesterday. Certainly puts things in perspective as without giving away location that train route is one DD travels on between our house and her London digs. Train travel is my fav mode of transport, I always think if you have bought your ticket and turn up before the doors close then its the easiest way to travel. Truly shocking and hope those injured and affected are ok. 

Ive just done insurance paperwork with Mr S. Loads easier than I anticipated. It was more involved us agreeing where to go out for breakfast this morning cos he isnt into 'poncy' stuff (his words)  and I refused to eat somewhere with poor quality ingredients just to fulfil his requirement. The place we ended up at, he grumbled that he isnt into pots with  his breakfast, 3 of them that had, butter, sauce and beans in, which is why us agreeing on somewhere was difficult. Hard to believe he has to do corporate/formal dining with his job! 

Deposit for DDs apartment is pending thankfully. 

Things are coming to light re why Nan's carers stopped coming last time and I have a bit of frustration with my parents who should have been proactive in what happened next instead of picking up the pieces and making themselves ill! Just proof that they are not capable of making the wisest choices either, I keep pressing the point that Nan isnt safe in all this and that has to be flagged. Dad did a google of his virus symptoms and discovered its heart related. 

Humdinger1

Keep going @Spendless; by that, I don't mean take on everyone else's care, rather point out where plans are simply delusional! You're magnificent. Nest-building dog made me howl with laughter.   Love Humdinger xx 

badmemory

I do hope you get them to concede the need for a care home as it is obviously not doing your parents health any good at all.  On the plus side the care home will move heaven & earth to keep her going.  She is already 100, so every extra birthday is another picture in the local paper & a free advert for the home.

If she does then remember their washing machines don't go under 60 degs & there is no such thing as handwashing & even with everything labelled you will occasionally wonder where that jumper came from.