Paying too much rent to Boyfriend?

d378378

Hello,

Sorry if there have been several threads on this before but here’s my situation.

I moved out of my expensive rented flat in London to save money during the pandemic (being able to work remotely) and planned to move in with my parents rent free. My new boyfriend had received a very large sum from his parents a few years back and put a 50% deposit on a house with it, paying a mortgage himself on the remaining amount. He offered me to move in, in exchange for me to pay the utilities, buy all of the groceries and do the majority of household chores. The house is not in an area I would typically choose to live and is a very long journey should I need to go into my office or see my family or friends in London- 40 miles by car, but being in the ‘butterflies’ stage of the relationship I agreed.

A few weeks after moving in, after he had a discussion with his mother (who seems to believe I’m a parasite). He asked me to start paying ‘rent’, he first asked me for the standard market rent for a room in the area (£400). I disagreed and we brought the price down to £300. His argument being his finances were stretched and I was willing to pay an extortionate rent to a landlord in London but not to him. I felt this a bit unfair being treated as a ‘tenant’ rather than a partner and this not being worked out beforehand, but being a relatively new relationship I agreed.

Ive been living with him 8 weeks now and despite the new agreed ‘rent’ I continue to buy the majority of groceries and do the majority of the chores, and he has started asking me to buy pieces of furniture for the house. He also makes a lot of backhanded comments if I want to buy something for myself (a watch or some clothes for example) saying I should be spending the money on him. He takes home about £1k more than me per month but his finances are a little stretched at the moment having just purchased his house and furniture. I feel like he is asking me to contribute too much to something I ultimately don’t own or get any return out of.

It is a 5 bedroom house, with the remaining bedrooms sitting fully furnished and empty, he originally bought the big house to rent the rooms out but is now refusing to do so.

I currently have little savings and ultimately want to save for a deposit so I can buy a property (joint ownership) with him. But we clearly have disagreements already in the money department. I can see from his perspective I am living in a large house relatively cheaply that he has stretched to pay for. If it were up to me I believe I should be paying half of the utilities + a token amount for any maintenance, £160 taking everything into account would seem fair. He would be making a small ‘profit’ and I could save for a deposit.

Am I being unreasonable?

MovingForwards

No.

You should be paying half the utilities.
Paying 'rent', towards 'maintenance' and other house things could be seen gaining a beneficial interest in the property.

If you are not happy, stick with your original plan and move to your parents. Save and buy your own home.

gettingtheresometime

Oh & don't include him in your house buying plans unless he has a major personality change

bhjm

what would you do if this would be classified as serious relationship or marriage. How would you sort this out then?
appears to me, he was to optimistic in his financial calculation and wants you do take over some of his financial burden.

at the end its between you 2 how you sort this out, how much you pay / contribute. If 50% of grocery and utilities i believe is given. But if you should pay a kind of rent, I believe yes - but this could also gain you an interest in the property. 

RobM99

Any doormats in the house -  apart from you?

d378378

Thanks for the responses, the truth is the mother in law has her hands in the pot, changing his mind from the original agreement telling him I should be paying a standard market rent to stay with him. But this is his house it should be up to him. I will have a serious discussion with him or it’s I’m off to my parents I go.

GingerLs

What are you actually gaining from this arrangement and relationship? Move back in with your parents and get rid of him. 

kangoora

Move back to your parents and tell him you'll move back in with him if he starts treating you like a partner rather than a tenant/slave. It's his problem, not yours, that he's struggling to afford a 5 bedroomed house - he could easily have bought a 3 bedroomed house and had a relatively small mortgage.

Paying £300 rent, paying all the utilities, buying all the groceries AND doing all the household chores - he is treating you like a complete mug - and you're allowing it.

At most you should be paying half the utilities, half the groceries and doing half the household chores

olgadapolga

I think that I'd be packing my bags right now.

pickledonionspaceraider

Honestly he is mugging you off.
If you stay with him, you will have zero money and zero time to yourself doing all the household chores

Run for the hills

jennystarpepper

I would go now, he is taking advantage of you. 

If he is listening to mummy and not using his own judgement you face long term relationship problems.  Make a quick break and don't look back. 

 I think in asking what others think, you probably know what he is doing is wrong.  If he mentions he would have money problems if you leave, it is his problem, you are doing him the favour,  so that he does not have to have lodgers / strangers in his house.