Dining out - bill paying 17 September 2021 at 7:45AM in MoneySaving dads 53 replies 18.7K views

Exodi

My partner and I go for dinners every now and then with another couple who are notorious for this.

We'll order burger or scampi or something with a coke zero and without fail he'll follow by slapping their knees with the 'you know what, I think I fancy a steak?'... to which the waiter might follow with 'rump or sirloin sir?' to 'sod it, make it a sirloin, and can I get a pint with it, it's not a school night haha!'. His partner will usually order something from the specials menu with a couple glasses of wine.

Bill comes to £120 or whatever, they'll put £60 in the middle of the table. Don't have the heart to whip out my calculator and start working out what each party spent, but still infuriates me to no end. On the flipside, it's always in the back of my mind if I'm eating with people and my meal costs more than average - I'd always volunteer to pay more.

It's a shame because he's a really good friend otherwise, it's obviously my fault for not bringing it up to him.

Pollycat

Exodi said:

My partner and I go for dinners every now and then with another couple who are notorious for this.

We'll order burger or scampi or something with a coke zero and without fail he'll follow by slapping their knees with the 'you know what, I think I fancy a steak?'... to which the waiter might follow with 'rump or sirloin sir?' to 'sod it, make it a sirloin, and can I get a pint with it, it's not a school night haha!'. His partner will usually order something from the specials menu with a couple glasses of wine.

Bill comes to £120 or whatever, they'll put £60 in the middle of the table. Don't have the heart to whip out my calculator and start working out what each party spent, but still infuriates me to no end. On the flipside, it's always in the back of my mind if I'm eating with people and my meal costs more than average - I'd always volunteer to pay more.

It's a shame because he's a really good friend otherwise, it's obviously my fault for not bringing it up to him.

Do you think they don't realise that you are subbing them?
I think I'd have to bring it up the next time out and say you think it a good idea to pay for what you each have.
Otherwise it would spoil the enjoyment of going out for a meal.

Savvy_Sue

Sounds like they know EXACTLY what they're doing.

I think I'd be tempted to say at the start of the evening, or when a date is arranged "would you mind if we got separate bills? Mrs E and I need to economize this month" or similar.

mutley74

Exodi said:

 
It's a shame because he's a really good friend otherwise, it's obviously my fault for not bringing it up to him.

Really "good" friend? 
I had this experience, i think you mean a very "clever" "friend. A genuine friend should not do this. 
The friend I had this experience, when I asked him, hey when do you treat me for a change - does not bother asking me to go out for dinner. No loss to be honest, as he cheated me recently on some change getting me a drink when I gave him the money (so i could save us seats) (yet he is easily a higher rate tax payer with no mortgage or kids etc) 

Pollycat

mutley74 said:

Exodi said:

 
It's a shame because he's a really good friend otherwise, it's obviously my fault for not bringing it up to him.

Really "good" friend? 
I had this experience, i think you mean a very "clever" "friend. A genuine friend should not do this. 
The friend I had this experience, when I asked him, hey when do you treat me for a change - does not bother asking me to go out for dinner. No loss to be honest, as he cheated me recently on some change getting me a drink when I gave him the money (so i could save us seats) (yet he is easily a higher rate tax payer with no mortgage or kids etc) 

I used to work in a large office in an admin role.
I used to do collections for weddings etc and organise Xmas lunches.
The worst people to get money out of were the highest paid.

piesagittariusstick

A tricky situation that can escalate quickly, and one for which there isn't an immediate resolution that'll thick all boxes...

Since going full accounting mode and calculating the exact cost of each order is not a proper fit for a pleasant evening among friends, you'll have to cave in and allow for a split bill from time to time. Yet, since one of you surely gets the short straw that way, then it's up to everyone to note how often that happens and try to make up to that person during the next gathering.

Of course, if the pattern repeats so much so that it throws any semblance of balance and fairness out of the window, then it's ripe for discussion and shouldn't be slept on any longer. 

Silvertabby

Next time, order a couple of sirloins and a decent bottle of wine (or mocktails, if available).  You won't pay that much more than you are now, but your 'friend' will have to pay their fair share.

Roz81

Silvertabby said:

Next time, order a couple of sirloins and a decent bottle of wine (or mocktails, if available).  You won't pay that much more than you are now, but your 'friend' will have to pay their fair share.

I like it!  Nice advice Silvertabby.

That could be the last time your friend orders a steak and a couple of beverages.

alittlecynical

I gently pulled up our CEO who wanted to split a bill with some first jobbers who had ordered something very simple. May said thank you. I think the ideal is that someone in the group who didn’t spend the least says it. Maybe one day order a bit more than someone else and point out it would be unfair on them, then set the president. You’ll pay less in the long run. Only problem is if they say it doesn’t matter.

MrsStepford

You all could pay a share of birthday boy 's meal so his cost him nothing plus cost of  your own.That would be another way of doing it.