First Steps to Solvency

strawb_shortcake

getmore4less said:

FIL can get this for the Son(and you to help him). (its reduced)
your Smyths East Point Retail Park store has 5 in stock

I bought this for my Son last year, it's awesome
WRT advent calendars, we bought the children (and Husband) Lego advent calendars several years back, not exactly MSE as initial outlay for 3 children was £65 but they reuse them every year.
Lego has been a major expenditure in our house, I dread to think how much we've spent on it the past 14 years.

pink_fluffy_sparkles

Why dint you make her an advebt calander? Im not sure how much the beauty ones are, but you could use that money to buy her 24 little presents and wrap them up so she has one to open each day. They could be small presents that mean something to the 2 of you. Or just small fun gifts. Eg- mini prosecco, fave choc bar, fluffy socks then throw in something bigger you know shes uses eg fave lipstick. I know this could open up to mega spending, but if your going to buy one any way this way you can make sure she likes everything in it

One-step-at-a-time

Plus one for the family finances view. Since we started tackling debt our finances have been an open book. I know the state of his accounts and vice versa (and he probably gets bored of me oversharing!). I do strongly believe that if we'd always done this, we wouldn't have ended up in quite the mess we did (being open and accountable to another person does change things). I also remember being really defensive and prickly to start with because I knew exactly how badly I'd let it get away from me (even though there was no judgement and I was basically being angry at myself). Now it works really well, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

alt80

I’m seriously thinking about going to see my GP and getting some kind of pills that’ll just numb everything tbh. Won’t care about spending money, won’t care about making it. Won’t crave highs or have any drive to get anywhere with my life. Probably won’t look at stuff to buy because I won’t care. 

mothsinmywallet_2

Mate, you sound low. It's really hard to control an addiction. I hope you're being kind to yourself. 

stymied

Can you have a word with MIL to ask her to remind FIL that finances are a private subject. The information was shared with them in confidence and it is highly offensive to discuss in public or with other family members. If you explain this now then any potential decision not to have them round for Christmas will at least be justifiable.

alt80

@mothsinmywallet_2 I’m holed up in my home office - two staff at the real office rest working from home - BoJo BS. Enjoy being at work usually one of my few escapes. Everything I need to do is done for the day. Could I work on something else - sure but what’s even the point of trying to make more cash. I’ve spent way beyond my means for years. Never not overspent on cards but nothing like the past 2.5 years and tbf it used to be near enough paid for with the one month a year I saw a big payout. 

What’s the point in building a business if this is my life - counting down the years until I can have a few mad months and start the cycle all over again? I wish I could be like others on here who enjoy the simple stuff - can’t kid myself I do because I don’t. I get messages from people I know with links to stuff to buy because they think I’ll like it and am basically known to enjoy spending money on all kinds of stuff. That’s my interaction with people - business and I’ve bought x y z what do you think? Nothing wrong with that but when I’m trying to cut back it doesn’t help. Do I take a month off and reassess next month - that goes through my mind a lot. Different over the full lockdown because no one could buy anything. Work over the weekends because I still care about the business - no idea why I do tbh suppose it’s always been something I’m proud of even though I know a lot are doing better. 

Absolutely stuck - need to get out of the debt cycle at least for cards - cars / mortgages etc I’m not bothered about but I am bothered about building £140k of card debt over the past 2.5 years and bringing my business into it. Crossed the line there and the whole diabolical cost the business, me and put extra money in the tax mans wallet. I thought my mindset would switch, I’d get back into lockdown mode not want to spend and find a balance. All I’ve done is realise how much I do actually spend and how much time I spend on spending money. Now my wife has decided she wants to look through every single !!!!!! card bill and involve herself in my business because I can’t be trusted to behave. She stands up for her dad and he thinks he’s got the right to humiliate me in front of other family. I’ve tried to deal with them to avoid going to the shops or out driving making myself miserable for less opportunity to spend and to be a better example to my son - spending time with her family.  

DayDreamerandGeneralWaster

Totally agree with the advent calendar. My husband buys me one but l've asked him not to - if he's got a spare £150, pay it off the loan. I have some bits from last year l haven't opened yet.

alt80

@stymied not me who shared the information but I knew she’d do that to me - whenever she’s angry with me her parents know every single !!!!!! detail. I don’t want to see them again know I’ll have to. They are good grandparents to him, both of them and I can’t fault that but not coming here for Christmas. 

RelievedSheff

alt80 said:

@stymied not me who shared the information but I knew she’d do that to me - whenever she’s angry with me her parents know every single !!!!!! detail. I don’t want to see them again know I’ll have to. They are good grandparents to him, both of them and I can’t fault that but not coming here for Christmas. 

I wouldn't worry about Christmas. None of us will be going anywhere. We will all be in lock down again...................