Divorce and share of wealth.

elsien

Whether her ex, parents, or Uncle Tom Cobbley and all object to any new partner is completely irrelevant. Social services only get involved if there are child protection issues, otherwise it’s up to the person the child is with at the time to decide who is fit to be around them.

Unless your friend is planning to request  the CV on his potential new partners so she can vet the same way in return.

Come back Bluelass, all is forgiven. 

68ComebackSpecial

elsien said:

Whether her ex, parents, or Uncle Tom Cobbley and all object to any new partner is completely irrelevant. Social services only get involved if there are child protection issues, otherwise it’s up to the person the child is with at the time to decide who is fit to be around them.

Unless your friend is planning to issue the CV on if his potential new partners so she can vet the same way in return.

Come back Bluelass, all is forgiven. 

She had the ars* of Pippa Middleton, a deeply dysfunctional family and the ability to weave a masterpiece of fiction. Sadly we don't seem to get that level of quality anymore - just bottom of the barrel guff.

strawb_shortcake

68ComebackSpecial said:

elsien said:

Whether her ex, parents, or Uncle Tom Cobbley and all object to any new partner is completely irrelevant. Social services only get involved if there are child protection issues, otherwise it’s up to the person the child is with at the time to decide who is fit to be around them.

Unless your friend is planning to issue the CV on if his potential new partners so she can vet the same way in return.

Come back Bluelass, all is forgiven. 

She had the ars* of Pippa Middleton, a deeply dysfunctional family and the ability to weave a masterpiece of fiction. Sadly we don't seem to get that level of quality anymore - just bottom of the barrel guff.

I hadn't heard of blue lass until tonight but just spent an entertaining 30 minutes going through old posts so thanks both

gettingtheresometime

Ah for the days of plimsolls, Uggs & toilet breaks

Pollycat

sassyblue said:

His pensions may not need to be touched in the sense that he could give her a larger share of his savings. Employing Actuaries to value pensions and giving percentages away to spouses is costly, I would avoid that at all costs.  Only the years of the marriage will be relevant although another poster working in law disagrees with me on that, but she won’t be able to claim for years worth of capital if the pensions have been running long before marriage.

I disagree with you on that too.

Based on the experience of my friend whose whole relationship was taken into account when splitting pensions. They had lived together for some years before marrying.

Pollycat

justworriedabit said:

Thanks.
The bottom line is even his wife has not claimed any nastiness/etc by her husband hence the clear support from the wife's parents/family and the wife's best friend. It could not be a clearer case of a good husband being cheated on for no real, valid reason other than his wife seeing what sadly too many people see these days is that the grass is greener on the other side,

That doesn't mean it didn't happen.

It's not a 'clear case' of anything.

Apart from you don't know everything that happened through the relationship.

Pollycat

justworriedabit said:

Many thanks. Several useful bits. Our friend is very very good and he still cares about his wife and has no issues re trusting her with their child but wants custody and will ask lawyer he sees next week. He is hoping to make a clean cut ie give her an amount to buy a house/flat near to where they live or where she wants to live and no come backs if at all possible. He will contribute fully towards his child we have no doubt about that. As for social services, they, we are thankfully not been or going that way and hope it stays like that. The only way it may become a "social services issue" is if the man moves in with her or she gets someone else that the childs dad/family wife's family has any concerns. He will go along with what the courts decide but like most wants concrete answers now in order to move on. I did not say this before, but I've been advised that this is not his wife's first affair. That IMO has turned the wifes parents, best friend against her. The only credit I can give to his wife is that she has not yet made any false, nasty, malicious claims about her husband. She had always been flirty, we know that and my husband said to me about a year ago that she was not one to settle down with a nice little family, nice home, secure future and I told my husband to shut up. Boy was I wrong. Thanks again.

It will not become a "social services issue" if her new partner moves in with her - unless there is a very good reason why SS believe the child is at risk.

Your friend, his family, her family and you do not get to dictate what this woman is allowed to do for the rest of her life.

Of course, if anyone has valid concerns about any future partner, that would be different.

Pollycat

justworriedabit said:

The reason why the money was given by the parents of our friend to their son was on the basis, just in case things went wrong as sadly they do in many relationships. Fair enought if it was ten/20 years afterwards but not just a couple of years down the road 

anyway the judges will decide and we all know our friend will have to accept the outcome through no fault of his own.

Pretty dim reasoning there by your friend's parents.

They would have been better hanging on to the money and waiting to see how the marriage went.

In the current situation you describe, there's an unnecessary £100k that is potentially in the marriage pot to be divvied up.

I'm surprised you didn't point out their flawed reasoning at the time of the gift.

74jax

Pollycat said:

justworriedabit said:

The reason why the money was given by the parents of our friend to their son was on the basis, just in case things went wrong as sadly they do in many relationships. Fair enought if it was ten/20 years afterwards but not just a couple of years down the road 

anyway the judges will decide and we all know our friend will have to accept the outcome through no fault of his own.

Pretty dim reasoning there by your friend's parents.

They would have been better hanging on to the money and waiting to see how the marriage went.

In the current situation you describe, there's an unnecessary £100k that is potentially in the marriage pot to be divvied up.

I'm surprised you didn't point out their flawed reasoning at the time of the gift.

If that was the reason for the gift to the son, it would have been declared at the time of purchase. Can they go back to the solicitors to see what was in the notes for the reason of the gift to go towards the deposit. It has to be recorded. 
If the notes say - gift to son and daughter in law for deposit of house then obviously there's problems BUT if as you say, that was the reason, as a parent I'd have made damn sure it was recorded as such. 

EDIT oops sorry quoted wrong bit..... 🤔 

burlingtonfl6

JamoLew said:

burlingtonfl6 said:

JamoLew said:

probably 50/50 (although the 100k gift from the parents "may" be in question)

he was happy to accept and support her lifestyle choice for 5-6 years and make sacrifices to raise their child

there's a lot of he and she in there - as a married couple it is THEIRS - savings, the house, the pension - the lot

I dont have much sympathy for "money grabbing" but this I see as her right

Not much of a sacrifice.....she wasn't doing anything
OP, tell him to brace for the worst because she will have the full weight of the system behind her.

I think you will find that a lot of (most) women and hopefully men would disagree with you.

Staying at home (being expected to) to raise children results in great sacrifices to careers

No - I'm not a woman, or a feminist, just a man who appreciates the sacrifices that my wife made to her life and career to raise our child

If you read the comment I said she wasn't doing anything, as in before she got pregnant.
I've made my feeling on this subject quite clear in the past. I think women who choose to be stay at home mothers are far better for society than those who choose a career and I hate how feminism demonises those women for that choice