Money Moral Dilemma: Should I stop putting my brother's name on gifts we buy?

Edina_Typhoon

Why do you have this system?  Does your brother know about it and did he agree to be part of it?  If yes, add up what he owes and present him with the total and ask him to pay up asap.  If he won't pay, ask why.  If the system isn't going to work, cut him out of it and let him buy or not buy gifts as he chooses.  Lots of men are very disorganised when it comes to remembering birthdays. This is not a sexist generalisation based on prejudice.  It's based on personal experience.  My husband can't remember when our sons' birthdays are.  He only remembers mine because it's two days before his own.  If his not buying gifts is going to cause a problem, it's his problem, not yours.  Ditch him.

Edina_Typhoon

Zsoltmeister said:

You can't ask that question here because no one has enough information to answer.

For all anyone here knows the brother pays his elderly parents' mortgage but is crap at remembering birthdays and anniversaries while OP buys £5 trinkets on special occasions but contributes nothing else for the rest of the year.

Lots of people are plenty generous when it's actually needed but are just too busy to remember about their niece's cousin's first communion.  

There's really no excuse for forgetting a birthday when there are so many reminder opportunities on PCs, Facebook, diary apps etc.

elsien

It's not really about the money, more a family member who CBA making any effort when someone else is willing to do it for them.
I used to get presents for parents and stick brother's names on. Then I got fed up and told them that being in possession of dangly bits did not exempt them from remembering birthdays and making an effort to buy something. If they forget or don't bother, that's down to them to explain to the relative whose birthday it is.  Not mine.
It's just laziness and expecting women (usually) to do all the remembering for them and relieve them of the burden of trying to think of what someone might like. They can remember if they have to, they choose not to because it's easier if they think there is someone else there to pick up the slack. "I'm a bloke" is not sufficient excuse. 
Sibling one didn't send me a card one year because "he forgot." We're twins. 

gloriouslyhappy

_nate said:

Indeed. Social interaction is extremely complicated. I hope you didn't think my post was sarcastic: it was from the heart. When considering earth-shattering dilemmas such as, "Should I falsely declare a gift to be from my brother who has made no contribution to it?" we must allow time for deep internal reflection, before perhaps contemplating confronting this 'brother' (no brother of mine) and asking whether he might mind if we did not lie for him repeatedly - or, perhaps, we could simply cease lying - but these choices, goodness, these are the issues which push us forward as a society. We need to make sure we think so, so carefully about this. Do not make any mistakes here. The future of the world is at stake.

Ah, more sarcasm. Never mind, you carry on having fun, I'm done responding.

ynysygwas

Why are you sending family gifts? Just give a present from yourself and let your brother and the other family members give their own, if they want to. Could it be that you secretly enjoy telling the rest of your family what to do re giving presents and like being able to complain about your brother? 
Just do your own thing and let other people do their's.

Seakay

        yes

Br14nWK

Tell him. No contribution no name. Some people take no responsibility in this life. Happy to take advantage and be leeches with no conscience unless pushed. But give him a chance to explain extenuating circumstances. But not worth falling out over. Be assertive, but remember, if it doesn’t improve the situation is it worth mentioning especially if  you are the one it hurts more in the long run.

Justiceforme

This is so trivial, the person must really know what the correct answer is no, don't put his name to anything that he does not contribute towards.  Use your common sense its very simple.

MalMonroe

Yes. "He ain't heavy, he's my brother" only goes so far. 

hairypitz

This is easy.
Say to your brother “I’ve seen x for mum’s birthday. It’s £30 (or whatever), do you want to go halves with me?”
He’ll probably say yes, you say “great I’ll pick it up on Saturday, transfer the money into my account now and I’ll get that all sorted”
If he doesn’t transfer the money then send a text the day before saying, “you didn’t transfer anything so I’m assuming you’re getting your own gift instead, give me a ring if you change your mind”
Youre being the kind, nice organizing sister but not a doormat. Voila!