Crazy Cat Lady Chapter 5 - Trying to recover from the pandemic

peb

I was hoping we'd hear from you but maybe you haven't broken up yet.  Hope all is well 🤗

crazy_cat_lady

NT1 is gone - my heart is still very broken. She deteriorated quite badly over last weekend and by Sunday morning I was in contact with my vets. Spent the entire day last Sunday crying and trying to spoil her before her appointment Monday morning. Thankfully the lovely vet receptionist came and picked her up because I just couldn't do it when the time came. Vet said it was absolutely the right time for her to go but I still feel so sad about it. Anyone that has pets will understand. She was literally the most expensive cat in the world but I loved her so much and she meant the world to me. Even on the last morning she was purring and snuggling me - I felt so guilty letting her go and even worse that I couldn't be there with her. I genuinely didn't think that I could make the drive or survive being there while the vet actually did it. Thankfully my vet is a really small, cat only practice and obviously they know me very well and I felt comfortable leaving her with them at the end. I've paid her last ever bill online but haven't managed to get up there yet to collect the paw print and fur clipping that they have done for me.
I still feel dreadful at the moment but am really hoping that I will be able to pull myself round soon. I'm still on the nhs waiting list for talking therapy - I've been on it since November. Thankfully I recognised during the second last week at school that I was starting to lose it a bit and spoke to the Head and I have an appointment with Occupational Health next week. I'm lucky that we have something at work that has a much shorter waiting list than the nhs. 
I've slept lots, but am feeling old - I constantly wake up with aches and pains and I'm having some of the most vivid and stressful dreams I can ever remember having. Obviously still a bit stressed in life and my brain is rebelling against me while I'm trying to rest. I've kept myself busy but not too busy - cars have been into the garage and serviced. C1 needs to go back next week as they haven't found the fault with it yet but I feel reassured by the service I have from that garage. 
Went out all day drinking with a few friends as a belated birthday celebration, which was amazing. I had a really good time and I wish that I had the money to do things like that a bit more often.
Helped my dad to renew his driving license - he turns 70 in a couple of months and isn't very savvy with things like filling in forms. But that should be done and on its way to him now.
Caught up with lots of friends but I still haven't managed to catch up with bestie as yet. I miss her - it's been a couple of weeks since we've managed a catch up and a coffee - hoping that might happen today.
I've thought very little about work, which is good and bad - I have a few things that need to be done but I still have another week to get them done. Motivation is not there today at all so it won't be happening any time soon - wish I felt less guilty doing absolutely nothing. 

Four_Seasons

Oh CCL my heart goes out to you at this difficult time.  It was such a brave unselfish thing to do, to let a beloved friend go to her friends over the rainbow bridge. sending you big gentle hugs xx

Tescodealqueen

Making that final tough decision is the hardest but most beautiful thing we can do for our furry companions.when they are suffering it is the kindest thing and it makes me sad when some folks won’t make the decision because of how they will feel afterwards. You have been the best friend to NT1 and I can feel your pain through your writing. Be kind to yourself xxxx

Buffythedebtslayer

Oh CCL xxx 

I actually don't know what to say. The pain is absolutely immense, the loss. so many people don't understand why pets are important. I am not sure I do really. I just know my life is a million times better with them.  I am sorry. I wish I could give you hug in person - we could go day drinking too. 

so brave making that decision. I know it hurts such a lot. sending you love XXX 

WinterWarrior

I’m so sorry 😢 I have lost many pets over the years and it never gets easier. Even when you know it’s time, it’s for the best for them, it’s still so hard. You did a good thing, the right thing, your cat will know how much love and loss you feel. It will get easier, it always does 💜 

ladyholly

So sorry to hear about your cat. It is so hard when they go. Sending you hugs. X

Honeysucklelou2

So sorry to hear about NT1...the most heartbreaking decision but deep inside, you know when your pet reaches that point. Sending gentle hugs and thinking of you...

Baileys_Babe

🤗 @crazy_cat_lady sorry to hear of your loss. You are so brave and loving to put NT1's needs above your own.

LittleMissDetermined

So sorry for your loss of NT1, it’s so painful for you but if she was deteriorating then it was likely the right decision for her. As heartbreaking as it is, you were looking out for her.
Sending you lots of love 
LMD xx