She doesn't wish to get a loan for her marriage

unforeseen

FTR, I'm a pensioner and have been married 43 years in total over 2 marriages (and still counting on the second one) so I guess your comment of 'relationships were more stable then' is accurate for me. I'm probably not such a unicorn in that scenario.

I'm not a pensioner and have managed 42 years on a single partner. Met when she was 16, married at 19.

Pollycat

unforeseen said:

I'm not a pensioner and have managed 42 years on a single partner. Met when she was 16, married at 19.

So you're probably the unicorn...

Silvertabby

Pollycat said:

burlingtonfl6 said:

Your story is the exception and doesn't change the general rule

Yes, there's always a few unicorns around.

Seems I'm one of them in this situation too.

Married twice - both at registry offices.

Made my own dress and bridesmaids dresses for the first one.

Had 12 guests at the second one.

Funded both weddings ourselves, even though it was the norm for the bride's parents to pay for it back in the early 70s.

Didn't 'complain endlessly to my parents every week, week in, week out for months shouting, arguing if they can give money towards the wedding'.

I didn't expect my sibling to help pay towards it either.

I just got on with it.

As rollingmoon says, the OP's sister sounds remarkably entitled and the best way to educate her is to say 'no'.

As often as is required.

And me.  Married once, nearly 30 years ago.  Mr S and I were both in our 30s and established in our careers - it never crossed my mind to ask my (retired) parents to pay anything at all towards our wedding!

burlingtonfl6

Pollycat said:

unforeseen said:

I'm not a pensioner and have managed 42 years on a single partner. Met when she was 16, married at 19.

So you're probably the unicorn...

Different times. I'm still reasonably young and my friends who are a few years older who got with their partners before social media and dating apps were a thing have been together since their late teens. It's the complete opposite now with people i know under 30. 

unforeseen

Pollycat said:

unforeseen said:

I'm not a pensioner and have managed 42 years on a single partner. Met when she was 16, married at 19.

So you're probably the unicorn...

She did mention about a horn. 

Pollycat

burlingtonfl6 said:

Different times. I'm still reasonably young and my friends who are a few years older who got with their partners before social media and dating apps were a thing have been together since their late teens. It's the complete opposite now with people i know under 30. 

All our contemporaries have been married for 40+ years.

I can't say I know many people under 30.

strawb_shortcake

I think there has been a big shift in how relationships develop and start as well as the longevity.
A man at work younger than me, openly admits that he sees online dating apps essentially as a catalogue, he won't commit or make an effort to  see a woman exclusively just in case there is a prettier girl next week.
I hear a lot of "I'm not settling for less than perfect" without realising that they aren't perfect (no one is). They seem to set very tall orders and have high expectations of a relationship and a partner should be like, then wonder why no one meets their want list, I don't think some of them even consider what they bring to the table.
But I do think a lot of it is linked to social media and a relationship is just to help portray a perfect happy existence 

tooldle

I must be a unicorn also. I remember going to a relatives wedding when i was 10 or 11. It was a huge affairs, big church, big dress, hundreds of guests, videos, photographer, cars , the whole shooting match. I married in my late twenties. We paid for it all ourselves. Nor cars, photographers or videos. Less than 2k all in, including my dress and his suit. We are coming up for 24th anniversary. I’ve been to many big weddings in the intervening years. Some have lasted although the majority have failed

MovingForwards

I got married in a Registry Office with 7 guests, picked my wedding dress up in a charity shop one lunch time when I was popped in just for something to do. The honeymoon was a weekend away.

When my fiancé and I marry it will also be in a RO. I will see what dresses the charity shop has, my OH will wear either his kilt or a suit he owns. I picked my shoes up in a sale at Debenhams a few years ago for £1. We will grab two people passing as witnesses, afterwards returning home as Mr and Mrs, letting friends and family know when we next contact them. 

strawb_shortcake

My Husband had wanted all the trimmings big wedding, honeymoon flying concorde, then his Mum died and when he realised the one person he really wanted to be there couldn't the big wedding didn't seem so important much to my relief as I hated the thought of being centre of attention for a day. With hindsight I wish we'd have made an effort to fly Concorde.

We ended up eloping to Gretna Green, cost about £300, some bits I wish were different namely going to Burger King after as i hadn't eaten all through nerves and it was the first place we came to when heading back to the Lake district. But we've been married 18 years longer than my Sister's two marriages combined both of which were expensive one traditional one abroad. 
I don't have an issue with people spending big if it's both what they really want and can afford it, and especially if they don't moan  afterwards that they can't afford a deposit for a house...