I am trying really hard and my husband... just isn't.

CKhalvashi

If he does go down the bankruptcy route, you will need to ensure you have your financial ducks in order, as this possibly paired with divorce will mean you need to protect your assets, including what I imagine to be substantial equity in the property. 

This would then lead you to the argument that you have been the only one to contribute for x years when it comes to what your equity actually is as a percentage.

In this argument, don't look at taking anything from him or the children,  look at getting what you rightly are owed back.

EssexHebridean

Ahh lovely - this all sounds quite incredibly rough and I applaud you for keeping as much of a sense of balance and humour as you so clearly have. 

Absolutely the right thing to refuse to not add any more of his debt to the mortgage. If he asks again it's as simple as "Nope, we've done that once, it didn't fix it, it's not happening again". Very closed ended, very definite. Agree with what someone earlier said too - talk to the mortgage company about them needing to check any changes that are proposed personally with you before they happen - tell them you are concerned your husband may forge your signature. Back that one up in writing too - but make clear that any confirmation of that which they send back must NOT be copied in to your husband as well - tell them that will put you at risk of harm if needs be. 

Also delighted to hear you've stopped paying towards his debts - give it a month or so and who knows, the additional payments/less money to splash on himself MIGHT make an impact.

On the food shopping - do you do the cooking? (Apologies if you have said and I've missed it). If so, do you leave him with a list of what needs buying? If not, then probably a good idea to start - meal plan a week ahead, write a list of the stuff that needs buying (and make sure that the meals for the later end of the week all use longer life items else he'll buy short-dated to spite you, potentially!) and then see if it means that at least some of the time you get the stuff you actually need to work with.

The dishwasher - keep an eye on freecycle and similar to see if you can get one, failing that a brand new budget one won't cost you a huge amount. And as for environmentally friendly, pretty sure I'm right in saying that that modern dishwashers use LESS water than sinks-full of washing up! 

comeandgo

Please get yourself some proper financial and legal advice.  A lot of the advice regarding marriage debt you are getting here is regarding English law, in Scotland things are different. 

RAS

comeandgo said:

Please get yourself some proper financial and legal advice.  A lot of the advice regarding marriage debt you are getting here is regarding English law, in Scotland things are different. 

Absolutely. And if you're not sure how the house is held, check the Scottish Land Registry. Put in the post code and house number/name and it'll tell you if the registration is on there. Otherwise it'll be in the Register of Sasines.

CKhalvashi

comeandgo said:

Please get yourself some proper financial and legal advice.  A lot of the advice regarding marriage debt you are getting here is regarding English law, in Scotland things are different. 

I can only third this.

I should say now that any advice I have given is on the basis of English law as I am not and never have been resident in Scotland, so while the advice is in good faith, I cannot confirm it translates over.

Jude57

With the caveat that in Scotland different rules may apply, your husband's deluded if he thinks he can just go bankrupt and that solves all his problems. Just to make you aware, one similarity to English rules is that the Trustee will take over scrutiny of your husband's financial affairs and has an obligation to realise as much cash as possible for the creditors. This means selling belongings and property (although you may be offered the opportunity to buy his share of the house) and the Trustee will enforce that if necessary. I'd suggest reading CAB's advice on this at:

https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/scotland/debt-and-money/help-with-debt/what-options-are-there-for-dealing-with-debt/bankruptcy-in-scotland/

I'd print that out and leave it for him to read or not, as he chooses. Then get your solicitor's appointment booked as soon as you feel up to it.

Nostrus

In Scotland, if only one party to the mortgage goes bankrupt and the other has not, then the property cannot be sold as another party (that being yourself) has interest in it. For what it is worth, this also applies to vehicles, although it is more difficult to prove that a vehicle is equally owned as they are registered in one person's name.

I am late to the thread, but from what I can glean, it appears that your husband and you are heading the route of divorce? If that happens, then you are able to divest and sell the property which means that your half of the value of the house will go to you, and not to paying your husband's debts.

It does sound as though your husband has head firmly up posterior, but sadly he is correct in that sequestration shall likely solve most of his financial ills at this point. I'd wager the only reason it hasn't happened already is that he has been making minimum payments thus far.

vickthestick

Nostrus said:

In Scotland, if only one party to the mortgage goes bankrupt and the other has not, then the property cannot be sold as another party (that being yourself) has interest in it. For what it is worth, this also applies to vehicles, although it is more difficult to prove that a vehicle is equally owned as they are registered in one person's name.

I am late to the thread, but from what I can glean, it appears that your husband and you are heading the route of divorce? If that happens, then you are able to divest and sell the property which means that your half of the value of the house will go to you, and not to paying your husband's debts.

It does sound as though your husband has head firmly up posterior, but sadly he is correct in that sequestration shall likely solve most of his financial ills at this point. I'd wager the only reason it hasn't happened already is that he has been making minimum payments thus far.

Thank you. That's very helpful. And yes, he has managed minimum payments so far. But come November when Number 1 moves out again, the contributions that number 1 makes to food etc will go and he won't be able to do that any more. 

Abbafan1972

@vickthestick I have been reading your thread and this one really stuck with me, as just when I think a thread can't shock me more, I find another one that does!

I really feel for you hun.  I can't offer any advice as such, but just to let you know I am here and I support you totally. 

This guy is clearly deluded if he thinks he can keep all of his pension money for himself, while you pay all the bills. Some of things you have said that he's come out with have really made me angry to be honest. It seems like a classic example of "what's yours is mine and what's mine is my own".  A marriage should be a two-way street and this one clearly is not!

Asking you to add debts onto the mortgage "because money is running is out".  pfft!

So he retired at 43?  Not judging at all, but it's his own fault for retiring so early and not planning so he has enough money.  He can't expect to live for free!  Did he take early retirement so it was a ticket for him to sit and home and do sweet FA, while you carry on working and paying his way. 

Sorry to be so blunt.  I will be following your thread and wish you all the best. xx

Jude57

Nostrus said:

In Scotland, if only one party to the mortgage goes bankrupt and the other has not, then the property cannot be sold as another party (that being yourself) has interest in it. For what it is worth, this also applies to vehicles, although it is more difficult to prove that a vehicle is equally owned as they are registered in one person's name.

I am late to the thread, but from what I can glean, it appears that your husband and you are heading the route of divorce? If that happens, then you are able to divest and sell the property which means that your half of the value of the house will go to you, and not to paying your husband's debts.

It does sound as though your husband has head firmly up posterior, but sadly he is correct in that sequestration shall likely solve most of his financial ills at this point. I'd wager the only reason it hasn't happened already is that he has been making minimum payments thus far.

That's interesting, and not in line with CAB advice I had read and linked to above. Could I ask if you have a source, please? I'm always keen to learn from posters😀