Dining out - bill paying

mutley74

Thanks everyone for the comments. As I may have mentioned never been a problem with other friends. These are just 2 newish friends. 
Agree with the comment by another, seems to be those who can afford it who orders the most dishes and drinks, then expects others to pick up part of their tab. I wont be doing shared rounds any more. One friend orders expensive premium drinks. I dont drink. So when my round is £15-20 a go and my drink just costs £1.50 its a bit unfair. 

 I bet they wont do that on my birthday.  

MaryNB

Pollycat said:

This is something that has been discussed often on MSE.

If you want to pay for what you've had, you need to establish that up front.
Why on earth didn't you say that you were paying for your own meal and drinks?

We have friends that we eat out with and as we tend to order similar things (Chinese/Indian) and we all drink wine, it works out OK for each couple to pay half.

But beware of people underestimating their share.
We had this with a family meal. 
One couple announced they wanted to pay for what they had rather than splitting the bill between 4 couples.
They missed out the aperitifs they'd had and liqueur coffees.
They also didn't include a tip in the amount they'd 'consumed'.

I called them out on it.

When I started at my first graduate job there was a very social group of people in their 20s and 30s at the company. Some were obsessed with big birthday celebrations so there were frequent 20+ person meals. I could guarantee that everyone who left before the bill arrived and put money on the table to cover their "share" forgot things like the drinks they ordered at the start, extra sides, the tip etc. I often was one of the last there and had to help pay the share of people earning much more than me. Every single meal we were left short.

In other scenarios I've come across people who, if they end up being the last to pay, just "pay the balance", ignoring the fact that a few people have added a tip. Not only do they end up paying far less than they owe, there's no tip left for the staff.

pjcox2005

mutley74 said:

Thanks everyone for the comments. As I may have mentioned never been a problem with other friends. These are just 2 newish friends. 
Agree with the comment by another, seems to be those who can afford it who orders the most dishes and drinks, then expects others to pick up part of their tab. I wont be doing shared rounds any more. One friend orders expensive premium drinks. I dont drink. So when my round is £15-20 a go and my drink just costs £1.50 its a bit unfair. 

 I bet they wont do that on my birthday.  

I think people who can easily afford it just don't see it as an issue as they don't have a panic if bill is higher. So they go thinking they'll have what they want as no financial limit, whereas someone else may order within a budget so it goes out of kilter to begin with.

Then on paying they may be quite used to buying rounds/meals split as one it doesn't impact their budget and two it probably comes about equal in the rounds if you are out with lots of people all the time (i.e. sometimes you pay over the odds, other times it works in your favour).

I don't think it's malice, just not thought through/empathy from them.

ouraggie

What irritates me, is:
1. Whenever I suggest everyone just pay what you had, somebody ALWAYS says "ooh no, that will take ages to work out. Just split it 6 ways". There is then a half hour pantomime of some people putting down cash, someone needing £3 change but there are no coins in the pile, two people paying by card, one "cant stay but here's my share (£5 short)", someone adds the pile of cash up, it's £8.52 short etc etc. How the hell is this quicker than just one person reading the bill out and everyone just jots down the cost of their items and then pays that?

2.Because I sometimes say " well, I had £15 of food and one little glass of the £18 bottle of wine so here's my £25" I get called a cheapskate behind my back, usually by the people who had 3 expensive courses, 2 glasses of the wine and a liqueur coffee.
I tend to suggest eateries with a fixed price menu when sociialising with one particular friend who just takes the proverbial. 

MovingForwards

Birthday's are paid for, but none of us have expensive tastes or go to expensive places. We are all told in advance.

General restaurant gatherings we split the bill by however many are there, again it's not expensive places we eat and means everyone can afford to attend. It's an unwritten rule.

Pubs we buy our own drinks. If having a one2one chat and getting a drink from the bar, grab one for the other person. Again, it's an unwritten rule.

I would have been annoyed in your position too and it would cause me to question that friendship.

TBagpuss

Ideally, speak to your server at the start and ask for separate bills - it's normally much easier for them to keep it separate as they go along than to try to split it at the end.

Similarly, for yourself - speak up at the start - something like "I'm on a tight budget, so I'm just going to order what I can afford and I'll pay separately" 

That way, if they are simply thoughtless, they can either say "h, fine" or "tonight's on us, mate" and if not, then at least you've made your position clear and if that means they chose to order less then they are free to do so.

I don't discount the possibility that they are deliberately taking advantage, but it's equally possible that they don't see it as a significant difference - for some people, the difference between spending £16 on a meal and spending £32  may not be something that registers as particularly significant . (The giveaway of course is whether they would still be happy splitting equally if they had ordered the cheaper meal - but some people genuinely don't monitor their spending  that closely and would be horrified if they realised it was an issue for you.)


If you didn't flag it at the start then it's still fine to speak up when the bill comes out - something like "I have x & y, so my share comes to £xx" and if they say they thought you were splitting equally, just say "Oh, you didn't mention that,  if you'd said anything I'd have been clear earlier that that wouldn't work for me" If you keep it cheerful and matter-of-fact then it's hard for anyone to object, as most people don't have the brass neck to admit they were hoping you'd subsidise them, and if they say it's difficult to work out, stay cheerful, show them what you had and remind them tat the remainder of the party are free to split the balance equally if they prefer! 

ouraggie

That is all very sensible advice. I think I will try it next time I'm on a work outing. Probably once you have done it the first couple of times it will get easier to say it each time. 

maman

For me, it varies depending on who I'm with. I always try to pay for DDs.

 I have a group of friends where we always split it equally. My maths is good so I generally work it out. I find increasingly that everyone pays with a card and staff are happy to take each amount separately.

I also eat out regularly in a group of 5 where just one is teetotal and has a small appetite. I subtract her amount then split the rest. 

We generally all put some cash down for a tip or round up the bill. 

newsgroupmonkey_

It depends. If I'm out with work, split it however many people because generally we're having the same.

Definitely would with family.

With friends, it just depends. If we're all more or less having the same, would just split it, but we do have some friends where one of them doesn't drink and another one tends to "go on the lash" (For every pint, he normally has a short drink too). In this scenario, we normally pay for what we've had, but only roughly. I've no issue with paying a couple of quid more - I'm not falling out with people over that kind of money.

Lcox

You don't need to tell people in advance  - the default is that you pay for what you ordered. Just say at the end "I'll just pay for mine if that's ok," pop the money down and change the subject to how nice the meal was or whatever. 
Re tips: it's someone's right and personal decision not to tip, but when it's in a group it makes everyone else look like they undertipped, and is a massive social no-no imo.