Declutter Mind and Declutter home

TC77

@Siebrie hugs and energy  to be strong being  sent. 
Just caught up on the posts  and how inspiring and thought provoking. 
I've heard of the body keeps the score but not the the body says no- and will try tomread both.

The last 12 years have  taken a toll on my health with TMJ ( grind my teeth down so much) neuropathy and many more minor things.  I started the declutter journey with Mrs SD 18.months ago ( previously always taken stuff to CS and always self aware but trauma meant more coming in to the house)  and have  given myself  a couple more years but am now taking time to go for walks and have just accepted an invite to outdoor pub meet next week. I feel I should spent time sorting out my chaos  but know life is for living. I also know the link between mind and body and going  to see friends reminds me what the end is  so I can 'be' rather than 'doing ' as someone said  we're  hunan beings and not human doings! 

Self compassion can be so hard but is so helpful.  I'm part way through an online course ( must find time for it) . Sending positive thoughts and hope we can be kind to, and gentle with ourselves. X

PS. Actually saying I've given myself 2+ years as then DD will have left home makes me quite sad and I am going to speed up so that the living areas are much freer  for September when she starts 6th form. She wants her room revamped over the summer ( she never wanted anything changed since a toddler) . Thank you everyone for helping give me more insight. 

BarbCh

GOOD MORNING EVERYONE....

WOW...this thread is becoming incredible! 

There is so much insight, and aspects of things to make us really think about how we are where we are.

I can recognise so many things in what people are saying.... and I  know that it resonates with a lot of us here.

If we can improve our lives and heal from the help and support here, then it is more than worthwhile. 


I saw this picture and it really struck a chord with me! 

I have scars a few physical but a lot of mental scars.... from childhood up to the present day! 

And as I  look at one physical scar every single day... it reminds me that I  did survive ( major abdominal surgery... where i nearly lost my life) 
And we can survive the mental traumas too!

We all have a story of survival... and carry the scars.... but by sharing our insights with each other. We can not only help each other, but help to heal our pasts.... allowing the scars to fade.


Have a great day everyone 😀 

Wednesday2000

3secondmemory said:

Wednesday2000 said:

I've read When the Body Says No too.

I think it is true that trauma and stress causes physical symptoms. I think that was why I got fibromyalgia after caring for my husband. In my case it caused fatigue and physical pain. It's scary how much the mind and body are connected. I think as well that pain can disrupt your sleep and then you get more symptoms so it is a vicious cycle. I try to get as much sleep as I can now.

I am looking forward to getting rid of the growing mountain of stuff to the charity shops. I feel better as I am sticking to a cleaning schedule too and doing a few tasks daily rather than leaving it and then having to do a deep clean.

There is no doubt that prolonged stress, trauma, pain and fatigue can  cause neurological processing disorders - in childhood it can prevent the brain even forming properly hence the Brain scan results I’m waiting for at the moment. 

 my psychologist recommended ‘The Body Keeps score’  and that title is mentioned a lot in cPTSD groups. 

Oh yes, I have read that one too.

I have had EMDR therapy which did work.What is EMDR? – EMDR Institute – EYE MOVEMENT DESENSITIZATION AND REPROCESSING THERAPY

I had a flash EMDR session over Zoom last year (just one! ) with my psychologist and I haven't had a panic attack since then.

balabooberlies

You have all blown me away today.  I don't know what say.  In a good way.

(Barb I did the paper in water thing, it worked a treat).

bala

x

KxMx

When I move into a flat of my own I definitely want a simple life with not much stuff.
The list of things I do actually need is something I haven't been brave enough to tackle yet!

I've also learned it is okay to put things in the black bin if there isn't another viable alternative. 

TC77

Morning all, woke up early this morning and just been going round the house reviewing what needs doing.....and feeling overwhelmed as not sure where to start. My house is too big so tend to use different places to do the same thing - so desk in my bedroom to work if DD is around so have peace and she can be downstairs so have pa
I have papers in different rooms etc. Don't have much hanging space in my bedroom so many clothes in spare room etc. I don't have enough energy or physically fit enough to decorate a whole room myself - and know my random bit here and there isn't working at the moment. Think abit down as DD2 doesn't want me to paint the dining room or change blinds (v faded as south facing and been there 20 years) and we'd talked recently as she knows as one time I'd looked into whether she may have ASD as she doesn't like change, and her foods touching etc.
Have finally organised someone to put up the bathroom blind (had a month) and bathroom done before xmas) and realise how embarrassed I am about the state of the house. 
Again sorry for ramble but as I type it makes me think in the short term I just need to get things off the floor and surfaces and on to the half empty shelves and then it will look better - for DDs and I will feel I can have friends round when allowed. I can see the mess as a reason to isolate myself.

I am dealing with admin, - legal and insurance stuff, which is a big factor on my mind.

Hoping will be more motivated when bags for CS etc have gone out, DD finished her GCSEs, and DD1 has got through first year at uni and on her placement (23 and taken her years to be mentally and physically able to do this) - only about 7/8 weeks

Take care everyone.

BarbCh

@TC77 good morning.... I hope that you feel better having shared your dilemma with us. I think we all get overwhelmed with what we face and the bigger the house, the bigger the space to fill with clutter! 

I know what you mean about tackling one room etc... and doing bits here and there.... so what you need to do is....DO IT YOUR WAY! 

Do what you can comfortably manage...  not like me and over do it, ending up in hospital! 

I use a couple of motivational methods of my own (not from self help books tc)


I combine several ways... such as only do something for10 mins in each hour.

As I enter each room..... move 3 things (put away, throw away etc) 

Start with the room you spend most time in.....you need to be in a clean, cleared and cosy environment, so that you can feel relaxed....shut the doors on the rest.

For bigger jobs to tackle.... I  make lists, so I  can cross off what I've achieved!  I also have post it notes with one job per note..... they are stuck up inside a cupboard door and I can scan over them to see which job I feel that I can tackle at the time.... then the notes get taken down as I do the job.... I get satisfaction from seeing the notes reduce! 

It takes time and the results aren't obvious straightaway,   but you will have progress.

Do the rooms where you think will make the biggest difference to your mental wellbeing....the room that others nay see if they visit....

Most of all, you have to do it YOUR way.... all the advice in the world won't matter, if you don't get your own head around it! 

Remember..... EVERY thousand mile journey begins with ONE step

Take care, sending you love, positive vibes and healing thoughts 💚

balabooberlies

TC77, I echo barb with hugs and healing thoughts.  Truly.

My nephew (11 years) was diagnosed last year with ADHD.  Same as your daughter, food not touching etc.  But each person is different.

Except for the 'change' thing.  Perhaps you could get some paint samples and leave them in sight for a bit.  If she shows an interest ask what colour she would use for the room IF it was going to be painted.  Just an idea.

I like Barb's idea of just tackling one room.  Your sanctuary.......

bala

x

TC77

Hi BarbCh and Bala, thank you so much and you're both so wise, and while I do follow similar approach to you Barb its not systematically.

Bala, I hope your nephew is getting support and finding the diagnosis helpful. My daughter found the dyslexia diagnosis helpful.
I have some paint samples on the wall, however, you're right I need to engage with her more and differently (she mainly wants to be left alone to study or chat to friends). 

The school were asked to fill a form in re ASD and said no signs at all so services wouldn't do an assessment of my daughter, and the view that as she plays team sports competitively, and doing ok at school not an issue. I know these everything is a spectrum and we can score high on  different traits. I def have some ADD elements, and prob dyslexic.

Also remind myself that stress about my house is usually a distraction from other things going on - dropped a bowl this morning, a sign that the problems with my hands and legs may be getting worse, lost some strength in right hand so far , have asked about speech to text software for work which I think will help. And grinding my teeth more (have had to have them built up before as so severe) and eczema and other skin conditions all worse at the moment. Also have to complain about firm who didn't deal with our rat problems - over a year of them living in the walls, so now fingers crossed gone, although everytime i hear a noise I have to check if its the cats scratching, the fridge or rats back!

Will do the 3 things away everytime I change room, and also 5- 15 minutes doing gentle stretching or mindfulness, meditation a day as I know this helps.

In the scheme of things I have so much to be grateful for. I have accepted invite to go for a outdoor pub meet with friends next Friday and really want to stick to it as they  people who have become friends in last 5 years (quite new for me) moving from acquaintances   but feel guilty doing things for me, self conscious about skin conditions and any other excuses as become comfortable being at home. 

BarbCh

Awe @TC77 you will get there! 

I think your skin conditions are made worse by stress and then worry about it makes it worse! 

Life can be a vicious circle at times and it reminds me of being on the merry go round in the park as s child... I wanted to get off it but my friends kept it going! 

And when it slowed down enough to put one foot on the floor to stop it further, you could feel more in control and jump off without getting hurt! 

A bit of a thought provoking analogy there! 

Today, I feel dreadful.... bad sleep and have to go out soon to the dentist.... nothing major.... but I can't take my painkiller meds, as they make me drowsy... so couldn't drive! 

So my pains are getting worse... basic paracetamol not effective without stronger stuff.... so pain will get worse until I can take the stronger ones when I get home..... that will be me wiped out for the day! 

My lounge is clean and tidy... so got my sanctuary to relax in and watch some TV 

Kitchen ok.... but I'm in too much pain to mop floor etc.

I keep the bathroom clean and tidy.... 

As for the bedrooms... well they are building up the clutter that I clear from downstairs.... but by the time I  get it upstairs, I'm too wiped out to put it  away!  

So I will have to take my own advice later today and just do 3 things as I enter a room.... the trouble with the kitchen is that I do one of those 3 things repeatedly.... put the kettle on and settle down with a coffee!! Lol!