Do you trust CAFCASS??

Labtec81

Definitely not....

_shel said:

 Suddenly spending lots of time with a person after zero contact over several months can be very confusing and upsetting for children. They need stability and reassuring the visitor may stay around. The welfare and emotional health of the children is top priority not what you want. Advisor has to take this into account in their Court recommendation.

Here's the point you seem to be missing right, my ex left October 2015 and I saw my kids all the time after she left until December 2020 when for no good reason she stopped us seeing each other... And just because they haven't seen me for 6 months does not mean they need to not see me for even longer.... That's absurd to even think that, I am on their birth certificates and since December 2003 ALL father's named on birth certificates have the exact same rights as the mother does which includes seeing them in the physical form, I have not created any instability whatsoever as I have always wanted to see my kids and I've never once pushed them away and in order to have a stable relationship with me their father they need to see me. It's not in question whether I'll stay around because I always have... It's their mother caused problems not me. And she's done it purely to damage my children's relationship with me.

Do you not think being kept away from their dad causes emotional distress for the children!

Labtec81

Definitely not....

BrassicWoman said:

depends a bit why the six month break and how you've kept in touch during that period, doesn't it?  no contact vs weekly FaceTime / letters and cards feels very different to kids.

The 6 month break wasn't a choice... They weren't given a choice and neither was I and before that I saw them in person. I know what letters and cards feel like to kids, physical contact and actual contact with their dad is far better than letters and cards FACT!

Labtec81

Definitely not....

TBagpuss said:

Cafcass's role is to look at the Children's welfare, rather than your  or your ex's agenda.

It's pretty common to have a phased introduction / reintroduction of contact where children haven't seen the non-resident parents for a while, especially if there was no indirect contact during that time either.

It may well be appropriate in the circumstances

in what way did the Cafcass reporter twist what was said or have an agenda? Part of their job is to tell you what the other parent's concerns or suggestions are, and it's possible that they misunderstood or were seeking to clarify your points, rather than twisting them.

Have you seen their initial safeguarding letter yet? .

Obviously if you feel that the children would benefit from resuming direct contact straight away you can say so, but bearing in mind that the court will be looking at what is right for the children, you may be better advised to agree to some short-term indirect contact with a view to then progressing quickly to direct contact , and if you think going straight to direct contact is best for the children, be willing to set out why you think so. 

Cafcass reporters are people, so of course it is possible for individuals to be prejudices or to make mistakes, but as a whole, they ae normally pretty good, and are usually quite good about correcting mistakes or misunderstandings where these are made. 

The whole phased reintroduction to a parent that has been deliberately alienated from their children is nonsense, that just play's into my exes hands and I'm not playing her games...

I'll tell you how the cafcass officer twisted what I said, basically they asked me what were our arguments about when we had them and obviously 6 years down the line I'm not going to recall specifics so I said it could have been about this or that or the other and he said oh so it was about that then was it and I said NO I'm just using that as an example yet he wanted to put down that's what we argued about despite it only being an example that's what I mean when I say twisted what I said and if he tried that with me what chance has an 8 year old and a 12 year old going to have when talking to him....

I haven't seen any initial safeguarding letter yet because they haven't done one, they haven't yet spoken to my children so can't really do the letter before asking them what their wishes are surely.

And yes I do strongly believe that my children will benefit from resuming direct contact with me straight away and I will be saying so because my son the last time I spoke to him said he'd been begging his mother to be able to see me his dad so that says it all . He's never had to beg to see me because I'd see him anytime it's just his mother that brought upon that coming from his mouth, the poor lad.

Labtec81

Definitely not....

sassyblue said:

Labtec81 said:

The reason I ask that is I had my first meeting with the cafcass family court advisor the other day who had already met with my ex partner and I never expected him to try and twist what I said to suit his agenda nor did I agree with him saying that because my children haven't seen me for 6 months that perhaps they should just contact me by phone or video calls to start with rather than in the physical sense.... which I completely disagree with....

Are you sure he didn’t offer you the chance to have phone or video call contact whilst the court proceedings are ongoing, leading up to proper physical contact?

Are you having any phone contact at the moment?

Yes I'm sure as they haven't offered me any contact at all while they look into the crap that has come out of my exes mouth.

And no there isn't any contact at the moment hence why I started court proceedings.

Labtec81

Definitely not....

sevenhills said:

I wasn't happy with CAFCAS when they dealt with myself and my ex. They seemed biased towards the mother, but that was 20 years ago. I hope they have changed.

Nope nothing has changed, they are definitely biased towards the mother's.

Labtec81

Definitely not....

sassyblue said:

gizmo111 said:

sassyblue said:

Labtec81 said:

The reason I ask that is I had my first meeting with the cafcass family court advisor the other day who had already met with my ex partner and I never expected him to try and twist what I said to suit his agenda nor did I agree with him saying that because my children haven't seen me for 6 months that perhaps they should just contact me by phone or video calls to start with rather than in the physical sense.... which I completely disagree with....

Are you sure he didn’t offer you the chance to have phone or video call contact whilst the court proceedings are ongoing, leading up to proper physical contact?

Are you having any phone contact at the moment?

He can only offer that if the Mother is in agreement with this indirect contact.  He can recommend it to the court as an interim measure until Final Hearing, but only the court can order it.

Yes she must have been in agreement because the Caracas officer offered it and the OP refused it…

No I didn't refuse anything... I didn't say I was offered that I said that is what they said they might consider, nothing has been offered yet.

Labtec81

Definitely not....

MovingForwards said:

Are you mobile yet or still bedridden.
Phone / video calls seem reasonable as a starting point in the circumstances.

Irrelevant, just because someone is bedridden they cannot discriminate and use that as a valid reason for me not to see my children.

[Deleted User]

Yes

Labtec81 said:

MovingForwards said:

Are you mobile yet or still bedridden.
Phone / video calls seem reasonable as a starting point in the circumstances.

Irrelevant, just because someone is bedridden they cannot discriminate and use that as a valid reason for me not to see my children.

 I'm afraid they can. Depending on the age and ability of the kids and if you have a partner there while they are visiting. They can definitely say a person doesn't have the capability to care for the children whilst in their care. 

BrassicWoman

Yes

Labtec81 said:

BrassicWoman said:

depends a bit why the six month break and how you've kept in touch during that period, doesn't it?  no contact vs weekly FaceTime / letters and cards feels very different to kids.

The 6 month break wasn't a choice... They weren't given a choice and neither was I and before that I saw them in person. I know what letters and cards feel like to kids, physical contact and actual contact with their dad is far better than letters and cards FACT!

So did you write to them if all other routes were closed?

TBagpuss

Labtec81 said:

The whole phased reintroduction to a parent that has been deliberately alienated from their children is nonsense, that just play's into my exes hands and I'm not playing her games...

I'll tell you how the cafcass officer twisted what I said, basically they asked me what were our arguments about when we had them and obviously 6 years down the line I'm not going to recall specifics so I said it could have been about this or that or the other and he said oh so it was about that then was it and I said NO I'm just using that as an example yet he wanted to put down that's what we argued about despite it only being an example that's what I mean when I say twisted what I said and if he tried that with me what chance has an 8 year old and a 12 year old going to have when talking to him....

I haven't seen any initial safeguarding letter yet because they haven't done one, they haven't yet spoken to my children so can't really do the letter before asking them what their wishes are surely.

And yes I do strongly believe that my children will benefit from resuming direct contact with me straight away and I will be saying so because my son the last time I spoke to him said he'd been begging his mother to be able to see me his dad so that says it all . He's never had to beg to see me because I'd see him anytime it's just his mother that brought upon that coming from his mouth, the poor lad.

The initial safeguarding letter is done before any meeting with the children- it normally follows on from a brief telephone conversation with each parent to identify what (if any) concerns either parent has, what each parent is seeking, and what the key issues in dispute are.

It also records the results of the basic safeguarding checks - checks made with Police, Probation and Social Services to identify whether either party is known to them in any capacity and if so, whether there is anything which is relevant to the issues the court is looking at (e.g. a police record for a minor offence years ago would be recorded but unlikely to be relevant, police involvement relating to domestic abuse, sexual assault or offences against children's would be relevant no matter when they happened, and other types of offence or allegation might or might not have much relevant depending on their nature and how recent they were)

Then other thing which the letter typically sets out is whether Cafcass are recommending any further reports or involvement - if such further involvement is recommended that might include a report by Cafcass for which they would meet the children to report on their views. 


You are right that a father who has PR has the same rights as a mother, but this is not about your rights as a parent, it's about what is in the children's best interests. 

And if they have not had any contact for 6 months, regardless of why that was or whose fault it was, it may well be in their interests for there to be a gradual restart and for there to be some indirect contact as a first step. If the children want to see you, then getting to speak to you by phone or facet me isn't ideal but it is a lot better than not getting any contact at all, for them and for you 

Any contact is better than none. Accept any contact which is offered. You can accept it while at the same time making the point you think it is in your children's best interests to move forward more quickly. And it can only help you case if you do.

If you are correct and the children do want to see you, then getting to talk to you and see you on screen will probably result in them asking more about meeting up - that can only help you to move more quickly to direct contact.

If they have some reservations, perhaps because of things their mother's or others have said to them, then seeing and speaking to you is the best way of countering those - if they get to talk to you then what they know and remember about you and their relationship with you is reinforced and 'drowns out' any misinformation they've been given, and if they do have any worries then they can ask you about them and you can reassure them. 

By refusing contact you are shooting yourself in the foot. It sends the message to the court, and more importantly, to the children, that you care more about getting your own way than about actually spending time with the,.

Take what you are offered and then build on that to increase it.