Childless Life

Js_Other_Half

<hugs> ScotTot

I can only imagine how you are feeling at the moment. Give it some time and then consider your options.
We took some money out of the equity in the house for IVF, the result of which is celebrating his first birthday today.
(We couldn't wait 3 years for funded as it would have left me being 39).
Is this an option in the future? Or could one of your relatives give you a helping hand from a future inheritance. Most parents want to be grandparents, so might want to help you financially to manage it.

I hope you have a peaceful Christmas and New Year. Best wishes for 2008.

Petal_3

I'm going to start another thread "For Scottot"

~x~

catkins

RoxieW wrote: »

Hi whyohwhy
I would say to you that you get one life - one chance at the happy life you deserve. You want children, that is clear or you wouldn't be posting on here. He needs to know how much.

Dont have a child and you'll live a life of regret, what ifs and looking at toddlers and children with longing. Have a child and, even without husband, you're unlikely to ever regret that decision. Not many people do!!

You can have a perfectly happy life without children. How do you know she will live a life of regret? If her husband does not agree to a child and they split up she may never meet anyone else to have children (sorry to be so negative but it is true) or she may have a child with someone she does not love nearly as much.

I think a lot of people do regret having children but don't very often admit it.

PasturesNew

I think it's unfair on the bloke, who hasn't changed his mind.

The OP married him knowing he didn't want kids. So she chose. Chose him over a child. Or did she hope to grind him down/nag him into it?

So now a nice guy might get dumped because somebody had a hidden agenda ... or doesn't love him as much as they made out

Although in the orignal posting she said divorce is not an option. I hope she means it. Love is more important than kids.

consultant31

DKLS wrote: »

I even had the snip so there wasn't any nasty surprises to ruin our lives.
Using a ROI I dont see the value of kids.

It's a good job your parents didn't feel like this isn't it?

Another poster stated "love is more important than kids" which I find strange. People divorce their partners, how many even contemplate 'divorcing' their children (well, until they're in their teens anyway :rolleyes: ).

I feel very sorry for the situation the OP is in, it's hard to see how there will ever be a completely happy outcome

bargain888

Firstly I am really really sorry if this has been covered before but my brain is not where it should be and can't find any previous questions. Sorry!!

I have been married for 6 years and with hubbie for many extra years. He does not want children. After many conversations I finally realised that he definitely did not want children and have kind of accepted this. However, there are occassions when I just break down and think 'I am never going to have children'. How the heck do I 100% convince myself that it is never going to happen and to move on.

Divorce is not a possibility as, despite his many faults, he is one of the nicest guys you could ever meet!

OK this is my own personal but it is down to you to decide what you think it right.

Your husband may seem to be the nicest and the most caring person in this world, BUT people do change. Maybe for the better or for the worst. How do you know that maybe in 10 or 15 years time that he will be the same person that he is now. How do you know that he will still be around. Know one will know. What I do know is that by that time, you will be 10 or 15 years older and if you have wanted a child, you would have left it too late. At least I know that my son or daughter will be around me for the rest of my life and me for them, because a mother/son.daughter's love is stronger than anything. Of course, I don't mean that everything single sons and daughter will love you the same or be there for you long term, but the majority do. Husband do come and go, but sons and daughter will forever be yours and will be there to support in later life and bring you happiness.

ailuro2

There's definitely no guarantee that kids will stick around to support you later in life either- you have to earn that.;)

catkins

bargain888 wrote: »

OK this is my own personal but it is down to you to decide what you think it right.

Your husband may seem to be the nicest and the most caring person in this world, BUT people do change. Maybe for the better or for the worst. How do you know that maybe in 10 or 15 years time that he will be the same person that he is now. How do you know that he will still be around. Know one will know. What I do know is that by that time, you will be 10 or 15 years older and if you have wanted a child, you would have left it too late. At least I know that my son or daughter will be around me for the rest of my life and me for them, because a mother/son.daughter's love is stronger than anything. Of course, I don't mean that everything single sons and daughter will love you the same or be there for you long term, but the majority do. Husband do come and go, but sons and daughter will forever be yours and will be there to support in later life and bring you happiness.

You should never have children to be there when you get old. They could die before you, emigrate or just fall out with you. I know several people (OH included) who rarely if ever see their parents.

A few years ago there was some sort of survey done of residents in old peoples homes and it found that some of the loneliest were those with children - the children not visiting at all or not very often. Most of the childless ones seemed to have more friends or relatives visit.

DKLS

consultant31 wrote: »

It's a good job your parents didn't feel like this isn't it?

Another poster stated "love is more important than kids" which I find strange. People divorce their partners, how many even contemplate 'divorcing' their children (well, until they're in their teens anyway :rolleyes: )./quote]


I love a good comment like your first, I am used to it :rolleyes:

Believe it or not and I think this is where some parents struggle to understand, being child free does not have to lead to an unfulfilled life full of regret and guilt.

I am perfectly happy being child free, as I have the time, money and freedom to do what I want, the only benefit I can see is being looked after in old age, but then again, as other posters have stated the first sign that you are putting the electrical kettle on a gas hob and dribbling, you will be carted off to a home quicksharp, followed by regular visits due to guilt which quickly tail off to mothers day, birthday and xmas.

Ahh the joy kids, great for some and I wouldnt knock anyone for having them, but not for me.

seven-day-weekend

I know several couples who have not had children through choice.

The one couple in particular I know discussed it before they married. The guy would have liked children, the woman knew she would not, ever, although she likes children and is good with them.

He had to accept that if he married her, they would never have children.

They are both in their forties now, she has never changed her mind (given her reasons, I don't think anyone thought she ever would).

I agree with another poster who said that if you love this man and want to stay with him, then counselling to grieve for the children you will never have can be a great help. It's not something you can compromise on. Put your energies into soomething else. Maybe foster, look after neices and nephews, or volunteer for a children's charity, or get a job working with children.

And, you never know, one day he may change his mind, but I would live your life assuming he isn't going to. My friend never did.

Hope this helps.