Sister thinks I am "unsupportive" of her pregnancy/baby

Drawingaline

Ok, so you are not local then. Even more reason to not move in with them. Maybe once she has the baby booking a week's holiday and finding help with your cat and staying over then might be helpful and a compromise.

There are masses of online mum to be communities who can offer support, even more so atm with less face to face support. 

And unlike others I can sort of understand her wish to have her baby at 'home'. Pregnancy throws up all sorts of emotions, especially in someone without a mother themselves, the desire to be safe and somewhere where you feel is normal for you is incredibly important. 

Be a listening ear, sympathetic and empathetic, but set the boundaries you are happy with. Sometimes a but of a short hard shock helps people to see they are being ridiculous, other times gentle reminders are necessary.

And make sure you have an outlet at this time too, this will help you in ensuring things are not said that can't be taken back. 

Obviously this all depends on her and you having a good relationship already.

And if funds permit maybe contacting local doulas may be an option. Most work primarily as birth partners and postnatally for support, both practical and emotional, but I am sure in this situation there may be a way for them to give antenatal emotional support, either face to face if restrictions allow, or via online/phone. Certainly may be worth a mention. Doula UK site should have details if any in the area.

JamoLew

If i was her, I would stay put and have the baby there
Our hospitals are going to be a mess for months to come
Does she actually realise how stretched the NHS is currently
Having someone who doesn't need to come and suck more resources away from it is well - i wont say it

Mojisola

JamoLew said:

If i was her, I would stay put and have the baby there
Our hospitals are going to be a mess for months to come
Does she actually realise how stretched the NHS is currently

And staying home means the father won't miss out on his child's early months. 

elsien

Drawingaline said:

Ok, so you are not local then. Even more reason to not move in with them. Maybe once she has the baby booking a week's holiday and finding help with your cat and staying over then might be helpful and a compromise.

There are masses of online mum to be communities who can offer support, even more so atm with less face to face support. 

And unlike others I can sort of understand her wish to have her baby at 'home'. Pregnancy throws up all sorts of emotions, especially in someone without a mother themselves, the desire to be safe and somewhere where you feel is normal for you is incredibly important. 

Be a listening ear, sympathetic and empathetic, but set the boundaries you are happy with. Sometimes a but of a short hard shock helps people to see they are being ridiculous, other times gentle reminders are necessary.

And make sure you have an outlet at this time too, this will help you in ensuring things are not said that can't be taken back. 

Obviously this all depends on her and you having a good relationship already.

And if funds permit maybe contacting local doulas may be an option. Most work primarily as birth partners and postnatally for support, both practical and emotional, but I am sure in this situation there may be a way for them to give antenatal emotional support, either face to face if restrictions allow, or via online/phone. Certainly may be worth a mention. Doula UK site should have details if any in the area.

Funds aren't permitting unless dad and OP stump up. The OP says her sister has come over here with no money and appears to already be expecting them to support her and the baby financially while she is here.
OP, in terms of necessities for the baby, your sister needs to consider that she either has to pay extra to take things back with her when she returns, or dump it. On that basis there may well be a lot of things that as a new mum she thinks she needs but actually could do without until she gets home. 

Mojisola

Regarding buying stuff for the baby - apart from a mattress, pretty much everything can be bought secondhand. There are loads of local selling groups and charity shops with good quality items to get what's necessary. It could all be sold on again when she goes back home. 

AskAsk

JamoLew said:

If i was her, I would stay put and have the baby there
Our hospitals are going to be a mess for months to come
Does she actually realise how stretched the NHS is currently
Having someone who doesn't need to come and suck more resources away from it is well - i wont say it

not to mention it is no longer safe here from covid 19 and she is more at risk of catching the virus in our hospitals.

Emmia

I was wondering if there is an issue with her marriage that she's not mentioning - given that she's pregnant and has upped sticks to literally go to the other side of the planet to have the baby.  

When is she planning to return? Given her lack of funds, does she have the ticket back booked?

Pollycat

I don't think you are being selfish.

Stick to your guns and let her have her hissy fit and if she comes round to accepting what you are (quite reasonably imo) offering, that's fine.

If she doesn't, so be it.

I'm not sure why she would see a 3 year younger sister as a surrogate Mother, but you know her and I don't.

AskAsk said:

she sounds like a right drama queen.

She sounds like a Mumziller.

JamoLew

AskAsk said:

JamoLew said:

If i was her, I would stay put and have the baby there
Our hospitals are going to be a mess for months to come
Does she actually realise how stretched the NHS is currently
Having someone who doesn't need to come and suck more resources away from it is well - i wont say it

not to mention it is no longer safe here from covid 19 and she is more at risk of catching the virus in our hospitals.

I think on a maternity ward the risk is very very low, especially with the extra precautions in place - but yes I agree, why take an necessary risk (and then complain about cat poo)

sheramber

The OP says her father is a doc. More danger of catching covid.