The Best View Comes After the Hardest Climb.

stymied

Oh no! We’ve just coming out the other side of covid. Rest as much as possible and let anything you can slide until you’re better. Hang on to the fact that the worst should pass in a few days and hopefully your mum has had her booster vaccine?

badmemory

If I'm honest I think as a teacher that getting it was eventually inevitable.  Doesn't make it any easiler though does it?  Look after yourself - if you don't no-one else will!

Honeysucklelou2

Oh no Buffy...wishing you a speedy recovery.

Buffythedebtslayer

Thanks everyone, 

I am doing better today, not quite so hot and cold, but still weak. I don't think Mum gets it or is so worried she can't think straight. To talk about lighter things, I am worried about the smallest newest Bun. She is evil - bites and scratches and will not be tamed, needs neutering but she is showing some (And I do mean some) repetitive behaviour. Also the piggies, not totally happy with being stuck in their cage, I can't feed them veg at the moment, I don't want to access the fridge till I am more with it and will be sure I can clean it properly. They are bored. and grumpy, much like me to be fair. 

The rabbit bothers me more. Well Mum bothers me the most! I just hope she keeps safe from this. 

RosaBernicia

Good to hear you are feeling better.  Have you contacted any local support for help?  The local authority should be able to link you up and there were some informal local support groups as well. 

Magpie100

Hey buffy, long-time lurker wishing you well. Rest and hydrate and respect that even if you feel ok your body is clearing a virus. You are a lovely person and a brilliant writer. Xx

mothernerd

Hugs Buffy

Buffythedebtslayer

I get I am sitting(half laying truthfully) alone in my room drinking hot water and so that won't be helping my mood at all, plus I am ill. Never felt so weak. 

But I am in a dark place. There is no denying it. When it all stops, when I am not running to work, to home, to shop, to pets, to walk, to pills, to ringing the doctors, to trying to fix the door, the gate, the fridge, change a light bulb, pick up dog !!!!!!, sort the recycling, put out the bins, make dinner, clear up from dinner, working, cleaning. tidying. worrying. 

My room is actually filthy, cobwebs and dust. and hay. I have never in my life allowed it to get this bad. Never. But when I look back at the now at the 15 years I have been here it was such a mistake. Everything has been set up around Mum, for mum, no wonder she expects me to do everything her way in her time. I only really lived for me when she went away. And that thing people warned me about that I wouldn't be able to leave has happened - but I remember thinking, ok, the house tho, I do all this and I would have a share in the house but that isn't happening or likely to happen. And there were a few moments when I thought things might have changed. But they didn't work out. 

Such a mess. A waste. 

Three of my friends are off with covid, they all have husbands, family, people who look after them - don't get me wrong I have had 3 genuine offers of food/help and a few nice texts, quite a few really. I can't accept the help - to be fair, I don't need it, we have food, Mum is ok for pills, I can order from Amazon, I have got hay for the animals. I can't accept the help because I am so ashamed of the house. I am too old for this !!!!!!. Too old. Same stupid patterns. 

Anyhow Sainsbury's is here. 

Buffythedebtslayer

Forgot I can't do Sainsbury's! 

Am not drinking enough, can feel a headache coming on. It is truly awful being this weak. 

I think I need some sleep. 

stymied

Don’t forget people can’t come in so you can accept help as a doorstep delivery so no one needs to see the house and I think you should. People like to help.

Also you can blame the state of the house on ill health and poorly animals - who cares if it’s true?!

Covid is a nasty illness - it tricks you into thinking you feel better for a bit when all you should be doing is staying in bed and resting.

So if you can’t do Sainsbury’s, your mum clearly can (or is she still on steroids?). Time to take a step back on some of the jobs.

For the rest, try to remember some good memories from the last 15 years and keep going with those house savings! So many people are hiding their struggles and pretending all is fine. You’re not alone.