Would you feel offended by this?

swingaloo2

To answer Pollycat-
 Normally we spend in the region of £10-15 at Christmas on each of them and they do the same. These tickets were different from the norm as me and hubby had seen the act in Vegas and had been talking about how good they were and the man had said that he would love to see them. He had done some work on the house for us and would not accept any payment as he said 'You dont charge friends', usually we help each other out simply because we are mates but this was a big job and we thought that he had gone above. We wanted to show our appreciation and it coincided with Christmas and also a tour being announced so we thought it would be nice to surprise him with a pair of tickets.

kazwookie

Get your money back on the tickets if you can.

Buy a bar of chocolate for them and have done with it, not worth the agro and get on with your life.

maman

I think biting your tongue has to be the best option OP. Obviously, as he's been a friend for 25 years, it predates her and so you just have to accept his choice of partner rather than lose him.

My BIL, who DH has known (obviously) since birth has taken up with an awful, loud and vulgar woman. I cringe in her company every time she opens her mouth. But we grin (or perhaps grimace) and bear it. 😉

Pollycat

swingaloo2 said:

To answer Pollycat-
 Normally we spend in the region of £10-15 at Christmas on each of them and they do the same. These tickets were different from the norm as me and hubby had seen the act in Vegas and had been talking about how good they were and the man had said that he would love to see them. He had done some work on the house for us and would not accept any payment as he said 'You dont charge friends', usually we help each other out simply because we are mates but this was a big job and we thought that he had gone above. We wanted to show our appreciation and it coincided with Christmas and also a tour being announced so we thought it would be nice to surprise him with a pair of tickets.

I wonder if she thinks that because you gave them the tickets as a Christmas gift, they should have the cash equivalent for their tickets if/when you get the refund.

Was she fully aware why you spent so much on them at Christmas - almost 10 times more?

Perhaps she thinks that's the new norm for gifts from you to them and why she asked you to contribute £60 towards the jacket.

Did you once have a thread about going away with this couple?

swingaloo2

Yes Pollycat she was aware why we got the tickets and knows it wont be the norm going forward.
Yes I did have a thread about going away with them as well. I do usually just grin and bear it but I think I was just feeling particularly naked when I started this thread.  She has a few strange ways but accept that she is his partner and so it is just how it is.  For instance, when we do go away for the weekend the men will go off to golf for hours and we will go to mooch round the shops somewhere. We look at a map of the area near where we are staying and I always let her choose which town or place she wants to visit. It may be a 15/20 mile trip and I can guarantee we will get there, park up and head to the shops  and within 30 mins she will say 'Right Ive had enough, we will go back now'. Last time I knocked that on the head by making a joke of it and saying I was driving 20 miles to go in the local Superdrug and come straight back. She must have taken the hint because she didnt mention coming back but she did however tell me at least ten times how tired/cold she was till I gave in and headed back to the car. Her other half will say 'Bloody tell her, I tell her when she starts with me'.  Thing is though, he may be happy to spend 3 days at home with her blanking him and stropping but it,s not my idea of a pleasant weekend away so I tend to put up and shut up.  Im not usually a walkover, I have always been able to stand up for myself if needed but for some reason this woman just drives me nuts. 

wannabe_a_saver

swingaloo2 said:

I think I was just feeling particularly naked when I started this thread. 

Sounds like you might have a few 'strange ways' too! 

Pollycat

swingaloo2 said:

Yes Pollycat she was aware why we got the tickets and knows it wont be the norm going forward.
Yes I did have a thread about going away with them as well. I do usually just grin and bear it but I think I was just feeling particularly naked when I started this thread.  She has a few strange ways but accept that she is his partner and so it is just how it is.  For instance, when we do go away for the weekend the men will go off to golf for hours and we will go to mooch round the shops somewhere. We look at a map of the area near where we are staying and I always let her choose which town or place she wants to visit. It may be a 15/20 mile trip and I can guarantee we will get there, park up and head to the shops  and within 30 mins she will say 'Right Ive had enough, we will go back now'. Last time I knocked that on the head by making a joke of it and saying I was driving 20 miles to go in the local Superdrug and come straight back. She must have taken the hint because she didnt mention coming back but she did however tell me at least ten times how tired/cold she was till I gave in and headed back to the car. Her other half will say 'Bloody tell her, I tell her when she starts with me'.  Thing is though, he may be happy to spend 3 days at home with her blanking him and stropping but it,s not my idea of a pleasant weekend away so I tend to put up and shut up.  Im not usually a walkover, I have always been able to stand up for myself if needed but for some reason this woman just drives me nuts. 

Maybe she's unhappy with her relationship in comparison with yours (in particular the difference in how you treat finances).

As the chap is a long-standing friend, I guess you just have to put up with her ways.

But I wouldn't let her dictate to you about shopping (I can imagine how boring and irritating shopping with someone like this is) when you go away for the weekend.

I'd say "we are going to wander round town and maybe stop for a coffee and if that doesn't suit, you can stay behind in the hotel".

You are enabling the continuation of her behaviour by letting her have her own way by 'giving in'.

She is acting like a child.

swingaloo2

wannabe_a_saver said:

swingaloo2 said:

I think I was just feeling particularly naked when I started this thread. 

Sounds like you might have a few 'strange ways' too! 

Ooooh er! What a difference an 'R' makes, lol. Oh well, the secret is out now!

Gloria_Steeth

HampshireH said:

I would absolutely not do this. Free cash to a rude person.

If she only got a ticket because she would have to go, the gift was for him.... The wife is just a necessary add on as harsh as that's sounds.

Why should the wife be given cash instead? 

^^^Because it's the refunded money from a ticket that had been gifted to her. I do fully understand that she only got the ticket because @swingaloo2 was doing the polite thing in including her, but nevertheless the ticket then belonged to her. If she (rude friend) had resold the ticket herself, she'd have kept the money, so this is similar (imo).

Anyway, this is all immaterial as it looks like she'll be gracing them with her presence at the concert after all - I had wrongly assumed she was angling for a refund as her partner's jacket costs exactly the same as her ticket!

[Deleted User]

swingaloo2 said:

Gloria_Steeth said:

@swingaloo2
Although your friend's bluntness was hurtful, it's probably better to know that she's not as 'over the moon' about this concert as you thought. It would spoil the event for the rest of you if she's sitting there with a miserable face muttering "not worth it" and you would resent having wasted £120 on her ticket.
 Annoying as it is, I would overlook her rudeness (yet again!) and confirm if she'd prefer you to get a refund for her ticket and give her the cash instead, which she could then use for her partner's birthday jacket (which, by amazing coincidence, costs exactly the same as the concert ticket...!!). In a roundabout way, he would then be getting the full amount of your kind gift to them (i.e. his concert ticket plus new jacket).

There is no mention of a refund being on the cards, the concert has been rescheduled and so will still be happening. Her hubby is really looking forward to going and wouldnt me to even try for a refund. 
As I said before she has strange way with her sometimes. For instance if the 4 of us are going out somewhere (obviously pre lockdown) you can guarantee that a day or so before she will start saying she isnt coming and its as if she wants to be talked into it. The same thing when we go away for a weekend which we do a couple of times a year, we will discuss it and choose where to go then just as we are about to book she will say that 'she doesnt think she can get that time off work' and we go through the ritual of waiting a couple of days till she tells us that she 'has managed it'.  Its got to the stage now where as soon as she says 'I wont be able to come' her other half just says 'Ok, dont come, we can still go without you' which causes a day or so of  her stropping. She seems to have a need to be talked round and then behaves as if she is doing us all a favour. 
They are  different to us in that we are very much a 'share' pair whilst they are a 'whats his is his' and 'whats hers is hers' and she pays him 'housekeeping money' from her wage as she came to live with him (although thats 12 years ago). Consequently I know she does not have a lot of spare cash which is probably why she wants to go halves at his birthday present as its a 50th birthday.
Im pretty used to her now but just sometimes I feel I need to bite my tongue.

I get that she’s tactless. I’m not sure I’d be offended by her comments over the tickets because a) I know she’s tactless, b) I didn’t buy them from her, c) if it weren’t for the partner I wouldn’t be friends with her. 

Your post above makes me wonder if she’s struggling financially. It might not be a case of simply being a drama llama but that she genuinely can’t afford to go away or out for dinner and is stressed about the cost.