I am trying really hard and my husband... just isn't.

vickthestick

Hi everyone, 
Just as an update, I am working on separating everything I can, little by little, and I am getting there, but the full time job and family means that I don't have huge amounts of spare time. However, it is all going in the right direction. For example, I found out today that my Sainsbury's nectar card is linked to my husband's and that he put a block on my card being able to use any of the points. I am now taken off that account and have a new account and new card coming in the post. It's the little things that are so annoying. 

EssexHebridean

I'm guessing that's by far from the only "little thing" like that which you're now discovering too. Well done for continuing to tackle things one step at a time, you will get there in the end, and be better off (in every sense!) for it! 

kimwp

I would definitely talk to a solicitor about citing financial taking-the-mickey on your divorce papers (if not financial abuse, though that doesn't sound completely right in this case) - it's true and it might mean the courts are less likely to award him half of everything you have worked so hard for while he has contributed a laughable sum of his income.

Jude57

vickthestick said:

Hi everyone, 
Just as an update, I am working on separating everything I can, little by little, and I am getting there, but the full time job and family means that I don't have huge amounts of spare time. However, it is all going in the right direction. For example, I found out today that my Sainsbury's nectar card is linked to my husband's and that he put a block on my card being able to use any of the points. I am now taken off that account and have a new account and new card coming in the post. It's the little things that are so annoying. 

Well done on making those positive moves, Vick.

Can I just make a suggestion? When my ex husband and I first separated (we worked for the same public sector employer) I got a call from the head of Payroll asking to see me. She didn't want any details of the separation but advised me to change my Expression of Wish with the pension provider as, if I didn't and anything happened to me before we were divorced my estranged husband would get my death in service lump sum and the residual widower's pension. It had never occurred to me but was excellent advice. 

I'd recommend you do the same to protect your children's financial future. If things with your husband improve, you can always change back, but it could make a difficult time easier for your children if the worst was to happen.

EssexHebridean

Extremely good point - I would also suggest that you probably want to make a new will now too - usually it would wait until after a divorce, but in your situation I think it would be well worth doing it sooner. Ask the solicitor to either lodge a letter alongside (referred to in the will itself) explaining in detail why you have excluded OH, or to write an explanation into the document itself. Again - you can always make a further change subsequently if the situation alters. 

Sncjw

So he didn't want you to use the points you probably accrued and paid for in shopping. 

This bloke is really annoying me now and I don't even know you both. 

vickthestick

Jude57 said:

vickthestick said:

Hi everyone, 
Just as an update, I am working on separating everything I can, little by little, and I am getting there, but the full time job and family means that I don't have huge amounts of spare time. However, it is all going in the right direction. For example, I found out today that my Sainsbury's nectar card is linked to my husband's and that he put a block on my card being able to use any of the points. I am now taken off that account and have a new account and new card coming in the post. It's the little things that are so annoying. 

Well done on making those positive moves, Vick.

Can I just make a suggestion? When my ex husband and I first separated (we worked for the same public sector employer) I got a call from the head of Payroll asking to see me. She didn't want any details of the separation but advised me to change my Expression of Wish with the pension provider as, if I didn't and anything happened to me before we were divorced my estranged husband would get my death in service lump sum and the residual widower's pension. It had never occurred to me but was excellent advice. 

I'd recommend you do the same to protect your children's financial future. If things with your husband improve, you can always change back, but it could make a difficult time easier for your children if the worst was to happen.

Thank you. Have now done that and changed it to oldest daughter as beneficiary.

vickthestick

Thank you everyone. I am spending a lovely couple of hours this morning with a cup of tea, going through all the cards in my purse and changing all the contact details and/or getting new cards and accounts. It is somewhat time consuming but needs to be done and is very satisfying knowing that in future all the points are actually going to be mine to use. 

stymied

I’m glad you’re making progress.

Has your husband realised yet that you *can’t* add to the mortgage because he’s too old not just that you won’t?

Jude57

vickthestick said:

Thank you everyone. I am spending a lovely couple of hours this morning with a cup of tea, going through all the cards in my purse and changing all the contact details and/or getting new cards and accounts. It is somewhat time consuming but needs to be done and is very satisfying knowing that in future all the points are actually going to be mine to use. 

Those points mount up quickly when you're shopping for a family so it's time well spent and I'm glad you're sounding so positive. When you've gathered some points, make sure you spend them on a treat for YOU. You've earned it.

Hope you have a good weekend.