Money Moral Dilemma: Should I stop putting my brother's name on gifts we buy?

DPS-2016

Doing so may give him a nudge in the right direction!

GRIFF_GRIFFIN

no - I'm sure whoever gets the gift knows he's a selfish git that doesn't contribute and appreciates you more for your generosity

jewelqueen

Ask him if he wants to contribute to x,y,z's present. You could mention why you are asking him - higher income. If the answer is no then don't put his name on it. Alternatively just tell him that you will be giving a present in you/your family's name only and if he wants to give one himself then he can do so.

ripongrammargirl

Well,duh!!!! Is there any wonder your fleecing brother has more cash than you if he never pays for any gifts!!!! Why are you subsidising him? Is he a big boy with a big grown up job- of course if he’s earning!! So why are you acting like you are both little kids sharing gift cost? Let him do his own thing if he doesn’t want to cough up and make it known gift is just from you (nobody reads tags... or reads at all anymore as computers do it for them) so recipient knows sender.
Get a grip on reality and realise what a money dilemma is, such as how I can pay £10,000+ debts that are going up to 36% interest rate after being on a balance transfer when, as a disabled person on disability pittance, I can’t get any other credit to swap it over???? 

Now that’s a real dilemma, which I face on a DAILY basis. Maybe you could pay it for me as you as so naive/generous (delete as applicable)?

_nate

Goodness, this is a really difficult question. I understand your concern here. It's so tough that I can't answer it myself. So I absolutely understand why you need to send it to several million people for their perspective. To all the brave people out there who have vastly more worldly experience than I, good luck. This is a question that truly matters. Its resolution will benefit humanity and will be noted by wise sages for aeons to come.

yorkie22

If you keep doing what you are he's going to be quite happy for that to happen. What would he do if for whatever reason you could'nt deliver, they would get nothing you say. Who's fault is that, yours. Make him stand on his own two feet and let him know you no longer wish to run around after him. Am sure he's old enough and daft enough to look after himself so tell him you no longer babying him.  

rwgray

The arrangement that you have is for the benefit of the recipients, and really nothing to do with your brother, so no, no need to change.

gloriouslyhappy

Rosa_Damascena said:

This is just petty, but do it if it puts you on the moral high point. Your brother is unlikely to care either way.

As you were.

Just Petty you say? OP's had to pay his share of family gifts when he's a high earner? Or even if he's a low earner! He's getting kudos for giving gifts as they have his name on them too, but he's neither done the work of chooosing them, wrapping them and distributing them, nor has he even paid a penny towards them.  Petty? What planet are you on?
This is a better response: Torry_Quine said:

What does he say when you've asked him for his share of the cost? I'd ask him and say if he doesn't contribute then you presume he's getting his own present so won't put his name.

gloriouslyhappy

_nate said:

Goodness, this is a really difficult question. I understand your concern here. It's so tough that I can't answer it myself. So I absolutely understand why you need to send it to several million people for their perspective. To all the brave people out there who have vastly more worldly experience than I, good luck. This is a question that truly matters. Its resolution will benefit humanity and will be noted by wise sages for aeons to come.

JayD said:

How about talking to your brother about this instead of bleating to a group of total strangers? 

You clearly have a grievance which appears to be totally justified, so why not discuss it with him? He's your brother! 

Wow, two people who don't understand that this forum is for asking advice / sounding people out about issues before raising them with the relevant party ie friend, family, boss etc. Hope if either of you are ever in need of advice, you get a less sarcastic answer..

_nate

Indeed. Social interaction is extremely complicated. I hope you didn't think my post was sarcastic: it was from the heart. When considering earth-shattering dilemmas such as, "Should I falsely declare a gift to be from my brother who has made no contribution to it?" we must allow time for deep internal reflection, before perhaps contemplating confronting this 'brother' (no brother of mine) and asking whether he might mind if we did not lie for him repeatedly - or, perhaps, we could simply cease lying - but these choices, goodness, these are the issues which push us forward as a society. We need to make sure we think so, so carefully about this. Do not make any mistakes here. The future of the world is at stake.