How to Fix Marriage

Aranyani

zagfles said:

burlingtonfl6 said:

ontheroad1970 said:

burlingtonfl6 said:

Your wife wants you to do more even though you sound like you're doing everything you can.
My prediction.....she will think she can do better, want a divorce, go back out on the dating scene and realise she's not quite the catch she was in her 20's.

Your wife must be so proud to have such a reasonable and equality interested husband.

Smart men don't get married

No, smart men marry smart women, not ones who are think "equality" means sharing the housework even if one does 60 hours more money earning work than the other

Does it not matter how many hours the other works that they don't earn money for?

zagfles

Aranyani said:

zagfles said:

burlingtonfl6 said:

ontheroad1970 said:

burlingtonfl6 said:

Your wife wants you to do more even though you sound like you're doing everything you can.
My prediction.....she will think she can do better, want a divorce, go back out on the dating scene and realise she's not quite the catch she was in her 20's.

Your wife must be so proud to have such a reasonable and equality interested husband.

Smart men don't get married

No, smart men marry smart women, not ones who are think "equality" means sharing the housework even if one does 60 hours more money earning work than the other

Does it not matter how many hours the other works that they don't earn money for?

Indeed. The total work should be the same. For instance, if like in this example, one does 60 hours more money earning work, then the other should do 60 hours more housework/childcare. It's not rocket science, yet many seem to have difficulty with simple adding up of total work time (paid and unpaid).

Obviously it should be questioned why the OP working 60 hours a week. As it has been.

elsien

People can choose to opt out of the working time directive. I would never work a 60 hour week but in some jobs that is the norm for people who want to get ahead, as is putting time in on evenings and weekends. All part of the balance OP and  his wife need to decide about. 

zagfles

elsien said:

People can choose to opt out of the working time directive. I would never work a 60 hour week but in some jobs that is the norm for people who want to get ahead, as is putting time in on evenings and weekends. All part of the balance OP and  his wife need to decide about. 

No decent employer would expect a 60 hour week. People who work those sorts of hours are either being taken advantage of or they're not really up to the job so they take a long time to get it done. Those who get ahead aren't generally those who work long hours, it's those who "work smarter" rather than "work harder", as the old cliche goes.

Aranyani

zagfles said:

Aranyani said:

zagfles said:

burlingtonfl6 said:

ontheroad1970 said:

burlingtonfl6 said:

Your wife wants you to do more even though you sound like you're doing everything you can.
My prediction.....she will think she can do better, want a divorce, go back out on the dating scene and realise she's not quite the catch she was in her 20's.

Your wife must be so proud to have such a reasonable and equality interested husband.

Smart men don't get married

No, smart men marry smart women, not ones who are think "equality" means sharing the housework even if one does 60 hours more money earning work than the other

Does it not matter how many hours the other works that they don't earn money for?

Indeed. The total work should be the same. For instance, if like in this example, one does 60 hours more money earning work, then the other should do 60 hours more housework/childcare. It's not rocket science, yet many seem to have difficulty with simple adding up of total work time (paid and unpaid).

Obviously it should be questioned why the OP working 60 hours a week. As it has been.

With a toddler and a baby and a husband working far too many hours and as a result not doing much for the kids or the house I strongly suspect she works a hell of a lot more than 60 hours a week.  

Aranyani

zagfles said:

elsien said:

People can choose to opt out of the working time directive. I would never work a 60 hour week but in some jobs that is the norm for people who want to get ahead, as is putting time in on evenings and weekends. All part of the balance OP and  his wife need to decide about. 

No decent employer would expect a 60 hour week. People who work those sorts of hours are either being taken advantage of or they're not really up to the job so they take a long time to get it done. Those who get ahead aren't generally those who work long hours, it's those who "work smarter" rather than "work harder", as the old cliche goes.

Some employers do have a toxic culture of excessive hours and viewing those who want a normal working week and some work-life balance as less committed, or lazy.  These are not the employers that somebody with two very young children should be working for though. 

zagfles

Aranyani said:

zagfles said:

Aranyani said:

zagfles said:

burlingtonfl6 said:

ontheroad1970 said:

burlingtonfl6 said:

Your wife wants you to do more even though you sound like you're doing everything you can.
My prediction.....she will think she can do better, want a divorce, go back out on the dating scene and realise she's not quite the catch she was in her 20's.

Your wife must be so proud to have such a reasonable and equality interested husband.

Smart men don't get married

No, smart men marry smart women, not ones who are think "equality" means sharing the housework even if one does 60 hours more money earning work than the other

Does it not matter how many hours the other works that they don't earn money for?

Indeed. The total work should be the same. For instance, if like in this example, one does 60 hours more money earning work, then the other should do 60 hours more housework/childcare. It's not rocket science, yet many seem to have difficulty with simple adding up of total work time (paid and unpaid).

Obviously it should be questioned why the OP working 60 hours a week. As it has been.

With a toddler and a baby and a husband working far too many hours and as a result not doing much for the kids or the house I strongly suspect she works a hell of a lot more than 60 hours a week.  

Which is why the OP is doing some housework/childcare. Maybe he does 20 and wife does 80, so that's balanced. Or maybe she does 170 and he does 5, then it's not (getting the strawman in first).

But the basic problem is his working hours are ridiculous, that needs sorting first rather the usual moralising about how the housework/childcare is shared.

zagfles

Aranyani said:

zagfles said:

elsien said:

People can choose to opt out of the working time directive. I would never work a 60 hour week but in some jobs that is the norm for people who want to get ahead, as is putting time in on evenings and weekends. All part of the balance OP and  his wife need to decide about. 

No decent employer would expect a 60 hour week. People who work those sorts of hours are either being taken advantage of or they're not really up to the job so they take a long time to get it done. Those who get ahead aren't generally those who work long hours, it's those who "work smarter" rather than "work harder", as the old cliche goes.

Some employers do have a toxic culture of excessive hours and viewing those who want a normal working week and some work-life balance as less committed, or lazy.  These are not the employers that somebody with two very young children should be working for though. 

They're not employers anyone should be working for.

strawb_shortcake

Lots of security guards do 5x12 hour shifts, often minimum wage and often people that would struggle to pick up other work easily or see the same income on on a third less hours

gettingtheresometime

I don't think this is about the amount of housework the OP does or doesn't do - I think it's more that this year isn't the year the OP's wife envisaged how she would spend her maternity leave. I think had this been a normal year, it wouldn't have been such a problem about the OP working 60 hrs (which is totally bonkers imo, young children or no young children) as she would have been going out and spending time with other people. The way that they spent their weekends wouldn't have been such an issue.