Money Moral Dilemma: Should I still send a present if I'm not invited to the wedding?

Afourteen

Do send a present, as others have said you no longer have to spend money to go so sending a gift will show you are thinking of the couple on their big day. 

That surely will go a long way to mitigate the loss of not having a large gathering to celebrate. 

Grumpy_chap

Yes, definitely send her a lovely gift, and accompany that with best wishes for her future happiness and how sad it is she cannot have the big wedding she dreamed of and you would have loved to be there in person.

If you really feel kind, you could also arrange to invite your niece and her new husband (or wife) for an afternoon tea after lockdown is over - that will be nice and still way cheaper than the cost of hotel and suits / dresses to attend the wedding anyhow.

alexp1979

Yes... I think if they were kind enough to invite you to the originally planned wedding, and you originally accepted, then you should definitely contribute.  It is not their fault that the circumstances dictate that they have to narrow down their guest list to an absolute minority, and they will be upset by this as it is.  If you are in circumstances where you simply cannot afford to send a gift of monetary value, then you should consider what other gift you could offer them.  (Eg. your time, or perhaps a family treasured item that was passed down to you, and that you could now pass down to them, or at the very least an IOU for when times are less hard).

sanjkn

If you’ve bought a present then send it. If you haven’t, then take one when you visit them. 

Marshie92

I had to sign up just to respond to this.

If I were your Niece I wouldn't want a gift and be glad you're not at my wedding. 

Do you not think the poor woman has had to make some horrible decisions and is devistated about having to rearrnage her wedding? 

My second (ex-step) cousin was due to get married in May, then September, now April and his Fiancée still thinks it'll be 15/30 guests by then. I said I definitely do not expect to attend and they should get married just the 2 of them if it comes to it. I will be sending them a gift prior to their new wedding date and it'll be a higher value than originally intended as I will save hundreds on hotel, dress, suit, drinks etc. 

NO-ONE has chosen to reduce wedding guests this year or next!

💔

Cimscate

I have 13 nieces and nephews. I  wouldn't dream of not sending a gift whether I'm close to them or not. That said you know your own family so do what feels right to you

jlc57

Definitely if you were going to go to the wedding.  Even if I am not invited to a family member's wedding I will send a card and cheque to them, weddings are expensive and I always think that the people they see regularly should be there so just because I am a relative doesn't mean that I should get a place instead of a close friend.

JayD

Of course you should still send a present! Did you really need to ask?

Bad enough they have had to reduce their guest numbers because of covid, without being treated all the less by those they couldn't invite!

Silvertabby

When our niece (Mr S's goddaughter) was getting married a couple of years ago (pre covid) we received an invitation, a copy of the gift list, and details of hotel accommodation.

Although the wedding was being held some distance away, we were all set to go - because, hey, family and all that.  

When I next spoke to my sis-in-law, I asked her what she would be wearing and mentioned that I would probably wear my coat dress for the ceremony, but would buy a new dress for the evening do.  After a lot of humming and ha-ing she said that we were only invited to the evening do, as the actual wedding and reception was only for 'close family' 

All that way and all that expense for just a butty and a bop was a non-starter, so we declined the invitation. 

However, we did send a present.

orangerose1

Definitely send a present with a nice card wishing them a lovely future together. You'll always feel good about it ; and I hope the Happy Couple send you a nice thank you.....and if ,like so many they don't, at least you'll  know you did a nice thing