Really confused about what I want :(

Nebulous2

I don't often comment on this section of the forum, read through the whole thread, then realised Doozergirl had said pretty much what I wanted to say.

My sister moved and gave up her job when her partner relocated, despite earning more than him at the time. I asked her how on earth she made a decision like that and she said, you need to remember every decision you ever make is a compromise. You need to write a balance sheet, list the pluses, list the minuses and decide if you can live with the outcome. 

I looked at new houses many years ago. A three bed semi with garage was comfortably within reach. Then you look at the showhomes. The 4 beds have a bigger living room, could I stretch to that? A study would be great and it's only x thousand more. We have bikes and tools, a double garage would be better. Suddenly your mind has you £50k above where you started and you realise its totally out of reach and have to strip stuff out.

Where do you live now?  Looking at a house compare it with your current circumstances. Will the new house cost less? Does it have more room? Is it closer to where you socialise? Is it in a better area? Where are your bikes now? If a new house offers a substantial improvement in the things you want, why wouldn't you?

I think your issues are psychological ones of some sort rather than about the house. Brains are clever things.  Making none of the houses work for you stops you having to do something you are frightened of or worried about.

You're also at risk of !!!!!! off estate agents. You wont get to the desirable houses first, as they will have you down as a time-waster and will only go through the motions with you, rather than treating you seriously.

Doozergirl

Nebulous2 said:

I don't often comment on this section of the forum, read through the whole thread, then realised Doozergirl had said pretty much what I wanted to say.

My sister moved and gave up her job when her partner relocated, despite earning more than him at the time. I asked her how on earth she made a decision like that and she said, you need to remember every decision you ever make is a compromise. You need to write a balance sheet, list the pluses, list the minuses and decide if you can live with the outcome. 

I looked at new houses many years ago. A three bed semi with garage was comfortably within reach. Then you look at the showhomes. The 4 beds have a bigger living room, could I stretch to that? A study would be great and it's only x thousand more. We have bikes and tools, a double garage would be better. Suddenly your mind has you £50k above where you started and you realise its totally out of reach and have to strip stuff out.

Where do you live now?  Looking at a house compare it with your current circumstances. Will the new house cost less? Does it have more room? Is it closer to where you socialise? Is it in a better area? Where are your bikes now? If a new house offers a substantial improvement in the things you want, why wouldn't you?

I think your issues are psychological ones of some sort rather than about the house. Brains are clever things.  Making none of the houses work for you stops you having to do something you are frightened of or worried about.

You're also at risk of !!!!!! off estate agents. You wont get to the desirable houses first, as they will have you down as a time-waster and will only go through the motions with you, rather than treating you seriously.

All of this!  It's where I was heading with the 'where do you live now' question too. If the current place is a rental that ticks all the boxes, stay there.  If it isn't, what is the problem with having something better than the status quo?  

I agree that the problem is most likely to be a psychological one and a case of self-sabotage.    

I, bizarrely, had a conversation with my son's friend last night who is delighted with his upcoming purchase of a 3 bed house with a garage in DY5 for £175k for him and his new family!!    We're looking at family sized homes here.  If a single person with a few hobbies can't fit into the space that most families do, then there's an underlying issue that has zero to do with the houses. 

The one small thing that leads to a breakthrough, OP, is probably a therapist.  I do get it.   I'm chief procrastinator.  I do wonder what I'd get done without my husband driving me forward.  😌

Doozergirl

JGB1955 said:

I can see why you would prefer a detached house - have you considered a new build?  There seem to be quite a few in DY4. 

I haven't looked, but perhaps the HTB options would help find a bigger house. 

I have a vague recollection though that the budget isn't necessarily a mortgage affordability on paper issue but a choice, to a degree? 

bouicca21

What Nebulous2 said.  The real problem is that OP is terrified of moving out of his comfort zone.  

Chandler85

Just get a taxi to the pub.  You can't this house, whether it exists or not is a different issue.

You have spent probably 6k+ on rent in the last year and made no progress.

If £5 taxi rides to the pub (so £10 per week) stop you buying a house, then you'll never buy one.  You would have spent £520 on taxi rides in a year.

2 miles walk on a summer afternoon to meet your mates at the pub would take you 30 minutes or so, it might actually be quite enjoyable.

DCFC79

danlightbulb said:

Hi all,
I've been here a few times going back and forth. Finding that needle in a haystack house for my budget, and even then it not being quite right.
I'm really struggling with what to compromise on and there are good reasons for every factor.

In summary:

• I'm looking to buy in a house very close to my existing location. I live alone, and my family and friends are all in quite a small area (DY4 +1 mile), and I have a desire to be close to them.
• I drive, and like to work on my own car from time to time, so a driveway, ideally a flat one, is a very high priority.
• I have bicycles, and a few tools etc to go with them, so a secure garage or relatively substantial outbuilding is a very high priority.
• I play the piano, and so a house with enough space to put this is a very high priority. It's also not very fair on the neighbours if I put it against a party wall, which requires a certain layout of house if I go for a semi (ideally one where the main living areas are on the opposite sides of the house, rather than having the living rooms adjoining which most houses are). I generally can't afford detached, there have been one or two come up but they had issues.
• Because I live alone, I'd like to be somewhere I can get out to socialise eg a local nice pub I can make friends with. Ive seen a couple of houses which fit my size criteria but they were further away and had no amenities near them.
• When I travel into Birmingham to meet work friends (pre-Covid obviously), its good to be within walking distance of the main train routes, (which DY4 is), otherwise it gets too expensive to make these trips by taxis.

Ok just my thoughts here
1 being very important and 6 being least important
In what order would you put the above 6 requirements.

You mention a relationship, dont have that in the back of your mind, dont try to accomodate a possible relationship into buying a property. Buy what YOU like/want to now.
Have you spoken to anymore estate agents ?

MovingForwards

It's been suggested OP seek medical assistance to help him overcome his anxiety, problems with letting go of his previous house due to relationship breakdown and everything in between.

Only then will he be able to move on.

This is already a 5 page thread, repeating exactly the same thing as all his other threads.

So what if you are at the maximum amount you can borrow with your deposit, saving more money means you can look at more expensive properties.

Something has to give and a compromise has to be made.

MovingForwards

Doozergirl said:

JGB1955 said:

I can see why you would prefer a detached house - have you considered a new build?  There seem to be quite a few in DY4. 

I haven't looked, but perhaps the HTB options would help find a bigger house. 

I have a vague recollection though that the budget isn't necessarily a mortgage affordability on paper issue but a choice, to a degree? 

He won't qualify under the new H2B scheme due to previously owning a house.

scottishblondie

RandomDan said:

Just buy this one.  Simples.  Has a nice looking pub just down the road.  3 train stations within a mile. Ticks all boxes of your initial criteria.

https://www.rightmove.co.uk/property-for-sale/property-73647306.html

I was going to suggest this one:
https://www.rightmove.co.uk/property-for-sale/property-71114094.html

Just round the corner, almost the same layout and £30k cheaper.  It doesn't have a ready made drive, but the neighbours have already added one at the front and there appears to be rear access and a garage at the end of the garden.

But given that OP has exactly the same access to Rightmove as we do, I don't expect suggesting properties to him is actually going to help...

dramaticat

You have asked for help in making compromises, but compromising seems to be the one thing you are not able to do, for whatever reason. People have offered you constructive practical approaches to consider, but I don't think that's the help you need, and I wouldn't presume to try and tell you what might help. I assume that the house you rent currently works on some level, so I think you will just have to continue living in it in the hope that the "right" house will eventually come on the market.

I understand the importance of location and that big decisions like this can be affected by more than just practical decisions. I have been thinking of selling my house for the last three years but only took the plunge and did so this summer. I tell people it's because it's too big for me (5 bedrooms), which it will be when I get really old, but the main reason for moving is that it has too many memories after my husband died. So lots of emotional stuff in play in my transaction too.

It doesn't help that I decided I need to stay in the same village, because I still need the support of my good friends, several of whom are within walking distance. So that has naturally limited my choice. I've seen around 10 houses over the last three years and I put in a (low) offer on one in October. Although it's a 3-bed, it has the same sense of space in the living areas and a better flow than my current house. It's not in the perfect location in the village as my current house is, but it is better placed than all but one of the others I've viewed. The struggle will be finding a price on which the vendor and I agree. But there is nothing else on the market at the moment that suits, and if I go with this house, I know I will have a feeling that I overpaid. That is the practical demon I have to battle with. Despite what I said above, I know I won't escape the emotional demon that comes with selling this house either.

I could probably find something a bit cheaper if I widened my search to other nearby villages and towns, but I'm not emotionally ready to do that. If I'd found myself all alone in this village, then I think I would have considered doing something drastic and moved to the coast, as I've always had the idea I'd like to live by the sea. Who knows what life has in store – perhaps that will happen one day, as perhaps you will find the perfect house that allows you to have your dream piano – but right now I have to do what is the best for me in this moment in time and stay in my comfort zone. Perhaps that's what's best for you right now, too.