She doesn't wish to get a loan for her marriage

Greg89

So I have a sister who had a job at a fast food store for 3 years and had those university tuition grant for 3 years.
She's worked 9 years in as a professional after graduation.
She complains endlessly every week, week in, week out for months shouting, arguing if he can give money, some money towards her wedding in 18 months. I did say we will both give some towards but she is not listening..
I guess she doesn't have savings and she obviously doesn't think she can be disciplined to save.
But bloody hell, working for 9 years, she could have saved. I easily save £100/£150 easily getting £340 a week. That's after petrol, food, my stuff, even giving £50 a week to my father. She's not even paying rent at home or gave money towards bills.
Is this her problem and fault?
She also says she doesn't want a loan.

rollingmoon

Greg89 said:

Is this her problem and fault?

Yes, on both counts. She sounds remarkably entitled.

If she wants to get married then she'll have to have the wedding she can afford. It doesn't have to be expensive.

Greg89

Thank you.
I keep telling her she can have a wedding. I think she wants the type of wedding in celeb magazines.
But bloody hell, arguing about this. Where is her 9 years of work savings? That is her own fault. 

soolin

I think you might be on the wrong board, also in this statement 

She complains endlessly every week, week in, week out for months shouting, arguing if he can give money, some money towards her wedding in 18 months. I did say we will both give some towards but she is not listening..

Who’s ‘he’ , her fiancé ? if so perhaps she needs to work out why her fiancé is disinterested enough to appear not to want to contribute towards his own wedding. Also who’s we, you and your partner ? If so are you both living virtually rent free with your Dad?

it’s an extremely wise move not to get into debt for a wedding , it is just one day and there’s no point in getting into debt for years to pay for it. 

None of us know your circumstances , if you and your partner and whoever the ‘he’ is that’s she’s moaning to don’t want to give her any money then don't, let her moan and if she is sensible she can downscale her wedding plans and do it within her means.

I am still unclear though what exactly this has to do with the loan board and I’ll see if I can move it to the families board. 

Pollycat

soolin said:

Who’s ‘he’ , her fiancé ? 

soolin said:

Also who’s we, you and your partner ?

+ 1 to this ^^^^.

Very confusing original post.

Why would a brother (i.e. you) fund part of your sister's wedding?

Paying board or contributing to bills or not is between your sister and the people whose house she is living in.

At least she appears sensible enough not to consider a loan to fund her wedding.

Sea_Shell

I read it like OP is the brother, who along with his sister (the bride) both still live with their Dad.

Maybe the Sister is not moving out until she's married?    Is she badgering both her brother and dad for money towards the wedding?     

74jax

Greg89 said:

So I have a sister who had a job at a fast food store for 3 years and had those university tuition grant for 3 years.
She's worked 9 years in as a professional after graduation.
She complains endlessly every week, week in, week out for months shouting, arguing if he can give money, some money towards her wedding in 18 months. I did say we will both give some towards but she is not listening..
I guess she doesn't have savings and she obviously doesn't think she can be disciplined to save.
But bloody hell, working for 9 years, she could have saved. I easily save £100/£150 easily getting £340 a week. That's after petrol, food, my stuff, even giving £50 a week to my father. She's not even paying rent at home or gave money towards bills.
Is this her problem and fault?
She also says she doesn't want a loan.

So is she 30? If she's worked 9 years after graduation? Do you both live at home?  
Her wedding is in 2023 is that right?
You have told her you both will give her money towards her wedding, who is both?
I don't think it's her 'fault' for not paying rent. If she doesn't HAVE too then she hasn't. I would have, but I don't blame her.
What she chooses to save and doesn't isn't your concern. 
Tell her how much you'll give her (I'm not sure why you are) and that's it. Don't get involved further.

DCFC79

Where has this idea come from to spend x amount on a wedding that will only last for a day, my brothers getting married but he and the fiancee have said it wont be anything expensive, it will be a registry office and either go for a meal/a few drinks somewhere with family.

74jax

DCFC79 said:

Where has this idea come from to spend x amount on a wedding that will only last for a day, my brothers getting married but he and the fiancee have said it wont be anything expensive, it will be a registry office and either go for a meal/a few drinks somewhere with family.

I'm never fussed what people spend, half the time I can't tell anyway..... Its their day, up to them.
In this case I think the brother needs to say he will contribute x amount and leave her to it. 

soolin

OP I would also urge you to take care of your own finances before even considering offering help to your sister. You say you save money every month but in December you were talking about the possibility of having to give up your job and claim UC and in November you were talking about being heavily in debt and also how people are jealous of you travelling to the US (assuming you could get a further loan). Based on your own circumstances and the fact that your father appears to be trying to support you and your sister on a pension I would suggest you sit down as a family and have a proper and frank discussion. 

Money issues and the pressure on family to help each other shouldn’t outweigh the individual needs that each individual has. If a family is struggling generally it might be best to talk about this calmly and each understand the limitations on the other. 

burlingtonfl6

DCFC79 said:

Where has this idea come from to spend x amount on a wedding that will only last for a day, my brothers getting married but he and the fiancee have said it wont be anything expensive, it will be a registry office and either go for a meal/a few drinks somewhere with family.

It's come from women trying to out do other women.
No man dreams of what he's going to wear on his wedding day.
It's one day that doesn't have an impact of the marriage lasting ( where are we at now? 50% chance of divorce)