Asking for money for honeymoon at our Wedding

tracy.martin

We're looking to get married next year and would like guests to donate money towards our honeymoon in Greece. My parents believe we should allow guest to pick their own gifts - if any. What is everyone's view on this? I know this topic pops up a few times but wondered if the viewpoint has shifted in the last 4 years.  We plan to create a honeymoon gift list on flyustothemoon.com so guest can pick an 'item' rather than just send us money.

sheramber

When my son and his partner got married they already had a house with all the necessary accompaniments.

They set up an account with the travel agent arranging their honeymoon.

Guests were told no gifts were necessary but they could , if they wanted to, donate towards their honeymoon.

Donations were made direct to the travel agency account.

My son only got told the total sum donated and got a list of who had donated so he could thank them.  He was not told how much each  person donated.

Any excess over the cost of the honeymoon was given to them,

elsien

You will get  people who still prefer to buy you something, whether you want it or not, because it feels more personal to some. If that’s the case, then accept it in the spirit in which it was meant.

Otherwise I do think having a list people can choose from is better than just asking for money towards the cost. Makes it more meaningful if someone knows they are paying for your afternoon tea at Raffles, or whatever. 

I’ve also seen a suggestion that you can send pictures of you doing whatever the activity is to the person who “paid ” for it which I think is a nice touch for those who are dubious about just donating cash. 

maman

It is fairly common to do this. I suppose it depends on your finances.  Because most weddings we've been to lately are where the couple already have a home they've either said no gifts or asked for a charity donation. I definitely would prefer to give towards a honeymoon than buy 'stuff' that the couple wouldn't want or need. When nothing is specified, we always give money with a - treat yourselves ' message. That way they can spend it how they like. 😊

MalMonroe

When I got married to my now ex, we were emigrating 6 weeks later so we did ask that, if people wanted to give us anything please could it be cash/cheques as we would need it to set up home when we arrived overseas. People really didn't mind, although someone bought us a set of expensive sherry and wine glasses and someone else a beautiful set of crockery. Oh well! We thanked them profusely, packed them all up very carefully and shipped them off. The glasses and crockery lasted for donkeys' years and we took them around the world. But some folk did give us  money as our request made sense. 

I wouldn't mind at all if I gave a couple money and they wanted to spend it on their honeymoon. If it makes them happy, I don't see anything wrong with that. (Especially if it was afternoon tea at Raffles because I've been to Raffles and it's well worth the experience!)(I had Singapore Slings rather than afternoon tea. . . . )

I hadn't heard of flyustothemoon.com before but having googled it, I think it seems like a good idea. 

olgadapolga

tracy.martin said:

We're looking to get married next year and would like guests to donate money towards our honeymoon in Greece. My parents believe we should allow guest to pick their own gifts - if any. What is everyone's view on this? I know this topic pops up a few times but wondered if the viewpoint has shifted in the last 4 years.  We plan to create a honeymoon gift list on flyustothemoon.com so guest can pick an 'item' rather than just send us money.

You shouldn't "ask" for anything at all, IMO. They are your guests, not your honeymoon providers! This has always annoyed me about weddings, the expectations of gifts, be they tangible or monetary. When DH and I got married, we told everyone that no gifts or otherwise were wanted as just  taking the trouble to attend our wedding was more than enough.

unforeseen

My daughter got married a month ago. They just asked for donations to a charity although some guests still decided to give them money as well as donating to to the charity

Pollycat

olgadapolga said:

tracy.martin said:

We're looking to get married next year and would like guests to donate money towards our honeymoon in Greece. My parents believe we should allow guest to pick their own gifts - if any. What is everyone's view on this? I know this topic pops up a few times but wondered if the viewpoint has shifted in the last 4 years.  We plan to create a honeymoon gift list on flyustothemoon.com so guest can pick an 'item' rather than just send us money.

You shouldn't "ask" for anything at all, IMO. They are your guests, not your honeymoon providers! This has always annoyed me about weddings, the expectations of gifts, be they tangible or monetary. When DH and I got married, we told everyone that no gifts or otherwise were wanted as just  taking the trouble to attend our wedding was more than enough.

+ 1 to this.

On many threads on MSE over the years I've said I don't like giving money as a wedding gift.

It's how I feel.

Maybe I'm old fashioned.

Another poster on a different thread said - in direct response to a similar comment by me:

Sadie73 said:

As a parent involved in two weddings at the moment whereby my children both own houses with their partners, it seems very reasonable to me when they are spending upwards of £200 per guest to have them share their special days to prefer money to another iron or toaster. People may wish to buy something cheap or not disclose by a monetary amount how much they spend on a gift, but please bear in mind that if you are one of the favoured few deemed worthy of spending a great deal of money on to be a guest at a wedding, then please think more kindly of the happy couple. If you’d rather keep your money in your pocket then my suggestion would be to politely decline the invitation rather than giving a pointless gift. I very much hope that the wonderful guests at my children’s long awaited weddings will feel after the delays they’ve experienced, a honeymoon is the very least they deserve.

They missed the point.

It is not about keeping my money in my pocket.

It's not about how deserving they are of a honeymoon.

I'm just not paying for someone else's honeymoon.

My money.

My choice.

Tigsteroonie

I'm old-fashioned too. I prefer not to give money, but would give if I'm told that it's going to a house deposit or new furniture or something else that is needed. I'm not happy to give money to fund a honeymoon - if they can't afford the chosen honeymoon, they can go somewhere cheaper (surely it's the going, not the where). 

But I'm a dinosaur.

gettingtheresometime

I don't mind giving money but weirdly I object to being asked for money to fund, what is in effect, a holiday.

jackieblack

I’m another who dislikes requests for money.  I particularly dislike it when the request is made via a naff poem enclosed with the invitation.

I have a low income and often the cost of attending a wedding is a stretch for my budget. I have, once or twice, had to decline an invitation because I really couldn’t afford it. Knowing that someone’s wedding has cost alot per guest makes me feel a lot of pressure/obligation.

I would never attend a wedding and not give a gift but prefer to choose something that is in my budget, I have often given something like a nice photo frame, something that I’ve chosen with care that I know fits with the couple’s taste. Twice I’ve given a bottle of champagne (one was a free gift I’d received and the other was a re-gift) when I’ve known that it’s something the couple would appreciate and enjoy.