Boyfriend expects me to buy a house for us

Dragonfly78

Thanks for your help! What is being suggested is that I buy us a house with my money. He wants his name on it. In return he does some renovation on it which would cost a few thousand pounds. I would also get my name on his flat so we would own our house and his flat together. I would be paying over one hundred thousand pounds and he would if he does be paying a few thousand pounds. Thanks I will be speaking to my family tomorrow. Thanks guys 

RAS

If you are mingling finances, you need full financial disclosure on both sides, get all three credit references checks for both of you and share for a start. Find out how much equity he has in his flat, check what his arrangements are re his son; usually 15% of earnings. Spousal maintenance is unusual but check any other arrangements re payments to his ex. And share information on savings and income. 

Otherwise, for example you could find that you have a half share in his flat which is heavily mortgaged/has equity that must be released to his ex, and he has a half share in your wholly paid for flat/house.  

And unless you are married this all gets very messy if you want out of the relationship, even more so than divorce.

HampshireH

Just don't do it. If your family advise you otherwise I'd be worried.

Seeing his credit file etc won't help and whose to say he will put you on the deeds to his place once he has his hand on 50% of your hard earnt equity/ savings.

This is a disaster waiting to happen. It has manipulation written all over it.

Why not get your name on his deed first but only if it's in positive equity you don't want to take on a flat in negative

Once that's fully finalised buy your new place but ensure there is a legal deed in place to specify your 100%  return of the funds you put in. 

If he contributes then you can go 50/50 on any equity which he has helped build.

This is a must if you do this or you will lose your money if / when you split up.

Obviously if you marry it will be different but you gotta get there first and I wouldn't be marrying anyone if you don't know what money they have or don't have.

Nothing to do with needing to know and everything to do with have an honest and trusting adult relationship. 

Dragonfly78

Thanks a lot for all your advice my family don’t know the full situation but I will speak to them. How would the situation be different if we were married because we have talked about it

HampshireH

Generally assets, pension etc upon divorce are judged from a 50/50 starting point when it comes to splitting the marital assets.

It's just a starting point and may depend on length of marriage.

I'd suggest having better channels of communication before getting married. Sounds like you have a lot to lose and you're already not sure about that

Mojisola

Dragonfly78 said:

How would the situation be different if we were married because we have talked about it

Once you've been married for a few years, everything is considered marital assets.

I wouldn't be going along with his suggestion and I certainly wouldn't be getting married until he'd fully disclosed his financial situation.

Savvy_Sue

Dragonfly78 said:

Thanks a lot for all your advice my family don’t know the full situation but I will speak to them. 

Slight disagreement here: your family may not be the best people to talk this through with, certainly not before you have had a full and frank financial disclosure with your boyfriend. Every family is different, you say yours is posher and richer than his: their assumptions / your assumptions may not be the same as your boyfriend's. 

I struggle to understand how people can get to the stage of buying property 'together' without such full and frank financial disclosure. 

I mean, you say he 'expects' you to buy a house for you together, but if someone said to me "hey babe, why don't you sell that flat of yours, we'll buy a house together and I'll do it up, we'll make a fat profit and it will barely cost me anything?" I wouldn't be saying "Yeah babe, great idea, let's do that" and putting my flat on the market without some serious conversation! 

Maybe it didn't happen quite like that, but you get my point ... 

Dragonfly78 said:

How would the situation be different if we were married because we have talked about it

If you are married, and you split up, there are well established methods for deciding who gets what out of the divorce - how long you've been married, who brought what into the relationship, whether there are children, whether either of you have particular needs which would it difficult to support yourself.

If you're not married, getting legal agreements in place about who owns which property or percentage thereof is strongly recommended. 

But talking to each other, sharing your fears and uncertainties, getting that full and frank disclosure, that's the starting point. 

Happy_Sloth

i think the fact that you've posted this means you have doubts. it sounds you me like your selling your flat and getting half a flat in return but i might be wrong... 

We all want to believe that we will be with our partners forever but you have to be honest with yourself and him.  If after this arrangement legally what would you walk away with?

Legally if two peoples names are on the documents 2 people split the value of the property 50/50 so if you actually bought the property the reality is if you split up you would only get half.   

Now there is more to investing in a property than physical money,  it sounds like he's going to invest time and effort in renovating it.. but how much is that worth?  it sounds like he believes it's worth 50%? but do you? 

Ultimately if things go wrong you need to know that you would walk away with your fair share, if the arrangement would leave you out of pocket,  then you should re-negotiate. Personally i would not accept this arrangement, your gut is telling you something is wrong. 

Now his reasons for doing this might not be sinister if he's a good nice guy then you should be able to talk honestly with him about your concerns.  Explain that if you where to split up you'd lose alot of money and see what he says. 

Unfortunately lots of people lose out on money and end up in financial trouble because they follow their heart, sadly finances are one situation you need to think logically and practically on,  otherwise you'll end up being scammed... millions of woman/men lose their houses every year to people who form relationships with them just to get their money.  It happened to a lady i knew a few years back ... she put her boyfriend on the mortgage because apparently he was concerned that if she died he'd be kicked into the street.  When they broke up he took half her house even though she had bought it outright 10 years before she met him and he'd never paid a penny towards it.  

Finally i think if you are going to buy a house with someone,  the relationship should be secure enough to talk to them candidly about finances and that includes you understanding how much he earns, has and pays for his "other responsibilities" so you understand his exact position before making a decision on if this is a good plan. 

Talk to him and explain that you feel this arrangement would leave you out of pocket if you where to split up.  If he's a decent guy he'll understand and you can come up with a better deal.  if he's not a decent guy then his response will tell you all you need to know. 

itsanne

Currently you pay him rent and own a flat which makes you money as well as having the equity of the flat.

In his plan, you lose the rent from your flat, he pays no rent, you lose half the equity and gift him the other half. You pay the cost of renovations. If he has or gets into financial difficulties your new flat is at risk.

For all that, your name might - his lender might refuse - go on his flat, for which he still has a mortgage. You don't know how much equity is in that flat. If he defaulted, you would be liable. He already at least has had cash flow problems and you don't know anything about his finances other than he has less money than you would expect.

It's very difficult to see any way in which all that makes sense. Giving him the benefit of the doubt, he hasn't thought it through. Talk him through it. (You can even show him this thread.) If you can't talk to him, whether because you find it too uncomfortable or because he won't listen, it's an even bigger red flag.

There are ways in which you can buy a flat for you both to live in, even the one that needs the renovation, but whatever happens don't go with this plan.

203846930

Sounds to me like you are just another project that he is working on and is not fully commited to your relationship.