The Best Is Yet To Come

Poppycat1

I have just read your diary.  14 years ago I was in a similar situation you was in.  My XH had left me for someone he was having an affair with.  We had a 4 year old and I was 7 months pregnant.  

Every time we had a disagreement he would threaten to remove his name from the mortgage, which would leave me and his children homeless.  It took me several years to realise he wouldn't/couldn't do this.

When the children got older and didn't need me at home after school I got a permanent job. Because of his job he was never able to have the children regularly enough for me to work.  Just over three years ago I moved in to my dream bungalow with a large garden in a nicer part of the city.  At the same time removing his name from the mortgage.  It felt so good.  Still £85,000 mortgage to pay off though.

The hurt/anger does ease after time.  People told me it would but I didn't believe them.

We had three bedrooms in our old place and moved to two bedrooms.  I to took the smallest room.  I felt really guilty about the boys not having there own room each.  But two years later DS1 moved in to uni accommodation and doesn't appear to have any plans on moving back permanently.

You are doing really well.  You seem so clear on what you want so it will happen for you.

slm6002

Thank you Poppycat, I am really happy to hear your story has a happy ending.  It's good to hear it will get easier with time.  I have gone through several emotions so far but anger and hate are hanging around for a while as yet i feel.  I'm trying not to bore everyone with it as i have spoken a lot about him.  Sleep is hard sometimes and the nightmares are horrid but i am slowly getting there.  I certainly have a picture in my mind of what i would like, its just getting there.  It might take a while, but hopefully i will get there.

Cashed out the £20 survey payment and swapped for the gift voucher ready for xmas / birthday season.  Payday on friday so some more can go in the emergency pot hopefully.

slm6002

Well i had my interview this morning, and although it went well I knew coming out that i wasn't likely to get it.  They didn't really want to know much about me and asked questions that i had answered in my application.  I had a call to confirm they had chosen someone with more experience.  Its fine as i still have a job unlike many who are applying.  I will keep looking for those extra 7 hours my work coach is so desperate for me to have. 
Still no news from the mortgage lady.  I am seriously considering the house i have seen online in the town with the converted garage as the 4th bedroom.  Even if i had to get a mortgage for £20k (do they do mortgages for small amounts?) the payments would be fairly low and i could overpay and get rid of it quite quickly.  It would mean i could save for new cars / holidays etc / pay into private pensions as i would have little / no mortgage payments going out so plenty to save, plus if anything happened re job or benefits it wouldn't matter too much

Poppycat1

MSE have I mortgage comparison that I find really useful.  You could put £20,000 and see if any company are offering that amount.  https://www.moneysavingexpert.com/mortgages/best-buys/

The nightmares get less frequent and less emotional over time.  I really feel for you.  If you need someone to have a good moan please feel to DM me.  Happy to listen (read). x

slm6002

Thank you Poppycat that is very kind.  I am ok at the moment, but that might be because we haven't had to think about him for almost 2 weeks (kids will see him this sunday for a few hours) and my mind has been occupied on other things.  At that point i may have to think about him, but trying to keep him out of my thoughts.  I did get confirmation that he has been removed from one of my credit reports after i contacted them.  1 down 2 to go .   I have had a quick look on the mortgage calculator as well as a quick look on my bank (who last year said they would lend me up to £45k).  My bank wont lend less than £25k.

Humdinger1

@slm6002 if you did borrow 25k, maybe the extra 5k could be an emergency fund or overpayment?  Hang on in there, you are doing brilliantly love Humdinger x 

Kitten868

Hello, 
I don't think you can get a mortgage for less than £25k with anyone as far as I'm aware. Could you look at applying for a personal loan? Or could your uncle lend you the extra bit? If it is just £20k? Not that that's a small amount of money but in the scheme of things. 
In terms of the next house don't compromise on things that are important to you. Make yourself a list of non negotiables for your new home. Anything that's important to you. For me I really want bay windows. 
Sorry about the job interview. Really pants. I hope something better suited is round the corner xxx

slm6002

Thank you everyone for the advise.  My wants / needs list is....
4 bedrooms, downstairs toilet & upstairs bedroom, room for dishwasher, washing machine and tumble dryer, off road parking for 2 or more cars, village location, enclosed garden. To be mortgage free very soon.
My would like on top of this list are....... separate utility room, en-suite, living room that doesn't act as a corridor to another room, detached, Garage or decent shed
It has everything i want apart from the ideal location plus a few things on my would like list, but i guess i need to decide if paying possibly £100k is worth the location and possibly some of the extra bits, or if something like this house and possibly very little or even maybe no extra money needed is the better way to go for now.  The house is on the road of my very best friend and we would both benefit with being closer to each other when needing to help each other out.
My other hurdle is i still need to sell this one lol

slm6002

I rang the agent first thing this morning to book a viewing - its sold.  I guess others also saw what a good deal it was.  If nothing else it has opened my eyes to looking at other possibilities.
Cleaning house today and getting washing on the line, but not much else. DD2 had a trip to the opticians to try to find a pair of glasses that were suitable, but that's all that was booked in today.  Need to send off the paperwork for the other 2 credit report companies to get that sorted.

FtbDreaming

I think house buying is difficult at the minute. When my nan was house hunting September it was difficult to get viewings. Most things were selling in a day or 2. 

I hope the broker gets back to you soon so you have a better idea of what your options are. Mortgage free would fabulous though! Xx