She doesn't wish to get a loan for her marriage

74jax

burlingtonfl6 said:

DCFC79 said:

Where has this idea come from to spend x amount on a wedding that will only last for a day, my brothers getting married but he and the fiancee have said it wont be anything expensive, it will be a registry office and either go for a meal/a few drinks somewhere with family.

It's come from women trying to out do other women.
No man dreams of what he's going to wear on his wedding day.
It's one day that doesn't have an impact of the marriage lasting ( where are we at now? 50% chance of divorce)

My husband must be the exception..... he talked of nothing else but wearing a blooming wetsuit!  yes, a wetsuit....................

AskAsk

the original post is not clear, but it would appear that the OP's sister is having a go at her dad for not giving her money so that she can have a wedding?  is she of old school where the bride's father/parents pay for the wedding?  is this what this post is about?

ad1927

burlingtonfl6 said:

DCFC79 said:

Where has this idea come from to spend x amount on a wedding that will only last for a day, my brothers getting married but he and the fiancee have said it wont be anything expensive, it will be a registry office and either go for a meal/a few drinks somewhere with family.

It's come from women trying to out do other women.
No man dreams of what he's going to wear on his wedding day.
It's one day that doesn't have an impact of the marriage lasting ( where are we at now? 50% chance of divo

Not every woman, and I know of plenty of men who go crazy for a wedding.  When we got married, it was a registry office and a drink and a few meals that we paid for.  I think there were about 20 people there.  We got married on a Monday so that became a handy "excuse" for not inviting work colleagues and paying for them to have a good time.  In all, I think it only cost us about £2k and the biggest spend was the photographer.  No stag dos, no honeymoon - we were moving house at the time.  Wedding was a great day just with family.  My uncle got married about 4 years later, and he did it the exact same way as us.  He'd been putting it off thinking it was an expensive day.  

Not sure I would ever help pay for my sister to get married either, no matter how much I love her.  This guy's sister is in her 30s, it is for her and her fiance to pay for.  She can always ask for money in lieu of gifts, but what a waste of money some of these weddings are.  I went to one at a plush hotel, was best man, and I know that the wedding cost north of £15k, and neither was particularly wealthy.

burlingtonfl6

ad1927 said:

burlingtonfl6 said:

DCFC79 said:

Where has this idea come from to spend x amount on a wedding that will only last for a day, my brothers getting married but he and the fiancee have said it wont be anything expensive, it will be a registry office and either go for a meal/a few drinks somewhere with family.

It's come from women trying to out do other women.
No man dreams of what he's going to wear on his wedding day.
It's one day that doesn't have an impact of the marriage lasting ( where are we at now? 50% chance of divo

Not every woman, and I know of plenty of men who go crazy for a wedding.  When we got married, it was a registry office and a drink and a few meals that we paid for.  I think there were about 20 people there.  We got married on a Monday so that became a handy "excuse" for not inviting work colleagues and paying for them to have a good time.  In all, I think it only cost us about £2k and the biggest spend was the photographer.  No stag dos, no honeymoon - we were moving house at the time.  Wedding was a great day just with family.  My uncle got married about 4 years later, and he did it the exact same way as us.  He'd been putting it off thinking it was an expensive day.  

Not sure I would ever help pay for my sister to get married either, no matter how much I love her.  This guy's sister is in her 30s, it is for her and her fiance to pay for.  She can always ask for money in lieu of gifts, but what a waste of money some of these weddings are.  I went to one at a plush hotel, was best man, and I know that the wedding cost north of £15k, and neither was particularly wealthy.

Your story is the exception and doesn't change the general rule

MEM62

rollingmoon said:

Greg89 said:

Is this her problem and fault?

She sounds remarkably entitled.

That's nothing a reality check won't solve.  

Pollycat

burlingtonfl6 said:

Your story is the exception and doesn't change the general rule

Yes, there's always a few unicorns around.

Seems I'm one of them in this situation too.

Married twice - both at registry offices.

Made my own dress and bridesmaids dresses for the first one.

Had 12 guests at the second one.

Funded both weddings ourselves, even though it was the norm for the bride's parents to pay for it back in the early 70s.

Didn't 'complain endlessly to my parents every week, week in, week out for months shouting, arguing if they can give money towards the wedding'.

I didn't expect my sibling to help pay towards it either.

I just got on with it.

As rollingmoon says, the OP's sister sounds remarkably entitled and the best way to educate her is to say 'no'.

As often as is required.

burlingtonfl6

Pollycat said:

burlingtonfl6 said:

Your story is the exception and doesn't change the general rule

Yes, there's always a few unicorns around.

Seems I'm one of them in this situation too.

Married twice - both at registry offices.

Made my own dress and bridesmaids dresses for the first one.

Had 12 guests at the second one.

Funded both weddings ourselves, even though it was the norm for the bride's parents to pay for it back in the early 70s.

Didn't 'complain endlessly to my parents every week, week in, week out for months shouting, arguing if they can give money towards the wedding'.

I didn't expect my sibling to help pay towards it either.

I just got on with it.

As rollingmoon says, the OP's sister sounds remarkably entitled and the best way to educate her is to say 'no'.

As often as is required.

That approach doesn't fit the Instagram fake life profile of 2021 though.
I would never dare guess your age but relationships were more stable back then without the influence/temptations of social media.

Pollycat

burlingtonfl6 said:

That approach doesn't fit the Instagram fake life profile of 2021 though.
I would never dare guess your age but relationships were more stable back then.

I guess that's where this idea to spend x amount on a wedding that will only last for a day has come from.

Social media and these Z list celebrities spawned from reality programmes have a lot to answer for.

I have no problem with people spending large amounts of money on their wedding.

It's when they want what they can't afford and 'complain endlessly to parents every week, week in, week out for months shouting, arguing if they can give money towards the wedding' that I feel some degree of restraint should be exercised.

As my Nan used to say 'cut your cloth according to your means'.

If you can't afford to hire a photo booth or popcorn/candy floss booth, give it a miss.

FTR, I'm a pensioner and have been married 43 years in total over 2 marriages (and still counting on the second one) so I guess your comment of 'relationships were more stable then' is accurate for me. I'm probably not such a unicorn in that scenario.

Spendless

I wish the OP would come back and clarify some points. If finances are an issue, fetch the wedding forward to now, 6 people allowed max and no where you can go afterwards. Only online places open to get clothes, no hairdressers or beauticians currently working. It'll cost very little and that's it job done. I know someone who married in Jan, there were 4 guests, his parents, step mum and his sister. Even sister's partner couldn't attend. Bride is originally from a different country and they would have ran into visa problems if they'd postponed their wedding. 

Pollycat

Greg89 said:

Is this her problem and fault?

To answer the OP's questions:

Yes, it is her problem (her wedding, her problem if she wants more than she and her fiance can afford)..

Yes, it is her fault (if she's been working for 9 years and has no savings).