Do you trust CAFCASS??

[Deleted User]

Yes

henry24 said:

But soldiers aren't automatically stopped from seeing their children because they haven't seen them for 6 months as in this case.
Across the road from me a man has gone away on a 5 month contract should he be allowed to see his children when he gets back home 

 Whilst away my bet is he's phoned, written or video called his kids so no. 

 Children are not property to do with ad one wishes regardless if how it affects them

T.T.D

No

We know what we’ve been told at this point. 

Labtec has been given some good advise, maybe lost in frustration. 

There’s three sides to this story. Dads, Mums and the children’s we’re missing 2 evidentiary sides to complete a full picture. 

Not everything is as linear as you want to it be. 

Family Court is full of twists and bends, you cannot make it linear and you cannot be rigid when it wants you to bend, and demanding IT does so lands you with more problems. 

TBagpuss

the point is that the question at this point isn't about what ought, in an ideal world, to happen. It's abut what can you achieve right now.

If you are being offered indirect contact but are turning it down,. that means your kids don't get to see you.
Whether that's morally right or not , they don't get to see you.

If you do accept it, then they get to see you, you get to see them - maybe not as much or as often or in the circumstances that you or they want, but they get to see and speak to you.

It's not always about absolute right or wrong. Sometimes you need to pick the least worst option for right now, then keep working towards the best outcome longer term. 

Accept any and all contact you are offered. You can accept on the basis that you would like it to be more, that you think the precautions or limitation being suggested are unnecessary, but accept it. Any contact is better than none, and court proceedings take time. Why deny the children the opportunity to talk to you, and see you on screen, between now and July, and then between July and any final hearing? 

Labtec81

Definitely not....

TBagpuss said:

the point is that the question at this point isn't about what ought, in an ideal world, to happen. It's abut what can you achieve right now.

If you are being offered indirect contact but are turning it down,. that means your kids don't get to see you.
Whether that's morally right or not , they don't get to see you.

If you do accept it, then they get to see you, you get to see them - maybe not as much or as often or in the circumstances that you or they want, but they get to see and speak to you.

It's not always about absolute right or wrong. Sometimes you need to pick the least worst option for right now, then keep working towards the best outcome longer term. 

Accept any and all contact you are offered. You can accept on the basis that you would like it to be more, that you think the precautions or limitation being suggested are unnecessary, but accept it. Any contact is better than none, and court proceedings take time. Why deny the children the opportunity to talk to you, and see you on screen, between now and July, and then between July and any final hearing? 

Oh I'm not stupid and I wouldn't turn anything down because that would totally defeat the object of me starting proceedings to see my children, if I had no choice then I would accept it on the basis that it wouldn't be for a huge amount of time and that it needs to be reviewed regularly. 

Labtec81

Definitely not....

_shel said:

henry24 said:

But soldiers aren't automatically stopped from seeing their children because they haven't seen them for 6 months as in this case.
Across the road from me a man has gone away on a 5 month contract should he be allowed to see his children when he gets back home 

 Whilst away my bet is he's phoned, written or video called his kids so no. 

 Children are not property to do with ad one wishes regardless if how it affects them

Nobody said they were property, and given a choice I would have phoned and video called my children! Instead I've written letters which purely based on how my ex is when it comes to me I very much doubt she's even given them the letters. 

Labtec81

Definitely not....

sassyblue said:

Glad the cafcass officer spoke to your children already and July isn’t too far away so that’s good. I really hope you get contact arranged then.

in response to the post above mine, you know you do share equal parental rights with the children’s mother but of course that isn’t the same as equal contact.

I realise that I have equal rights when it comes to my children yes, and as far as I'm concerned that should include equal contact, that's what equal rights is all about surely... 

elsien

Labtec81 said:

sassyblue said:

Glad the cafcass officer spoke to your children already and July isn’t too far away so that’s good. I really hope you get contact arranged then.

in response to the post above mine, you know you do share equal parental rights with the children’s mother but of course that isn’t the same as equal contact.

I realise that I have equal rights when it comes to my children yes, and as far as I'm concerned that should include equal contact, that's what equal rights is all about surely... 

Children's best interests come first before any equal rights. If it's in their best interests to have equal contact, then that is what should happen. If it isn't, then it shouldn't. 

Labtec81

Definitely not....

elsien said:

Labtec81 said:

sassyblue said:

Glad the cafcass officer spoke to your children already and July isn’t too far away so that’s good. I really hope you get contact arranged then.

in response to the post above mine, you know you do share equal parental rights with the children’s mother but of course that isn’t the same as equal contact.

I realise that I have equal rights when it comes to my children yes, and as far as I'm concerned that should include equal contact, that's what equal rights is all about surely... 

Children's best interests come first before any equal rights. If it's in their best interests to have equal contact, then that is what should happen. If it isn't, then it shouldn't. 

I completely agree, but it is in their best interests to see me because I'm their dad, and I say that because there's no reason why they shouldn't be seeing me and that's why I started court proceedings so that I get to see them because my ex is so unreasonable..

swingaloo2

Labtec81 said:

elsien said:

Labtec81 said:

sassyblue said:

Glad the cafcass officer spoke to your children already and July isn’t too far away so that’s good. I really hope you get contact arranged then.

in response to the post above mine, you know you do share equal parental rights with the children’s mother but of course that isn’t the same as equal contact.

I realise that I have equal rights when it comes to my children yes, and as far as I'm concerned that should include equal contact, that's what equal rights is all about surely... 

Children's best interests come first before any equal rights. If it's in their best interests to have equal contact, then that is what should happen. If it isn't, then it shouldn't. 

I completely agree, but it is in their best interests to see me because I'm their dad, and I say that because there's no reason why they shouldn't be seeing me and that's why I started court proceedings so that I get to see them because my ex is so unreasonable..

 I agree with a lot of what you have said, my husbanfd had problems with a vindictive ex and had to go through cafcass to se his child. Sadly, even though the report was in his favour and the judge agreed  he should have more contact his ex still put barriers up and made up one excuse after another as to why he could not see his cchild this week, birthday party, trip out somewhere, football match,illness etc, etc, etc. Going through cafcass and getting a court order does not solve the problem. Yes you can keep going back to court but is that fair on the child/

But you cannot say 'It is in their best interest to see me because I am their dad'. That is not always the case and at the age your children are they get a lot of say in what happens. Its not as simple as you 'being right' and at some point both parents should consider how the children are feeling being fought over.  Its also the case that when with one parent the children will tell the other what they think that parent wants to hear not what they are actually feeling. 
When my husbands son came to stay his mum would continually ring him and tell him how unhappy she was at home without him and tell him 'if you want to come home just tell dad and he has to bring you' which had the effect of making the child feel guilty being away from his mum and want to go home to her. Was it fair to my husband, not at all, but he would take him home and gradually got less and less contact which hurt him terribly but he did not want to put his son in a position where he felt torn.
The children come first, not the parents rights. There is no such thing as 'equal rights' when it comes to childrens upbringing. If it were as simple as that then violent parents would get to have the children 50/50 because they have equal rights.  
The only rights that matter are those of the children who never asked to be put in the poistion they find themselves in.

declan199210

Labtec81 said:

sevenhills said:

I wasn't happy with CAFCAS when they dealt with myself and my ex. They seemed biased towards the mother, but that was 20 years ago. I hope they have changed.

Nope nothing has changed, they are definitely biased towards the mother's.

I don’t think that’s true.

I went through the whole process with CAFFCASS and mash and I ended up at my final hearing with full custody and I’m male.

set out your case in a cool calm manner and if needed go through family court and get yourself a good Soliciter.