Paying too much rent to Boyfriend?

mobileron

He sounds like a great catch,tell him its now £100 a time for sex,watch his face.

BrassicWoman

the flag cannot get any more red.

sammyjammy

one minute you are at the butterfly stage, next you are talking about his mother as the inlaw then you talk of buying  house together, I think you perfectly suit each other!

AskAsk

as others have said, this is not the right person for you.  i know it will be hard to leave but you should try to do so before you get in too deep and it becomes even harder to leave.

yksi

I think the problem is that the goalposts have been moved.

At the time d378378 agreed to move in, he had his original plan of lodgers and he figured: hey, d378378 could move in with me. We'd see more of each other, I really like d378378, and let's keep it sort of fair, since it's my house, in return she can do the chores and cover the utility bills. That's actually a fair deal as it stands. Peachy, right?

Then he realised hey, I don't really want lodgers in my house and ownership is expensive. He looked about for ways to deal with this and probably moaned about it to his mother. The mother then decided that since two people live in the house, two people should pay for the expenses jointly. But that only works when you're in a committed partnership and the home is your JOINT home.

He failed to see why it's not appropriate for d378378 to share the costs of ownership when it isn't her hunk of real estate. He totally overstepped boundaries by discussing the relationship itself with his mother and nobody has told him it's inappropriate. He probably thinks he was only discussing his home and household bills, but it's more sensitive than that and he needs to know that he should have told his mum that d378378's contribution to the home is not for discussion.

This is why d378378 must (MUST) make it crystal clear that she will neither share the burden of the ownership nor tolerate their relationship being openly discussed with the mother. She needs to either move home to her parents' place or tell him to get a lodger in - at which point she can contribute 1/3 of the utilities, half their food costs and perhaps give him half the cost of a bedroom (£200-odd) as a contribution. And he could spend it on a cleaner!

d378378

yksi said:

I think the problem is that the goalposts have been moved.

At the time d378378 agreed to move in, he had his original plan of lodgers and he figured: hey, d378378 could move in with me. We'd see more of each other, I really like d378378, and let's keep it sort of fair, since it's my house, in return she can do the chores and cover the utility bills. That's actually a fair deal as it stands. Peachy, right?

Then he realised hey, I don't really want lodgers in my house and ownership is expensive. He looked about for ways to deal with this and probably moaned about it to his mother. The mother then decided that since two people live in the house, two people should pay for the expenses jointly. But that only works when you're in a committed partnership and the home is your JOINT home.

He failed to see why it's not appropriate for d378378 to share the costs of ownership when it isn't her hunk of real estate. He totally overstepped boundaries by discussing the relationship itself with his mother and nobody has told him it's inappropriate. He probably thinks he was only discussing his home and household bills, but it's more sensitive than that and he needs to know that he should have told his mum that d378378's contribution to the home is not for discussion.

This is why d378378 must (MUST) make it crystal clear that she will neither share the burden of the ownership nor tolerate their relationship being openly discussed with the mother. She needs to either move home to her parents' place or tell him to get a lodger in - at which point she can contribute 1/3 of the utilities, half their food costs and perhaps give him half the cost of a bedroom (£200-odd) as a contribution. And he could spend it on a cleaner!

This is pretty much the situation.

I packed my car and sat him down and had a serious chat. He was stubborn I should be paying more that the bills to use the house & furniture he bought. He still seems to be thinking of things in the long run saying I could think of everything as “ours” (but not have anything to my name). Upset at the thought of me leaving we agreed I would give him £250 a month, more importantly we agreed the chores nonsense would come to an end and household work and groceries would be split evenly.

we’ll see how long it lasts.

Aranyani

Big mistake.  

You were packed up, you should have just gone. 

Pollycat

'Paying to use the furniture he's bought'? Did he really say that? If he did, it gives a clear insight into how his mind works.

I think he's hoping that he can slide things back to how he wants them over a period of time and that you'll just accept them.

Did you agree a list of responsibilities for household chores?

You know, you cook, he washes up then alternate next day.

I would be on high alert for any hint of him taking advantage of this agreement.

warwick2001

d378378

This is pretty much the situation.

I packed my car and sat him down and had a serious chat. He was stubborn I should be paying more that the bills to use the house & furniture he bought. He still seems to be thinking of things in the long run saying I could think of everything as “ours” (but not have anything to my name). Upset at the thought of me leaving we agreed I would give him £250 a month, more importantly we agreed the chores nonsense would come to an end and household work and groceries would be split evenly.

we’ll see how long it lasts.

You've been hood-winked. He's played you. No doubt the chores won't be split (i.e. he won't do them, as he still sees them as your job) and you'll end up doing them to keep the house tidy. And I fully expect him, in the not too distant future, to ask for more money, as he can't afford all the bills with your new agreed price. And as you've stayed this time, no doubt he'll think you'll stay again when the new demands are issued.

As a previous poster mentioned, the fact he is saying you can 'use' HIS furniture shows that he sees YOU as the lodger, not as a equal partner in the house. This has disaster written all over it. I cannot recommend you get out now strongly enough. You are making all the concessions. THIS IS NOT AN EQUAL RELATIONSHIP!!!!!!!!!

Good luck if you decide to stay, but please don't say you haven't been warned (by pretty much everyone who has posted!!)

ace33

My partner moved into "my" first house a few months after I bought it. The only agreement we had was that she paid for the food shopping, I paid all house expenses as I would be paying those anyway.

Anything we bought was ours and it was her home as much as mine. It's all part of a relationship.