Possible dispute over jointly inherited house

Savvy_Sue

If the death notice in the local paper gives the date of death, you don't need to contact anyone: you'll be able to order a death certificate yourself. Take a look at https://www.gov.uk/research-family-history - ignore the reference to family history. 

If you're struggling, come back and ask again. 

DepositSaver

Thank you so much! He lived in England, and we have his full name and date of death and age so we should have enough info.

p00hsticks

Grumpelstiltskin said:

The dead executer. Did he live in England or Wales ?
Copy death certificates can be bought online.
General Register Office (GRO) - Official information on births, marriages, civil partnerships and deaths
So as long as you have enough information you can get a copy.

If the death was recent (I think in the last six months) the GRO won't have the details available yet - instead you need to go to the registrar in the district where the death was originally registered and they'll send you a copy (cost £11)

valueman1

I honestly feel you should engage a solicitor and get the house sold.  This is the only way the estate can be split equally.  If your father had wanted your brother to have the house he would have stated this in his Will, but he did not.  Your brother will just have to find a smaller place to live in and accept that your father didn’t specifically want him to remain in the house. Your brother needs to accept the situation. 

DepositSaver

valueman1 said:

I honestly feel you should engage a solicitor and get the house sold.  This is the only way the estate can be split equally.  If your father had wanted your brother to have the house he would have stated this in his Will, but he did not.  Your brother will just have to find a smaller place to live in and accept that your father didn’t specifically want him to remain in the house. Your brother needs to accept the situation. 

We do have a solicitor, but it really isn't as simple as sell the house and my brother will just have to find a smaller place to live. The will was written 25 years ago, when my brother was 18 and doing a college course. I don't imagine that my dad thought for one minute that my brother would still be living with him 25 year later- it would have been written assuming that when my dad died we would both be living independently. Yes, he could have changed it, but I suspect it didn't occur to him that he needed to - I suspect either he assumed we'd just co-own the house (which was what my brother assumed) or he thought the house was worth more than it is and so my brother would be able to buy somewhere else.  
The house is not large and not worth much. Half the estate is probably worth between £65,000 and £70,000 - he will struggle to find something in a decent state of repair and in an ok location in that price range, and have enough money for the costs associated with moving, and have a bit of money left for emergencies.  

DepositSaver

Fire_Fox said:

Weighing in from the perspective of 'homeowner on state benefits, with chronic health issues and a healthcare background' AKA Captain Hindsight/ Captain Obvious. You sound like a great sibling; please understand that I mean to be of help *not* taking sides, not hinting at, nor implying anything. I hope *you* have the support you need in these challenging times and sad circumstances.

Poorly maintained homes or contents go downhill within a year or three, become a millstone and become overwhelming. The favoured option to support those on low incomes is equity release, or a grant where there is little equity. *One off* system and what needs doing is determined by the council. It isn't how you would maintain and renovate your own home *at all*. Point being, being ultra generous now likely isn't the solution (which you know, I think).

Be aware that, for many purposes, a mental health diagnosis will denote your brother as 'vulnerable'. That could be determined by an organisation (eg. solicitor, council) or the person themselves or their representative/ support bubble/ person involved in their care. That can be to the advantage or the detriment of you all depending when it is flagged up.

Also be aware that, for some of the more common mental health conditions (eg. depressive/ anxiety/ sleep disorders), this isn't a great time of year (length of days, vitamin D) and feeling out of control is a trigger. Some of the behaviours you mention is look-in-the-mirror familiar, other behaviours I have been around frequently.

Continue to be agreeable and non-committal, ask your sibling for suggestions as to the way forwards rather than coming up with plans and proposals yourself. I agree bounce onto the executor or solicitor wherever possible.

🙏 I know a lot of stuff about a lot of stuff health-wise, if I can help please ask. 🙏

Thank you for this. I have tried asking him for suggestions as to how he would resolve things and he hasn't come up with anything so far. He just says he wants to stay in the house and he can't think of any other solution. 

xylophone

The solicitor is now the executor of the estate?
You  have clearly stated

I have my own home and don't want to live in my dad's house, and also don't want to own half a house as I don't want to be responsible for upkeep and maintenance of a second home from which I get no benefit.

You have also stated that the house is not in good repair.

Under the circumstances it seems fairest for you to have the car and half the cash in the accounts and to agree that on sale of  father's property, you will lend your brother your half of the proceeds against a  first charge on a new property to be held in his sole name?

You  and he might start looking for something suitable?

barbiedoll

OP,  you sound very kind and caring, and you're obviously concerned about your sibling, but your father, and now you, have spent far too long enabling your lazy, manipulative brother. He doesn't sound as though he is "vunerable", he's just had it good for so long and he's not happy now that he might have to get off his butt and actually fend for himself. Why hasn't he done any maintenance on your father's house over the years? I know he was working, but millions of people work full-time and still manage to paint, decorate and repair their homes. If you give him the house, he'll still be calling you every time there is a problem, you'll always have the responsibility, without any of the reward that your father would have wanted for you.

If the house is sold, and everything is split equally, then he will have plenty of cash to rent somewhere. If he's not working, the benefits system will kick in when the money runs out, he won't be left homeless. He's in his 40's so there's no reason why he can't find another job at some point, there are always low-skilled positions available even at his age.

You have been very patient with him but there's no reason why you should have to spend the rest of your life propping him up. He needs to get off his backside and take charge of his life, I know he's grieving, but no so much that he hadn't still got his eye on the main chance. I think he's got a real cheek, expecting you to give him the whole house. It's not like he's put any effort into maintaining the place.

I know that the executor situation has made things worse, but I guess that he's not offering to help with any of this? I've been following your thread since the start and I really feel for you, your brother is very lucky that you're not as feckless as him.

DepositSaver

barbiedoll said:

OP,  you sound very kind and caring, and you're obviously concerned about your sibling, but your father, and now you, have spent far too long enabling your lazy, manipulative brother. He doesn't sound as though he is "vunerable", he's just had it good for so long and he's not happy now that he might have to get off his butt and actually fend for himself. Why hasn't he done any maintenance on your father's house over the years? I know he was working, but millions of people work full-time and still manage to paint, decorate and repair their homes. If you give him the house, he'll still be calling you every time there is a problem, you'll always have the responsibility, without any of the reward that your father would have wanted for you.

If the house is sold, and everything is split equally, then he will have plenty of cash to rent somewhere. If he's not working, the benefits system will kick in when the money runs out, he won't be left homeless. He's in his 40's so there's no reason why he can't find another job at some point, there are always low-skilled positions available even at his age.

You have been very patient with him but there's no reason why you should have to spend the rest of your life propping him up. He needs to get off his backside and take charge of his life, I know he's grieving, but no so much that he hadn't still got his eye on the main chance. I think he's got a real cheek, expecting you to give him the whole house. It's not like he's put any effort into maintaining the place.

I know that the executor situation has made things worse, but I guess that he's not offering to help with any of this? I've been following your thread since the start and I really feel for you, your brother is very lucky that you're not as feckless as him.

To be fair, it isn't just my brother who hasn't done any painting or decorating, or got broken cupboards fixed or torn carpets and kitchen flooring replaced etc, my dad didn't do any of that over the years either. He did get the the boiler replaced and a new conservatory put up when the old one was on the verge of falling down. 
I don't think he expects me to give him the whole house, he'd be happy for us to own half each, he just hasn't thought through that owning half a house doesn't give me any benefit. 
I do agree he needs to take charge of his life, but I don't think I can keep suggesting solutions and options (such as sell the house and he has enough money to rent somewhere) as he won't listen and gets angry. My dad only enabled him because he felt he had no choice - asking my brother to help out with things just wasn't worth the argument it would cause. 
When you say "I guess he's not offering to help with any of this" do you mean the executor or my brother? I assume my brother? He is sorting out getting the death certificate of the deceased executor, and he did things such as let the bank and utilities know about my dad dying. 

Flugelhorn

Good to hear that he is involved - it sounds like he has developed behaviour over the years that meant that people tended to go for the "anything for a quiet life" option. Really hard for you now and hard for him to change quickly and step up to the mark and do the difficult things in life.  Hope all goes well.