The Best View Comes After the Hardest Climb.

Honeysucklelou2

Sorry to hear about your bunny...thinking of you.

Buffythedebtslayer

thank you all XXX 

I have found this week so hard. Mum hasn't been good. She is in a lot of pain and this makes it all so hard to do anything. Obviously Tuesday was awful, I had a terrible headache from then on. I don't even remember most of the week. Totally didn't write down what I had taught, not like me at all. so the week was a mess basically. 

I am really quite worried about myself. And Mum oh and my BIL is ill, my sister is in touch with 111. Been so ill and so tired. Got so much to do. Really want to go to bed. 

I need sleep but mum doesn't want to go to bed yet. Tempted to text !!!!!! Head but will not. I miss him, I miss house bun. I miss the idea that I had a future and plans. 

XXXXX

Sun_Addict

Sorry to read you’re feeling so low. Perfectly normal given the circumstances. You still have a future and plans you’ve just hit a bump in the road. I hope things start to improve soon. Take care xx

WinterWarrior

It’s horrible right now, but there will be better days, there always are. You are doing a difficult job in difficult circumstances and you should be proud of all the things you are accomplishing. You will get to that best view, just now it’s the climb 🌺

Buffythedebtslayer

Thank you SA and WW XXX 

I think I was so tired last night it was unbelievable. I slept from 11.30 till 6 and then until 8.30

I feel better in myself today. Not so horribly tired. I get to see some friends today and I have to work out my plan for the house for the afternoon. I think it might be the garden as it is disappointing to be in such a mess.  And I need to move some things around in the shed. 

Sunday is all about the hospital, a nap and some work. 

XXX

milann

Pleased you feel a bit better. You are doing amazingly juggling lots of things. Enjoy time with your friend 👍

warby68

I would love to give you a day off. I only care for my mum from a distance but its a 24/7/365 responsibility nonetheless. 

Do you think maybe its time to get you and mum some help with things - the obvious are a gardener and cleaner. I know you don't particularly like others seeing the house but you might need to get past that. You work full time, care for mum and a lot of animals and have a couple of health niggles yourself. Its an awful lot for one person without support. My mum resisted a cleaner for a very long time but now she is her best friend! Her gardener will also do small odd jobs - he's a bit expensive but very reliable. She is a difficult customer and I have to smooth things over a lot when he threatens to quit. She has unrealistic asks sometimes. There is no way we could manage mum's situation without them. 

Mum also has a few aids suggested by social services which help with grip and balance and moving things around. I thought we'd done all we could ourselves but its surprising what 3rd parties pick up. 

I don't know what your mum's issues are but mine has a degenerating spine, a lot of pain, poor balance and grip and very poor eyesight to name but a few. She has the tri-walkers everywhere and manages beautifully with them. 

The next service we will probably use is a meals one to give her a hot meal and welfare check at lunchtime. Not there yet but I could see how that could help you, meaning only a light snack for the evening possibly.

I really feel for you especially that your whole timetable appears to be dictated to by mum which is very difficult when you need rest and downtime. I hope you don't feel the suggestions are too pushy but I was close to overwhelmed at one stage with mum's needs after a hospital stay so I think I understand. I'm the only carer

Willowtree222

I think a gardener is a really good start as this will at least deal with one of the things that you think is a mess. That might then allow you time to focus on other things. 

Thinking of you Buffy. There isn't much I can say or do to help and reading your diary makes me want to reach out and give you a hug x

beanielou

As Captain Tom says tomorrow will be a better day xxx

Can only echo what others say.
You cannot do this on your own.

Buffythedebtslayer

We had a gardener for ages (years!) but he kept breaking things and not saying, then he cut through the wires for the fish pond killing some of my fish and costing me about 200 quid in replacement equipment. I was livid! I have my mechanic's gardener coming in October to do some tidying and I think I will keep him for "seasonal work"? I sort of like it and having the gardener became increasingly difficult,1. Mum had to be up to give him the key or we left it open (which I didn't like at all) 2. As Mum got worse unfortunately he realised and did less and less. I did clock this during May half term and we had a row (Mum and I ) as I thought she was being ripped off. Plus he also used skip weeks when he felt like it. Then when he ruined the fish pond I just told him not to come any more. 

Cleaner. Hmm. I wouldn't be comfortable with that at all. I am so near to having the house straight. Today I spent two hours emptying the shed and having a re arrange and am chuffed to bits with the space I have and the potential for selling some of the pet stuff in there. Plus three bags of rubbish - mainly broken plastic boxes and recycling. And SPACE! 

We are on a waiting list for social services.... 15 weeks. Hopefully Mum will start to feel better. I have tried a lot of stuff. I get what you all mean tho. Am going away in November and have booked another lunch date with my friends. It was so amazing to see them today. Just love them. I felt all positive and energised when I came home. Hence the shed situation. You have no idea how chuffed I was. 

Tomorrow is hospital. Wish me luck!