Money Moral Dilemma: Should I still send a present if I'm not invited to the wedding?

Mikeat60

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Send a present.  Something substantial but NOT CASH.  Cash is forgotten, a complete set of non stick or stainless steel saucepans is remembered for a long time.  It's like a time delay explosive!  If not saucepans, something useful that will last a long time is best.

If still in doubt, remember it's for your brother.

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sarahmccallum

I can’t believe you’re asking this. You say you’re close to your brother and this is his child setting out on life’s journey during unprecedented times having had their big celebration stolen from them by this virus. Why would you not send a present? The only reason would be that you can’t afford it. If you can afford it then send one. 

Your niece may not notice if you don’t but your brother could be deeply offended.  I’m not a one for constant and unnecessary gift giving, but this is a no-brainier. The gift - be it cash or something specific is to help them on their journey and to remind them of the love and support that friends and family have for them.  Do you only send birthday presents if people send you a bit of the cake?  A gift is a gift. It needs no reward. 

sptigress

Yes, she’s your niece. 

Pollycat

I wouldn't worry about what the 'present-sending etiquette' is.

Just do what you feel is most appropriate.

confusedgranny

A present is meant to be just that, not a ticket to a meal.

pollypenny

Nothing to do with whether you have been invited or not - she's your niece, for goodness sake. 

I've been in the same situation with my nephew. We've bought them a voucher for a country hotel stay. Transferable and refundable, of course. 

EmmaBadgeParry

We arent in Victorian times now, etiquette is out of the window.   Do what you think is right and feel comfortable with.  Do you have to be invited to do something nice for your niece?  I am not particularly close to my nephews mainly because we have always lived miles away from them but I still put £100 in a card for his 16th birthday. 

Afourteen

Mikeat60 - "Send a present.  Something substantial but NOT CASH.  Cash is forgotten, a complete set of non stick or stainless steel saucepans is remembered for a long time.  It's like a time delay explosive!  If not saucepans, something useful that will last a long time is best.

If still in doubt, remember it's for your brother."

My wife and I beg to differ, with no wish to start an arguement. My wife comes from very traditional, close (English) family; when we married 22 years ago we received physical gifts from most of that side of the family; my family, not close but thoughtful, the majority gave money as did our friends. Of the dozen or so physical gifts received we only still have 2 gifts (wine glasses and a tea set that only comes out when the giver visits - 3 times). The money carpeted the house, bought a fridge and the dinner service the wife wanted with better deal than listing the individual items as 'gifts'. 

Dr_Madvibe

Yes, it the decent thing to do. It’s (presumably) not their fault they’ve had to radically change their plans. 

It it may even bring you a bit closer.

wigan1705

Of course you should, you would, presumably, have bought one had you been going to the wedding, it isn't your niece's fault that a pandemic is preventing this, you should be honoured they invited you in the first place.