I am trying really hard and my husband... just isn't.

vickthestick

Mojisola said:

vickthestick said:

Unfortunately, I have Covid just now, brought home by husband from his solo holiday to Ireland, and now spreading round the household, so we are all going to be at home for the next ten days.

So he went off on his own during the school holidays, leaving you with work and all the childcare?

So not so much work work as the summer holidays and I teach at a school. But yes. It had been planned pre Covid with a bike pal and they decided to go two weeks before school restarted. The contact tracers said that everyone they have spoken to recently had been to Ireland. 

Sea_Shell

Have you had a holiday this summer?  

vickthestick

Sea_Shell said:

Have you had a holiday this summer?  

No. But all the children have been away for a week in one way or another: 1 to a sailing course; 2 to Guide camp; 1 to my brother who has a girl the same age; the eldest to her dad's; plus 1 to a caravan holiday with a family friend. I have done some hill walking 🙂

Sea_Shell

vickthestick said:

Sea_Shell said:

Have you had a holiday this summer?  

No. But all the children have been away for a week in one way or another: 1 to a sailing course; 2 to Guide camp; 1 to my brother who has a girl the same age; the eldest to her dad's; plus 1 to a caravan holiday with a family friend. I have done some hill walking 🙂

I don't think it's been said, or asked, but after the bit in bold, how many of your children are also your husband's?

vickthestick

Sea_Shell said:

vickthestick said:

Sea_Shell said:

Have you had a holiday this summer?  

No. But all the children have been away for a week in one way or another: 1 to a sailing course; 2 to Guide camp; 1 to my brother who has a girl the same age; the eldest to her dad's; plus 1 to a caravan holiday with a family friend. I have done some hill walking 🙂

I don't think it's been said, or asked, but after the bit in bold, how many of your children are also your husband's?

2 are not, 4 are. 

Sea_Shell

Hope you're all feeling better.

Any progress financially?

HoneyRoastedParsnip

Hello, I hope things are going well. I notice you have repeatedly tried to get to grips with this off and on for the last 10 years? Would that be a fair assessment? 

vickthestick

For some reason my earlier message didn't send. Thanks for checking up on me. We are well and back to school. 

Financially: 
I suggested it would be a good idea if husband moved out and took his stuff with him, that we could sell the house and split the money or I could buy him out the house. He has no intention of moving out whilst the kids are still at home.
I have opened a new current account and started moving everything over to that. I have told him I am not putting anything onto the mortgage.
He has declared that he will just go bankrupt when number 1 leaves home in October November because she contributes to the food etc and I have tried to point him towards Step Change sooner rather than later but it's back to the head in the sand and doing nothing about it. I feel that there's a bit of blackmail going on here. If he waits long enough and it all goes pear-shaped then he thinks I will step in.
I am slowly separating everything out but it's taking time.

Sncjw

That's so sad to hear.

He is putting everything onto you. Have you talked to a lawyer about protecting yourself at the fall.

I know i dont know you but sounds like he won't move out because you pretty much pay for his living and he doesn't want to pay for his own living costs when moved out.

Deffo sounds like a blackmailer and I'm so sorry to hear this. Are the children aware of what's going on. They sound old enough to know. 

vickthestick

Sncjw said:

That's so sad to hear.

He is putting everything onto you. Have you talked to a lawyer about protecting yourself at the fall.

I know i dont know you but sounds like he won't move out because you pretty much pay for his living and he doesn't want to pay for his own living costs when moved out.

Deffo sounds like a blackmailer and I'm so sorry to hear this. Are the children aware of what's going on. They sound old enough to know. 

I haven't gotten round to a lawyer yet because I have been so ill, but I will get there.  The youngest is still at primary school so is oblivious. The older ones are well aware.