Boyfriend expects me to buy a house for us

kazwookie

I think I would be heading in the opposite direction from all of this.

Don't sell your flat.

Don't put his name on anything

Don't put your name on anything of his

littlegreenparrot

Regardless of his intentions you are clearly not comfortable with this and therefore you shouldn't do it. 
Cancel the sale, don't add his name to anything. It doesn't mean you are spoilt, or don't trust him, or any of the other nonsense that might be thrown at you. It just means you are an independent person who would like to remain in control of their own finances, which is perfectly sensible. 

I am also surprised that it's got to this stage and you don't know how much money he has. I am all for separate finances but you need to know what you are working with. If you are going to buy a house together it needs to be properly together. How can you do any of the maths about how affordable somewhere is if you don't know that? 

Try and de-personalise it, take out the emotion and approach it like a business deal  - which it is. It makes no sense. I would explain that to him and explain exactly what you need to be able to go forward with anything. He either steps up to that with some clarity or tells you to bog off, then you have your answer.....

ZaSa1418

So he wants you to sell your flat and buy a house that he wants 50% ownership of , no way. Either he sells his flat and you go all in or put a stop to this immediately. 

thorsoak

If a friend were to ask your advice for the situation you have described - what would you be advising them to do?    
It may be uncomfortable, but you do have to sit down together, and ask to see his credit score.   If he has absolutgely nothing to hide,he will agree - but if he scoffs and accuses you of not trusting him,then there is a problem.  Keep the house in your name only, keep the flat in his name only. 

SeanG79

I think before anyone can judge (although reading comments they already have), you need to establish what is the value of his flat & mortgage and what is the value of your flat and what is the value of the new house?

Once you know those figures, you can then look to set up a tenants in common arrangement based on facts of what each party is actually contributing to the "merger" and set up a fair ownership situation across the properties. 

For example if your flat is worth £100k and his flat is (£200k with a £100k mortgage), if the new house is £100k, you are effectively both contributing the same amount so both being named on the deeds of both properties as equals makes sense, if not it obviously doesnt but that doesnt mean you cannot be tenants in common and both be named on the deeds. 

Pennylane

I think just by even querying this, you know the answer.  

TBagpuss

Don't buy the house in joint names unless you are comfortable that you have a fair agreement about how it will all work moving forward. If you do, then even if he did nothing at all he would be entitled to 50% of the equity ! (you could do it if the house's net equity is equal to or less than the equity in his flat, AND he agrees to put the flat into joint names at the same time) 

This sounds like the kind of situation where it would be sensible for you to have a cohabitation agreement which explicitly sets out what each of you will be entitled to .

It's complicated in that if he does work to renovate the house, that would be a valuable contribution, but it won't add value to the house until it is compelled, so you would need to ensure that you have  provision for what would happen if you split up part way through that process - for instance, this might include you agreeing to reimburse him for materials - if you and he plan to live in the house while the work is carried out you'd have to decide whether the aim is that his work on the property is effectively 'rent'  - you might have and agreement to get the house valued on a 'before and after ' basis and put it into joint names once the work is completed, with a declaration f trust to split the house based on the value of your respective contributions (i.e. your contribution would be your capital investment and his would be the amount that the work increased the property value by)

Be aware that the cost of work may easily exceed the value that it adds, so be wary of an arrangement which effectively gives him an interest based on the commercial price he would charge to do the work  -(and if that's what he proposes, you may be better off having the house in your sole name, and paying him or another builder to do the work!) 

sassyblue

duncanthedog said:

Sounds to me like you are just another project that he is working on and is not fully commited to your relationship.

Initially I thought this but I wonder if he is fully committed but naive about the figures involved.

In any case it would be a no from me. A few years down the line and he’d walk away with 50% of the equity if you split up (he'd be extremely lucky to walk away with 50% equity if you split soon after buying the property, barely any judge would let him walk away with it when he’s been added to a property where the entirety of the net sale proceeds came from a property you solely owned and sold).

The waters would be muddied somewhat if any renovations he does adds value to the property too.

My advice would be to sit him down for a chat and talk everything through, you need to know his full financial situation and then have a Cohabitation Agreement drawn up by Solicitors reflecting your agreement, outlining what would happen if you should split.  You mentioned he pays all his 'loans' so I’d want to know about them too.

If he gets annoyed I’d be dubious about your future together but if he’s willing to swap financial information and have a Cohabitation Agreement drawn up, then you know you can trust him.

pinkshoes

1. How long have you been together?
2. How much equity is in his flat? (Value minus remaining mortgage).

You might be planning to get married, but for now I would keep your purchase as your own. You don't need your name on his deeds and he doesn't need to own half of your new purchase.

Pay for the renovations yourself. If you use him, then it might be wise to pay him for his work.

NEVER underestimate the importance of financial compatibility in a relationship. I have seen so many relationships ruined as couples don't discuss money and don't agree on spending habits. 

As you don't know enough about his finances at the moment, you certainly should NOT be entering into discussions about purchasing a property together!

yksi

He's not being open with you! Why haven't the two of you had the money conversation? Talked about how much each of you have, what each thing costs, what expenses will be involved, and why are you even doing this idea in the first place?!

If you were asking whether to marry him we would be telling you NO!!!!!!!! The two of you are not in a place where you're both on the "same team" where it comes to your future. It doesn't mean he is a creep, it just means you are not in that place yet.

It's really very simple. You just say that you aren't sure you feel ready to sell your flat because you don't have a good understanding of all the finances. If he is the one for you, he will have no problem sharing all of that with you. And he will NOT try to talk you into this if he sees that you are uncomfortable. The right man would back off and respect your feelings. Don't allow a fast-talking guy to con you out of your life's investments. It would be too easy to end up broke and lose half the value of the flat - or more.