Would you feel offended by this?

wannabe_a_saver

Gloria_Steeth said:

HampshireH said:

I would absolutely not do this. Free cash to a rude person.

If she only got a ticket because she would have to go, the gift was for him.... The wife is just a necessary add on as harsh as that's sounds.

Why should the wife be given cash instead? 

^^^Because it's the refunded money from a ticket that had been gifted to her. I do fully understand that she only got the ticket because @swingaloo2 was doing the polite thing in including her, but nevertheless the ticket then belonged to her. If she (rude friend) had resold the ticket herself, she'd have kept the money, so this is similar (imo).

Anyway, this is all immaterial as it looks like she'll be gracing them with her presence at the concert after all - I had wrongly assumed she was angling for a refund as her partner's jacket costs exactly the same as her ticket!

I disagree, the gift was the concert and the invitation to go along with the OP and the rest of the group, not the monetary value of the actual physical ticket. 

If I invite someone out for a meal and on the day they can't come, I don't then owe them the cost of the food!

Gloria_Steeth

wannabe_a_saver said:

I disagree, the gift was the concert and the invitation to go along with the OP and the rest of the group, not the monetary value of the actual physical ticket. 

If I invite someone out for a meal and on the day they can't come, I don't then owe them the cost of the food!

I hope you would at least bring a doggy bag back for them!

If the concert ticket hadn't already been purchased, that's different. Of course she wouldn't be offered £120 in lieu if she chose not to go with them. 

ginger_chocolate

This might seem a bit of a bizarre question, but does the wife have an autistic spectrum condition?
The comment about the flowers and plants in particular brought this to mind for me, and echos the kind of thing the autistic people in my life might say.
One way of looking at this situation is that she is "odd" and "rude". Another is that she is forthright, honest and practical. In her mind £120 *is* a lot of money to see a band and obviously you would probably rather have the money back, she *does* prefer plants to flowers and getting more flowers than she knows what to do with *is* annoying and it makes sense to let people know that for future reference, asking you to go halves on a present for your friend also might seem sensible as a way of saving money. You don't have to agree with any of those viewpoints, but they aren't inherently terrible.

BabyStepper

swingaloo2 said:

Im not usually a walkover, I have always been able to stand up for myself if needed but for some reason this woman just drives me nuts. 

As much as we would all like to get along with our friends' partners, sometimes it doesn't work out like that. Time to stop flogging a dead horse, OP. You have tried really hard for 12 years yet you still don't like each other, and that's the bottom line. Sometimes it happens, sad but true. 

Time to take several steps back. 'Experience' gifts and weekends away together are for people who get along. If this was going to work, it would have by now. Find different ways to maintain your friendship, see your friend on your own for coffee, a meal out now and then with partners keeps everything amicable and is easier than a weekend away, let your friend know about a concert and leave it up to them to decide if he comes on his own or with his partner. You get the idea. 

The concert tickets are all about context. Ordinarily, a lovely and generous gift. From someone you don't like and who you suspect doesn't like you? Wierd and uncomfortable, with the added obligation of having to go because they were so expensive. I would ride this one out, leave them with the tickets, hope they come (although they might not) and don't give gifts like this to them again. You have done your bit with good intentions.  

The more you see her, the more you will want to talk to your friend about her comments, to try and understand her behaviour or to 'fix' things. Big mistake. She is your friend's partner of many years, he has made his choice, he likely knows what she's like (a bit miserable, struggles to enjoy things, uncomfortable accepting gifts or enjoy being taken out for the day). The point is, he loves her anyway. The fact that you don't like her is neither here nor there. Don't undermine your friend's relationship by pointing out her flaws, unhelpful all round.  

If you're feeling generous and want to keep trying, have a chat with her about plants or something else she's interested in. Buy her a more suitable gift next time to show you listened. Then wait, and see if she responds. Mostly, accept that friendships have to change when long term partners are in the picture and as much as you want cosy double dates as a group of 4, it's not going to happen.   

wannabe_a_saver

Gloria_Steeth said:

wannabe_a_saver said:

I disagree, the gift was the concert and the invitation to go along with the OP and the rest of the group, not the monetary value of the actual physical ticket. 

If I invite someone out for a meal and on the day they can't come, I don't then owe them the cost of the food!

I hope you would at least bring a doggy bag back for them!

Wouldn't even occur to me to do that.  I'll just see them next time. 

Malthusian

Gloria_Steeth said:

wannabe_a_saver said:

I disagree, the gift was the concert and the invitation to go along with the OP and the rest of the group, not the monetary value of the actual physical ticket. 

If I invite someone out for a meal and on the day they can't come, I don't then owe them the cost of the food!

I hope you would at least bring a doggy bag back for them!

I certainly wouldn't. I would invite somebody else to take their place, and if I couldn't find anyone (and the cost of the meal couldn't be refunded), I'd put the doggy bag in my own fridge.

I spent money to take them out for a meal, they chose not to come, they get nothing. If they object to that, they might as well have said "I can't really be bothered to go to a restaurant, why don't you just cancel the booking and pay for my Tesco delivery this week instead".