Asking for money for honeymoon at our Wedding

74jax

rach_k said:

I prefer it when people say we can give cash!  It's a nice, easy gift that fits in your bag/pocket and you know it'll be used, unlike a random appliance you've chosen or a set of fancy plates they'll put in a cupboard for 'best'.

When we got married, we added a line saying that no gifts were necessary but that if people wanted to give something, we'd appreciate a donation to a charity close to our hearts (and connected to our relationship) or spending money for the honeymoon.  Most people gave us money so we made a donation to the charity as well.

That is what we did, we had a cancer charity and rnli. No idea if people did donate or not, and not really interested if they did it didn't, and how much if they did.

It was just something for us to say when we were asked what we wanted. 

seven-day-weekend

It's our fiftieth wedding anniversary in October and we are retaking our vows and having a small party afterwards.

When we send out the invitations, we will state that no gifts are required, but if anyone wants to give anything, they can contribute to a charity of our choice. (The charity will be named, we haven't decided yet which one it is to be).

I have been thinking about this 'paying for the honeymoon' business , and whilst it doesn't sit easy with me for some reason, if that is what the couple want, then I would do it.

I don't think the amount the bride and groom have spent on the wedding should have any bearing on it.  That is their choice, they didn't have to do it.

sheramber

Grumpy_chap said:

tracy.martin said:

We're looking to get married next year and would like guests to donate money towards our honeymoon in Greece. My parents believe we should allow guest to pick their own gifts - if any. What is everyone's view on this? I know this topic pops up a few times but wondered if the viewpoint has shifted in the last 4 years.  We plan to create a honeymoon gift list on flyustothemoon.com so guest can pick an 'item' rather than just send us money.

Congratulations!  I hope you have the most wonderful wedding and blissful lives together.

Out of interest, how do you think the value of a cash gift should be determined?

Selecting a nice item from a list is somewhat simpler for guests.

What if what is available on the list costs more than the donor is able or willing to spend?

Flugelhorn

sheramber said:

Grumpy_chap said:

tracy.martin said:

We're looking to get married next year and would like guests to donate money towards our honeymoon in Greece. My parents believe we should allow guest to pick their own gifts - if any. What is everyone's view on this? I know this topic pops up a few times but wondered if the viewpoint has shifted in the last 4 years.  We plan to create a honeymoon gift list on flyustothemoon.com so guest can pick an 'item' rather than just send us money.

Congratulations!  I hope you have the most wonderful wedding and blissful lives together.

Out of interest, how do you think the value of a cash gift should be determined?

Selecting a nice item from a list is somewhat simpler for guests.

What if what is available on the list costs more than the donor is able or willing to spend?

I remember having a very wide range of prices on my list - can opener, bathroom scales etc to assorted crockery (buy as much as you like - we still have loads of it, used every day  35 years on!)

sheramber

Flugelhorn said:

sheramber said:

Grumpy_chap said:

tracy.martin said:

We're looking to get married next year and would like guests to donate money towards our honeymoon in Greece. My parents believe we should allow guest to pick their own gifts - if any. What is everyone's view on this? I know this topic pops up a few times but wondered if the viewpoint has shifted in the last 4 years.  We plan to create a honeymoon gift list on flyustothemoon.com so guest can pick an 'item' rather than just send us money.

Congratulations!  I hope you have the most wonderful wedding and blissful lives together.

Out of interest, how do you think the value of a cash gift should be determined?

Selecting a nice item from a list is somewhat simpler for guests.

What if what is available on the list costs more than the donor is able or willing to spend?

I remember having a very wide range of prices on my list - can opener, bathroom scales etc to assorted crockery (buy as much as you like - we still have loads of it, used every day  35 years on!)

We plan to create a honeymoon gift list on flyustothemoon.com so guest can pick an 'item' rather than just send us money.

These are not likely to be on a  honeymoon list.

Skiddaw1

I think the world is always going to be divided on this point. For what it is worth, we did the same as @Flugelhorn when we married (25 years ago) and we, too, still have and use some of our wedding presents.

Personally, whatever the couple want to do is fine by me, whether a classic wedding list, a honeymoon donation or something else. I'd far rather know what they want than risk buying something they may not need or like.

[Deleted User]

I would rather give money as a gift where it's most needed and wouldn't hesitate to give cash when preferred/prompted/stated.
We're in a time when people would be made up to have a post on their social media wall as opposed to receiving birthday cards which is probably better for the planet.

Once went out of my way to buy someone a keepsake gift on the birth of their baby, only to see it splashed on a site a few months later being given away, so whilst it hurt to see, if you do get stuff you don't want you can always sell it on I suppose to make up the fund pot.

maman

Flugelhorn said:

I remember having a very wide range of prices on my list - can opener, bathroom scales etc to assorted crockery (buy as much as you like - we still have loads of it, used every day  35 years on!)

This reminded me of my nephew's wedding. he'd done the same and had a range of gifts of all price ranges. 

During his speech, he explained how he and his wife had resolved the very difficult task of making a seating plan. Guests were arranged from front to back in the order of how much they'd spent on the wedding present! Then he waved to my DH and me at the back and said thanks for the tea towel!! 🤣

NBLondon

Flugelhorn said:

I remember having a very wide range of prices on my list - can opener, bathroom scales etc to assorted crockery (buy as much as you like - we still have loads of it, used every day  35 years on!)

I would have said that was basic politeness with a list - include some smaller items at lower prices.  When we got married 22 years ago, some of our friends were students (post-grads) and we knew money was tight for them.

We didn't absolutely need stuff - having merged the contents of two flats to kit out the house - but people asked if there was a list so it was nice to have a set of matching "best" china, cutlery, champagne glasses etc.    We would have felt very odd about asking for money.

TBagpuss

sheramber said:

Grumpy_chap said:

tracy.martin said:

We're looking to get married next year and would like guests to donate money towards our honeymoon in Greece. My parents believe we should allow guest to pick their own gifts - if any. What is everyone's view on this? I know this topic pops up a few times but wondered if the viewpoint has shifted in the last 4 years.  We plan to create a honeymoon gift list on flyustothemoon.com so guest can pick an 'item' rather than just send us money.

Congratulations!  I hope you have the most wonderful wedding and blissful lives together.

Out of interest, how do you think the value of a cash gift should be determined?

Selecting a nice item from a list is somewhat simpler for guests.

What if what is available on the list costs more than the donor is able or willing to spend?

It's thoughtful to have items with a range of prices for this exact reason,   but even a list is only to give ideas.

It can be helpful to give guests an idea of the couple's tastes, so if there isn't anything within their price range but they now know what colours, styles, types of thing they like, the guest can pick a gift not on the list that will fit in, or chose to give a financial gift and suggest it is used towards the any bg ticket items that they have on the list.