Asking for money for honeymoon at our Wedding

maman

maman said:

I'm another that loathes the naff poems.

IIRC, back in the day, the bride's parents would send out the invitations and when responding you asked the mother if there was a wedding list. Times have changed. 

Of course it doesn't happen now unless the families choose to gift the wedding but, more commonly, the bank of mum and dad gift much more sensibly, if at all.

I was just pointing out that when the bride's parents used to pay traditionally then the couple didn't have to ask for money or anything else because guests approached her mother for suggestions or a list. 

thorsoak

Today it would seem that a lot of people live together,buy the house, have the children and then get married - so the idea of a wedding gift list is becoming obsolete.    

In the USA, it is becoming the norm to be asked to give money to the value of the "plate" -in other words the cost of their meal!

Bit different to the set of tea towels and shopping basket that I received in 1963 from a couple of old ladies who lived along the road!

GaleSF63

thorsoak said:

Today it would seem that a lot of people live together,buy the house, have the children and then get married - so the idea of a wedding gift list is becoming obsolete.    

In the USA, it is becoming the norm to be asked to give money to the value of the "plate" -in other words the cost of their meal!

Bit different to the set of tea towels and shopping basket that I received in 1963 from a couple of old ladies who lived along the road!

In the 1960s if one of my mother's friends or their children were getting married and setting up house for the first time she would give them a present whether or not she was going to the wedding and it used to be a collection of bits and pieces that were needed like washing lines, brushes, wooden spoons, etc. - not exciting but she'd say that these things all add up in cost and they aren't the things that new householders immediately think of. 

sjg666

We did this for our wedding 5 years ago by setting up the option direct with the travel agents so people knew exactly where their money was going and I was very surprised at how much people gave us! When I wrote out our thank you notes I tailored the thank you to the amount of the contribution e.g. “thank you for your gift we will use it to go skating in Central Park” and similar things which people have subsequently told us they really appreciated. 

Conversely we’ve been asked to give to honeymoons over the years and I prefer to give via the travel agent or to give currency for the destination of the planned honeymoon.  There are some situations I’m not especially comfortable with:-

One was where I didn’t trust the bride and groom to actually put the money towards their honeymoon as I knew from another family member that they were VERY short on paying for the actual wedding (and I was seemingly right after they provided no gifts to best man etc. on the day and they said there wouldn’t be one but then they produced a gift a few days after the wedding!). 

Another was where we asked the bride and groom where they were planning on going (with a view to gifting them the relevant currency) and they said they didn’t know yet as they were waiting to see how much people gave them. I didn’t like that at all, something about it feels icky to me (though I didn’t doubt the money would go towards their honeymoon for that couple). 

Grumpy_chap

tracy.martin said:

We're looking to get married next year and would like guests to donate money towards our honeymoon in Greece. My parents believe we should allow guest to pick their own gifts - if any. What is everyone's view on this? I know this topic pops up a few times but wondered if the viewpoint has shifted in the last 4 years.  We plan to create a honeymoon gift list on flyustothemoon.com so guest can pick an 'item' rather than just send us money.

Congratulations!  I hope you have the most wonderful wedding and blissful lives together.

Out of interest, how do you think the value of a cash gift should be determined?

Selecting a nice item from a list is somewhat simpler for guests.

Flugelhorn

I am not keen on giving money but like practical presents, I was going to a friend's wedding and my parents were going too - friends wanted practical things, I bought them a garden hose and suggested parents got them a wheelbarrow - no they wanted to get a "nice piece of china - to keep" , thankfully they listened and got the wheelbarrow but made me take it to the wedding!  Friends were delighted with very practical gifts and they were in brand-new house with unturfed garden starting with zilch

Viki2410

We're getting married next year and have done the same thing. We've been to weddings of our friends etc and this is what has been done. 

We've booked our honeymoon and could comfortably pay it off, but if people would like to give a gift towards that, then that's great, our money will go in savings. We own our house, have done for a few years, have everything that we need etc, so if people want to give a gift great, but we don't expect one. 

All the people who are saying they don't like to give money etc, that's your personal choice, but like someone else commented I do think that times have moved on and I don't see it as tacky if that's what the Bride & Groom request. You're under no obligation to gift. Our wedding is costing around £180 a head, but we chose to invite those people to spend our day with us and we would in no way expect to be "paid back" for the cost of the day via a gift. 

ZeroSum

We're recently engaged & currently arranging wedding.

I've never been comfortable with the idea of wedding lists. It's just cheeky asking for stuff (especially if some can't afford it).

I've had my own house for nearly 20 years, and there is nothing that we need. So if we were given household items, it's just a waste as it buying stuff for the sake of it. Cash is much more useful.

When giving cash, what does it matter what it's spent on? Why does it need to be ring fenced for specific things? If someone is using it to pay down a bank loan for the wedding, so what. It all just goes in & out of the same pot anyway in the long run

We wont be asking for anything, and just let guests give what they want (which in the main will probably be money, gift vouchers & alcohol). Any cash will then probably just go towards general honeymoon spending money.

rach_k

I prefer it when people say we can give cash!  It's a nice, easy gift that fits in your bag/pocket and you know it'll be used, unlike a random appliance you've chosen or a set of fancy plates they'll put in a cupboard for 'best'.

When we got married, we added a line saying that no gifts were necessary but that if people wanted to give something, we'd appreciate a donation to a charity close to our hearts (and connected to our relationship) or spending money for the honeymoon.  Most people gave us money so we made a donation to the charity as well.

Timpu

Congratulations! Views will range from being happy to contribute, to finding it distasteful. We gave people two options (neither related to our honeymoon or a gift list) and some made up a third option. All were lovely and much appreciated. My point is, people will do what they are comfortable with. Therefore, do what works for you and go with the flow.