Paying too much rent to Boyfriend?

Penguin_

As others have said you are paying to be a housekeeper. I am almost at the stage where my girlfriend will be moving in with me & I can tell you now that if I asked her to pay & do what you are, she wouldn't move in.

Sandtree

d378378 said:

I currently have little savings and ultimately want to save for a deposit so I can buy a property (joint ownership) with him. 

Is he in on this plan to buy a second property together? Are you sure its that you want to buy a property with him and not a property and if you happen to still be with this guy it'll be with him?

On the surface I am not convinced that either of you are yet in the fully committed stage of the relationship. He is treating you more like a lodger than a partner and you seem to planning a future life which may or may not involve him. I dont think necessarily that either are wrong actions to being taken as long as you are both honest with yourselves and each other. 

Have to admit to being slightly disappointed with some other peoples comments that he gets a lodger with benefits as it could equally be said that the OP has discounted rent with benefits. Havent we got past the idea that sex is something that only men want and that for women its just a bartering tool?

sallysaver

Well, if you think he is financially struggling now even with your contributions, he is in for a big shock when yours stop.  Wonder if his mummy will be surprised at how things will turn out.  You are paying to keep him afloat.  Run for the hills and don't look back.  Bet he'll fill his other 4 bedrooms then.

Pollycat

Going back to your original post:

d378378 said:

My new boyfriend had received a very large sum from his parents a few years back and put a 50% deposit on a house with it, paying a mortgage himself on the remaining amount. He offered me to move in, in exchange for me to pay the utilities, buy all of the groceries and do the majority of household chores. The house is not in an area I would typically choose to live and is a very long journey should I need to go into my office or see my family or friends in London- 40 miles by car, but being in the ‘butterflies’ stage of the relationship I agreed.

A few weeks after moving in, after he had a discussion with his mother (who seems to believe I’m a parasite). He asked me to start paying ‘rent’, he first asked me for the standard market rent for a room in the area (£400). I disagreed and we brought the price down to £300. His argument being his finances were stretched and I was willing to pay an extortionate rent to a landlord in London but not to him. I felt this a bit unfair being treated as a ‘tenant’ rather than a partner and this not being worked out beforehand, but being a relatively new relationship I agreed.

If he bought the house a few years back and his finances are now stretched, what has changed?

d378378 said:

He also makes a lot of backhanded comments if I want to buy something for myself (a watch or some clothes for example) saying I should be spending the money on him.

This ^^^^ would be the final nail in the coffin of the relationship.

He's expecting you to pay rent, buy all the groceries, and do the majority of the chores.

And he wants a say in what you do with the money you've earned yourself.

Do you hear that sound?

It's alarm bells.

And to me, that sound is deafening.

RobM99

Wanted - partner to do my chores, get my shopping, pay me £400 a month.

I'll have a long wait!

RobM99

olgadapolga said:

I think that I'd be packing my bags right now.

You'd have waited that long?!

-taff

Sandtree said:

Have to admit to being slightly disappointed with some other peoples comments that he gets a lodger with benefits as it could equally be said that the OP has discounted rent with benefits. Havent we got past the idea that sex is something that only men want and that for women its just a bartering tool?

The OP isn't getting discounted rent with benefits though is she? She's not even getting discounted rent when you add up what he expects her to pay. As to the benefits......

 A lodger wouldn't cook, clean, go shopping , spend their money on him AND pay him rent. They'd just pay him rent and not have any sexual side to their relationship....

Neither one are getting what they want. One, because hes obviously deluded as to the extent of his charms, and the other because they thought he had charms...Somewhere...

olgadapolga

RobM99 said:

olgadapolga said:

I think that I'd be packing my bags right now.

You'd have waited that long?!

No. But I would never have agreed to the original "deal" - inconvenient location, paying for the utilities, doing most of the housework, paying for the groceries not to mention dealing with his mother and the expectation that any surplus money should be spent on him and HIS home!

badmemory

I do hope you have packed already.  My BF suggested I move in with him - my costs zilch - he's not rich - still has a mortgage - my contribution would be being there for him.

Put your name on his utilities & you'll break up & still be lumbered with the bills for months to come.

swingaloo2

You moved in with him 'To save money' and he wanted you to move in 'To help his finances'.
Neither of you are in this for the right reasons. Apart from the financial side you should have run a mile when he imposed the housework rule.