I am trying really hard and my husband... just isn't.

mellyflewus

vickthestick your story made me feel very sad but i'm pleased that you have the strength to improve your circumstances.

the only advice i can give you based upon my own experience is limited but if he ever does move out before any potential separation or divorce do not allow him to move back in for any reason.

i changed my death in service nomination to include all the beneficiaries in my will rather than just one, but there were only three and i don't know if there is a limit or even if that's something you want to do.

as for my will i chose to allow the solicitor to keep the original and lodge it (and give me a copy to take home) to avoid the will being ignored; not sure if it works that way in scotland but i would avise using a solicitor rather than a will kit in any case.

i also lodged letters with my gp and employer explicitly asking them not give anyone any info about me without my permission.

also i don't know about your child benefit/ child tax credit arrangements but if the payments are going to him perhaps look into changing that if possible.

elsien

mellyflewus said:

vickthestick your story made me feel very sad but i'm pleased that you have the strength to improve your circumstances.

the only advice i can give you based upon my own experience is limited but if he ever does move out before any potential separation or divorce do not allow him to move back in for any reason.

i changed my death in service nomination to include all the beneficiaries in my will rather than just one, but there were only three and i don't know if there is a limit or even if that's something you want to do.

as for my will i chose to allow the solicitor to keep the original and lodge it (and give me a copy to take home) to avoid the will being ignored; not sure if it works that way in scotland but i would avise using a solicitor rather than a will kit in any case.

i also lodged letters with my gp and employer explicitly asking them not give anyone any info about me without my permission.

also i don't know about your child benefit/ child tax credit arrangements but if the payments are going to him perhaps look into changing that if possible.

Not great advice because if the house belongs to both of them then he has as much right to be there as the OP. Unless there are legal remedies such as those for domestic violence, which appear not to be the case here. 

mellyflewus

elsien said:

mellyflewus said:

the only advice i can give you based upon my own experience is limited but if he ever does move out before any potential separation or divorce do not allow him to move back in for any reason.

Not great advice because if the house belongs to both of them then he has as much right to be there as the OP. Unless there are legal remedies such as those for domestic violence, which appear not to be the case here. 

apologies but i was able to secure this without the use of an injunction or restraining order and in the absence of a police history.

if that is unusual i add a further qualification that maybe my experience is a massive outlier in that my saying no was accepted without issues.

CKhalvashi

mellyflewus said:

elsien said:

mellyflewus said:

the only advice i can give you based upon my own experience is limited but if he ever does move out before any potential separation or divorce do not allow him to move back in for any reason.

Not great advice because if the house belongs to both of them then he has as much right to be there as the OP. Unless there are legal remedies such as those for domestic violence, which appear not to be the case here. 

apologies but i was able to secure this without the use of an injunction or restraining order and in the absence of a police history.

if that is unusual i add a further qualification that maybe my experience is a massive outlier in that my saying no was accepted without issues.

Abuse is more than just physical violence.

On the basis of what we've heard here, it's obvious to me that OP has been abused in the legal sense, both financially and emotionally.

This can actually be worse long term than physical abuse as it leaves many hidden effects.

EssexHebridean

mellyflewus said:

vickthestick 

<<Snip>>

as for my will i chose to allow the solicitor to keep the original and lodge it (and give me a copy to take home) to avoid the will being ignored; not sure if it works that way in scotland but i would avise using a solicitor rather than a will kit in any case.

Absolutely see a Solicitor for a will do NOT use a kit. Those are a hideously bad idea at the best of times, but when things are likely to potentially get complicated they can be a complete disaster, and an easy way of ensuring that your estate ends up somewhere other than where you intended.  

Most Solicitors will be more than happy to retain your original will too - there shouldn't usually be a charge for this. It can be registered on the wills Register but there is no requirement to do so. They should give you copies, at least one of which will be in an envelope which clarifies when the will was made, and where the original can be found. I'd also give a separate copy to each executor too, again with a note of the firm holding the original, in can your one goes astray. 

Pixie5740

Take legal advice in your will. In Scotland your husband will be entitled to a third (because you have children) of your moveable estate whether it’s in your will or not. 

HoneyRoastedParsnip

I hope you have had a good Christmas. 

Teapot55

How are things going, oops sorry HRP, I meant to tag Vick the Stick! 

vickthestick

HoneyRoastedParsnip said:

I hope you have had a good Christmas. 

Thanks for checking up on me Honey, I have been in and out of hospital with a dodgy gallbladder but got out again on Christmas Eve, so just taking things easy. I used Christmas money to get myself a new budget planner and am steadily going through absolutely every last penny of spending. I took financial advice and the adviser told husband exactly what I had already found out: he cannot be on the mortgage because he is too old and if we were to remortgage then it would necessitate him being taken off the deeds of the house. He's not happy but the alternative is StepChange and he doesn't want to do that either. Meanwhile, I am working away on the bits and pieces needed to stay afloat.  

Sncjw

Is he still putting his head in the sand?