Money Moral Dilemma: Should I still send a present if I'm not invited to the wedding?

primrose_penguin

You were originally invited to her wedding, which you accepted and would have given a card and present, or cash. It is not their fault they have had to restrict the number of guests due to the pandemic and as it is your brother's daughter I would not hesitate to send them a card and gift still. You will probably save a lot of money by not having to buy a wedding outfit etc. so you have saved that expense. They may have a celebration party after the wedding at a later date when rules are eventually relaxed, which you will probably be invited to anyway.

Tim11111000111

I don't know what the official "etiquette" is but I would send the present (unless you actively dislike the couple and are looking for an excuse to not send one?)

• The present doesn't have to be big or expensive if you're worried about money. You've almost certainly saved a lot by not actually attending (taxis, hotels, drinks etc.)
• In general (birthdays etc.) sending presents to friends/family is very much a normal thing. If they are on your Christmas card list, they probably ought to be on your wedding present list!
• They sound like sufficiently close relatives that you would expect to see them on a regular basis. Even if you're not close to them, it's good to keep people you have to see on a regular basis happy!
• Rightly or wrongly, it might also affect you relationship with your brother, whom you claim to be much closer to. This is his daughter you are talking about!
• It's not the couple's fault they can't have the wedding they wanted. Only you can decide how you feel about not making the Top 15 list.

sallysaver

It would be a monetary gift  from me.  I have given our nieces money for their birthdays and christmas's (and in-between)  since they were born.  They live in a different world to me and what I would choose for them and what they would like are 2 entirely different things.  It negates me wracking my brain to choose a gift and them returning something they either don't like or don't need and even if they don't return  the said gift,it  gets put to the back of a cupboard and completely forgotten about and I think that's a complete and utter waste .  Its money all the way for me or perhaps I should have said Bank Transfer.  I have to remember to keep up with the times in my old age!!!

EssexHebridean

If you are the sort of person who only ever does anything for what you might get in return, then withhold the present in protest about not getting a stale vol-au-vent and a bit of a boogie. If you have genuine regard for your niece, an understanding of how upset she must be to not be getting the wedding she may well have dreamed of for much of her life, are a normal decent human being and most importantly can afford to purchase a gift (although I see cost was not a factor in the question posted) then do the decent thing and save your reputation in the process... 

Pollycat

jlc57 said:

Definitely if you were going to go to the wedding.  Even if I am not invited to a family member's wedding I will send a card and cheque to them, weddings are expensive and I always think that the people they see regularly should be there so just because I am a relative doesn't mean that I should get a place instead of a close friend.

Weddings are expensive if the bride & groom (and maybe their parents) choose to make them expensive.

It's not expensive to get married.

meknowalot-51

If you've already bought a present then just send it,with a card and good wishes.Let's assume you haven't,what i suggest is send the card and put some money in it towards a weekend away.Chances are that in the new year they will have a get together for you all and you can get to know them a bit more.Wish them well.

marygriffiths1956

We are in the same situation I would send a gift or cheque in a card for what you can afford especially if it's family. It's not their fault numbers are reduced & as we see it they deserve a memorable day & to know you're thinking of them & wishing them happiness.

anne103

MSE_Kelvin said:

This week's MoneySaver who wants advice asks...

My niece was originally due to have a large wedding in June, and we'd accepted an invitation. I'm not close to her, but I am to her dad (my brother). Due to the pandemic, they've decided to get married just before Christmas with 15 close family members. I'm now not invited - so I'm not sure what the present-sending etiquette is.

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I would,  it must be really sad for them not having the wedding that they wanted.  They didn't uninvite you, it was forced upon them. A present would just show them that you're thinking of them on their special day.

DeeHarbs

Of course you should send a present. She’s your niece and a very special day for her. 

ynysygwas

13 guests plus the happy couple. You say you are not close to your niece so it would be unlikely you'd be one of the 13. Parents/step parents of the bride and groom. Grandparents if any are lucky enough to still be alive. Best man/groomsmen, bridesmaids and special friends. A ruthless culling of the guest list must have been difficult and has, very probably, already spoiled 'the special day' for your niece.
You were originally going and would still have gone were it not for the extreme Covid restrictions. It would seem churlish if you now go all sulky and deny your brother's daughter the wedding gift you'd initially intended.