Learning to walk before I run

beanielou

Glad you enjoyed. 

The countdown is on. 

edinburgher

The last week or two hasn't been great. I have totally clocked out and chronic procrastination means I'll be leaving several cases behind when I finish at the end of the week.

I don't feel great about that but am used to whoever left most recently being scapegoated anyway, I'll just be the most recent ******** who is responsible for anything that can or has gone wrong after they leave 🥲

Lots of conflicted feelings about the fact I didn't strike up many close connections during my 7 years on the team (bar one of my colleagues in the new team, who I've always got in great with and a former colleague who kept in touch). On the other hand, there are a lot of people on the team who I wouldn't socialise with if you paid me 🤷🏻‍♂️ We're/they're a weird, awkward bunch.

Anyway, the fact that I've been skiving is meeting up with my imposter syndrome to tell me I only took away a couple of work/IRL friendships because I was the team slacker. The rational side of my brain acknowledges that while my output has gone down since my sickness absence last year, it wasn't always the case. 

Not a nice feeling, much prefer leaving a job in good odour but then I remind myself I'm at work to make a living, not be popular 🫩

Recovery from a bogging cold and sleep deprivation isn't helping, either. I'm no longer doing overtime, I'm just done.

I need to focus on my MH 🙂

KajiKita

To be honest I’m not entirely surprised that you just can’t engage any more. You have been through trauma working there and that is not conducive to bringing your best game to the plate. Added into that, you were treated with a complete lack of respect by your about to be ex-boss when you handed in your notice - you weren’t treated with any professional respect or courtesy, just tussled over like a toddlers’s toy! You owe that team nothing and your about to be ex-boss even less …

I suspect all of this will get washed away, slowly, as you settle into your new role. You’ve got just a week left to go now, or so? 

I’m glad you are prioritising your MH 😊

KK

edinburgher

Yes thanks @KajiKita - finish next week.

I have two days off just for me, planning some endorphin boosters like a slow jog or joining the local budget gym again and a float, something I haven't done in years. Will also try and fit in something fun like a trip to the cinema and a nice breakfast out. I'm also trying to drink less so as to start new job in a more level place, trying to have no more than 1 beer/night at the weekend. 

KajiKita

Don’t be upset if the two days off don’t feel ‘amazing’ - you are processing and digesting a lot, plus you are tired and lurgified. 

Hope you find some quiet of mind x

KK

edinburgher

November NW figure is +£263 - barely worth calculating!

Feeling a bit more chirpy today after a better sleep and feeling like the cold is nearly gone  

• £14.19 OPed
• Free Disney+ subscription up and running (Lloyd's freebie)
• Neighbour dropped in 2 SIM cards that I had ordered to replace our overly expensive O2 deal

Suffolk_lass

I agree, don't stress about your dip in productivity, it always happens. As regards friendships - I have a few lasting friendships from work, none remaining from college or school, and several from social meetings, but it has all got a bit more insular since the pandemic and it always surprises me how old some of them have grown, without me expecting it, when I do see them. Old and grumpy/forgetful or inactive. I try to keep busy and it keeps my outlook young, I think, but my busy is now the things I like doing, not the work things I have to do. 

Two or three friends in 7 years is good! Take a breath, draw a line and look forward. You needed this x

Merlin's_Beard

When it comes to friends, quality is far more important than quantity. And if you aren't given the environment to thrive, it's hardly your fault that you haven't.

edinburgher

Thanks peeps, I have a bit of a tendency to catastrophise! 

£6.40 withdrawn from Prolific to my personal spends. 

Roast beef with roast potatoes, cauliflower cheese, carrots and leeks for dinner Best go cook...