I am trying really hard and my husband... just isn't.

vickthestick

I am a teacher earning reasonable money. My husband took early retirement 20 years ago to be the at home dad. Six children - one with additional support needs about to move into supported accommodation (pays her own way and also net benefits the household due to reduction in council tax and carers allowance plus contribution to food) - one living and working independently (so only home for holidays and no drain on expenses) - one about to go to uni and will need a top up to living expenses - three still at school. So from the start of the new term, five at home.
I pay all the bills. Mortgage has six years to go. Husband has two work pensions which pay him about £1000 a month, and six credit cards with about £20k on them plus £3k over draft. He won't get state pension for another 3+ years. He pays the minimum payment on each card each month (I believe) and I have taken one of the cards off him and I pay that at £100 a month - it will take me two years to pay that off at that rate. He does not work/cannot work.
His repeated solution to his debt problem is to ignore, complain, ignore, panic, and then suggest that it gets put onto the mortgage. I have already done this once and also taken out a loan to pay off his credit cards in the past, which I am still paying. I have investigated putting it onto the (joint) mortgage but because husband is 63, (I am 51) companies auto-reject when I put him on and when I leave him off because its a joint owned house. And to be honest I really don't want to be adding more to the mortgage when it is so close to being paid off, freeing up £700 a month from my budget at a time when there could be two/three kids at uni. 
He has a garage full of motorbikes in various states of repair and a house full of 'stuff' that he refuses to sell. He continues to spend. 
Options? Suggestions? Pointers in the right direction? All gratefully received. 

tacpot12

I can see the struggle you are having and sympathise. 

It really would not be a good idea to add any more borrowing to the mortgage, and I think you should refuse to do so, and tell the mortgage company that you have refused to do so in case he forges your signature. (It has happened many times, and there are posts on MSE about this having happened). 

You haven't said how you manage the family budget. Does he pay anything towards any bills or the mortgage from his pensions?  

Also, how do you own your house? As joint tenants or tenants-in-common? 

  

vickthestick

I pay all the bills mortgage included from a joint account that he doesn't have the card to and he doesn't pay into - just my wages goes in, I also pay gas/elec, council tax, TV licence, etc plus my car bills and insurance etc plus extras like the kids clothes and pocket money plus school trips. He is supposed to pay for the food but I often end up paying lots of that as well.  I don't know how we own the house. Will that be on the deeds? We are in Scotland if that makes any difference? I shall check. How does that help? And thank you, it's an enormous help to just talk about it. 

Dazed_and_C0nfused

He won't get state pension for another 3+ years

I know this isn't going to immediately help but I really think you should get him to sit down, with you there, and check his State Pension forecast on gov.uk as a matter of urgency.

The standard new State Pension is currently £9.3k/year but is quite possible he won't have accrued anything like that and the sooner you know where he (and you) stand the better informed you will be.

There is an incredible amount of assumptions and misunderstanding about what people who are going to get State Pension in the next few year 20 will actually receive and, if there is a shortfall for what you might be expecting him to start receiving, the sooner you can address it (or help him address it) the better.

It is very important you read the whole forecast, the headline figure (likely to be £179.60/week) is not important, it's what the rest of the forecast says that is critical.  There will probably be a "COPE" figure mentioned at the end.  This is NOT deducted from whatever State Pension he will be entitled to.

If you have any questions about his forecast then post them as there are plenty of knowledgeable people on here who will point you in the right direction.

vickthestick

Thank you. That's very helpful. I will investigate that, presumably via Government Gateway (?) And likely to be just me doing that. 

vickthestick

He's going to get £181.03 state pension from 2023. So he will be 66. So that's two years to go. He clearly read something online and decided that applied to him without checking.  

TheAble

"I have investigated putting it onto the (joint) mortgage but because husband is 63, (I am 51) companies auto-reject when I put him on and when I leave him off because its a joint owned house."

"I don't know how we own the house. Will that be on the deeds?"

I'm a bit confused by these statements. If it's a joint mortgage then it suggests it's a jointly owned house. And if it's a joint mortgage then he's already on the mortgage?

In any case, it sounds like his £1000 a month is essentially "fun money" (with the exception of buying groceries) so he's really no excuse for running up all these debts. 

I'd recommend against paying off the debts for him, consolidating, adding to the mortgage or any of the like. Because what's going to happen? He'll rack them all up again and you'll be back where you started.

I'd suggest even at 63 he has a bit of growing up to do, tackle these debts himself like a big boy and learn to live within his means.

vickthestick

Re the mortgage, someone had asked about various ways to own the house that I didn't understand. Yes we are both on the mortgage and both on the deeds. 
And yes he sees it as fun money because he says he has worked and then retired and now that he's retired he should be able to do fun stuff. The problem is it's expensive fun stuff. But it's now at the stage where the vast majority of his money seems to be going on paying minimum amounts to credit cards. If I don't pay it off, what happens? I am concerned about keeping a roof over our heads in the first place and any other problems that might then create.

comeandgo

You say he took early retirement 20 years ago but still has full state pension coming and still can get private pension of £1,000 by only having a working life of 25 years?  

comeandgo

You say he took early retirement 20 years ago but still has full state pension coming and still can get private pension of £1,000 by only having a working life of 25 years?  

vickthestick

Early retirement was offered by his work and they have been paying that pension for the past twenty years.  He has £181 pension coming in two years time according to the government gateway forecast. I don't know how that works.  My forecast says I need to work another four years to get £179 pension.