Childless Life

the_other_mce

PasturesNew wrote: »

I've never wanted them. Not got a maternal bone in my body.
And the whole thing of squeezing a melon out of something the size of a peach is something I couldn't possibly contemplate!

Good point - but I had mine by C-section!! Sort of missed out on the 'push and panic' bit!!!

sooz

HugoSP wrote: »

As my wife fell pregnant, the exitement grew, but I definitely did not want to be there for the birth - to me that was going to be worst than the nappies. Some 12 months later she went into labour,.

Ok...so we now know you are not human. What species are you then, that has a 12 month gestation?

vixarooni

sooz you made me laugh!

I know not alot, but as a woman i do know that you only live once, and i think in 30 years time when your sitting in a chair staring out of a window you will feel this massive regret and anger that you never did what YOU wanted to do. I respect your husband doesnt want children, and perhaps you should have fully addressed this before you said I do.

This is going to sound niave and immature, but i cant comprehend loving and caring for someone to the ultimate degree, but then denying them of that one thing they want most. Its a bit of a oxymoron.

sooz

sooz wrote: »

Ok...so we now know you are not human. What species are you then, that has a 12 month gestation?

aha...after a quick google, I can confirm that your wife is a tiger shark, and you had 10-82 pups :T Well done!

HugoSP

sooz wrote: »

aha...after a quick google, I can confirm that your wife is a tiger shark, and you had 10-82 pups :T Well done!

BRILLIANT!

The baby was born after 9 months from the event, so I assume. IIRC it was around 12 months after we first agreed on one.

But I'm sitting here having a good laugh at what you wrote - well done.

pboae

My OH and I don't want children, we discussed that before we married. I think he would probably give in and have them if I really really wanted them, but I wouldn't do it for him. I just absolutely do not want kids, ever.

vixarooni wrote: »

This is going to sound niave and immature, but i cant comprehend loving and caring for someone to the ultimate degree, but then denying them of that one thing they want most. Its a bit of a oxymoron.

If it were anything else, I would probably agree with that, but I really believe that a child's needs should always come first, and I could not contemplate deliberately creating a child that was not actively wanted by it's parents.

I would go through the process of pregnancy and birth for him (even though the idea of it disgusts me) if it meant that much to him but what then? It's not like I can just say "there's your child, you raise it, I don't want anything to do with it".

I'd much rather find myself regretting not having kids when I'm older, than regretting having them.

ceridwen

Sorry to hear about your situation... all I can say is to reiterate what others have said, ie:

- see if you can find another outlet for your nurturing instinct

- leave him if having children is that important to you

- PLEASE PLEASE whatever you do - dont "accidentally fall" pregnant. I think most men would realise it wasnt an accident at all - and even if somehow an accident occurred, that doesnt mean the status quo ante cant be restored pretty quickly (afraid I'm not good at finding other words for abortion - sorry!) - and, somewhere along the line, he might leave because the trust had been broken.

(I know - if only we could choose who we fall in love with in the first place)

Queenieviolet

I think feelings about having children are fundamental to what makes you the person you are. I think not doing anything about these feelings is like asking a gay person to spend a life being straight - it's denying a part of yourself. You might be able to do this but will you ever really be happy? I adore my husband but if he didn't want children then I think I would have to leave, having children has always been part of me and I could never deny my feelings on something so important. Hope things work out for you x

shelley_crow

I'd never held a baby before i had my son, i wasn't interested in having kids. two and a half years later and he's all i ever think about. He's been the single most important thing in my life and the only reason for me to focus myself and sort my life out. I'd second the other poster's suggestion for counselling, maybe couples counselling? I have heard relate are good. I hope you sort things out x

CGG

OP I think it's possiible that one day you will despise your OH for not 'allowing' you to have a child.
After being married for 6 years, I had my only child at 36. My husband did not help me at all with our son, who is now 7, when he was born. I found it extremely stressful, but wouldn't ever have wished I'd never had him.
I'm now 43. Too old to have another child, (in my opinion at least). I resent that the chance to have another child has now passed me by.