Paying too much rent to Boyfriend?

Mickey666

This is why couples should live together before legalising their partnership.  I’m guessing this particular relationship is not going to get to that stage.

Buzzard1985

d378378 said:

Hello,

Sorry if there have been several threads on this before but here’s my situation.

I moved out of my expensive rented flat in London to save money during the pandemic (being able to work remotely) and planned to move in with my parents rent free. My new boyfriend had received a very large sum from his parents a few years back and put a 50% deposit on a house with it, paying a mortgage himself on the remaining amount. He offered me to move in, in exchange for me to pay the utilities, buy all of the groceries and do the majority of household chores. The house is not in an area I would typically choose to live and is a very long journey should I need to go into my office or see my family or friends in London- 40 miles by car, but being in the ‘butterflies’ stage of the relationship I agreed.

A few weeks after moving in, after he had a discussion with his mother (who seems to believe I’m a parasite). He asked me to start paying ‘rent’, he first asked me for the standard market rent for a room in the area (£400). I disagreed and we brought the price down to £300. His argument being his finances were stretched and I was willing to pay an extortionate rent to a landlord in London but not to him. I felt this a bit unfair being treated as a ‘tenant’ rather than a partner and this not being worked out beforehand, but being a relatively new relationship I agreed.

Ive been living with him 8 weeks now and despite the new agreed ‘rent’ I continue to buy the majority of groceries and do the majority of the chores, and he has started asking me to buy pieces of furniture for the house. He also makes a lot of backhanded comments if I want to buy something for myself (a watch or some clothes for example) saying I should be spending the money on him. He takes home about £1k more than me per month but his finances are a little stretched at the moment having just purchased his house and furniture. I feel like he is asking me to contribute too much to something I ultimately don’t own or get any return out of.

It is a 5 bedroom house, with the remaining bedrooms sitting fully furnished and empty, he originally bought the big house to rent the rooms out but is now refusing to do so.

I currently have little savings and ultimately want to save for a deposit so I can buy a property (joint ownership) with him. But we clearly have disagreements already in the money department. I can see from his perspective I am living in a large house relatively cheaply that he has stretched to pay for. If it were up to me I believe I should be paying half of the utilities + a token amount for any maintenance, £160 taking everything into account would seem fair. He would be making a small ‘profit’ and I could save for a deposit.

Am I being unreasonable?

WARNING lights for this guy!  My first read are you his girlfriend or ''arrangement''.   Doesn't sound good- putting aside ££. Just the outlook of him to you.   Be interesting to see the attitude/interest if you do go to the parents.  I would bring it up see his reaction.  But certainly is concerning is the outlook from what you say.

-taff

Basically, he'sasking you to be housekeeper with benefits that pays him for the privilege. Move out.

MalMonroe

I read this -  "His argument being his finances were stretched and I was willing to pay an extortionate rent to a landlord in London but not to him." 

And couldn't read any further because my gut reaction was, RUN RUN like the wind, in the opposite direction, as fast as you can.

Obviously, it's your life but nobody needs to be in a relationship with someone like that. He sounds absolutely awful. Do you REALLY want to be with someone who could even THINK such a thing? Not to mention discuss your private relationship with his mother! For me, if I'm in a relationship with someone then both he and I need to be unconditionally loving and generous. Otherwise, it's a definite no go.

Sorry but I think this relationship is doomed. And if I were you, I'd move back in with my parents and carry on with my own, independent, plan. Let him keep his big house and rattle around in it on his own. 

74jax

Before you moved in, how was 'dating'? 
I would go to your parents THEN discuss how to move forward, I wouldn't discuss it and say if you can't get it sorted you will go. I would go now.  You can always move back in a few months. 

Marvel1

d378378 said:

He offered me to move in, in exchange for me to pay the utilities, buy all of the groceries and do the majority of household chores. 

Sorry I only made it this far,
Split up, move in with your parents.

EDIT: I continued to read it all and strongly stick by - split up - it reads the start of abuse.

Aranyani

Get out and get out now.  There are so many red flags here for this being an unhealthy or even abusive relationship. 

Pollycat

d378378 said:

Thanks for the responses, the truth is the mother in law has her hands in the pot, changing his mind from the original agreement telling him I should be paying a standard market rent to stay with him. But this is his house it should be up to him. I will have a serious discussion with him or it’s I’m off to my parents I go.

Ah.

The (potential) in-laws problem.

Take a read of this thread:

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/6204504/i-really-hate-my-inlaws#latest

I agree with the majority of all of the other replies...run for the hills.

pjcox2005

I agree with others that he's demanding too much, and it doesn't feel like a partnership/relationship just with elements like doing all the chores.
I would though suggest your view of £160 is also too low (but not as way off as his expectations) as I think it's reasonable to be paying an element of "rent" as well as utilities if you're sharing a house with him. Whether you think that or your parents house is the best offer is up to you.
I'd probably think it's more like £200-£300 (half of rental price in the area) plus half of utilities and shopping. I'd expect all chores to be split equally unless there is something preventing that like time spent working jobs, or the other party is doing other things that benefit the couple.

gwynlas

So you are paying him to rent half a double bed or does mother in law think you are a generous lodger? I think you should move out and let him pay for his priveleges elsewhere, You are the one being inconvenienced not living in an area that you would choose, paying bills, buying groceries, housekeeping and personal services. Unless the sexual part is worth it you are being taken for a ride.