First Steps to Solvency

ryanm8655

It is pretty uncouth for your FIL to be undermining you and saying things like that. He doesn’t sound an A hole tbh. Sounds like one of those “put people down to make themselves  feel better” types. That’s a real pet hate of mine. I’ve found the best way to deal with those types is just to call them out with a simple “grow up”. He clearly gets a rise out of getting under your skin, which is childish, he certainly shouldn’t be saying things like that in front of your son/trying to sour family gatherings. I’d even be tempted to say something like “you won’t be around forever so can we please make these family times civil and at least pretend to get along for the rest of the family’s sake”.

I wouldn’t hold the JV thing against him though, can completely understand not getting involved and hope that isn’t what soured your relationship. Family and money shouldn’t mix as far as I’m concerned. But if he’s got so much money stashed away then let him pay for things. Will make him feel better and will also save you cash, win win.

EDIT:

I think it’s fair enough your wife wants access to the finances. Accountability will do you good tbh. I get why you wouldn’t like it though.

As for temptation - as you say, just got to power through. Let work distract you. It’s half term here so how the house is even more manic than usual, so I’ll probably go to a coffee shop or the gym to work, which means spends but worth it for the sanity.

ZaSa1418

alt80 said:

Budget reset day - going to make a pledge to update this later or I’m going to avoid it haha. Want to spend money today not gonna lie. Last month it was something new and I suppose I was a bit more enthusiastic for it, this the punishment is really setting in tbh. Yep instant gratification ha. Need to push through.

Wife and I had a bit of a discussion about cards - she basically feels she can’t trust me and wants me to update her with what’s going on with them. Not a great place to be but all my fault for running up this and previous card binges. I’m not sure I want this long term - her wanting to pry into my finances and also she wants to know about any deals I take on which really is none of her business. Maybe my mindset is skewed which I’m sorting out not spending obscene amounts of money now but she’s risk adverse to stuff she shouldn’t be risk adverse about and it causes arguments no prizes for guessing where she gets that from haha. 

But they aren't just your finances they are hers too as you are married. I agree she doesn't need to know the business stuff but everything else she should. 

rugbymadfamily

I've said it before and I will say it again, being married means both people have to be involved in the finances. Doesn't matter if one earns all the money (as in your case) or significantly more of the money (as in my own case!). You both live in the house, you both eat the food, you both use the electricity, you both drive the cares. Therefore you both need to be involved in the finances.

With the personal finances, can you blame her for wanting to know?! This is the second time you have reached high levels of credit card debt.

In terms of the business, I normally would agree that it is your business. However, when you signed a personal guarantee putting the family home at risk (no matter how low risk you think this is) you made it her business too.

She isn't prying into YOUR finances, she is trying to get involved in the FAMILY finances. I definitely previously spoke very harshly about your wife previously (I think at that time you may have been leading us down the garden path and pinning the blame all on her!). But it sounds to me like she has her head switched on far more than you realise or give her credit for. 

alt80

Waiting for a work phone call back from someone and what am I doing ... looking for advent calendar for wife haha. Some nice fragrance / beauty ones. AdP one looks amazing. She’s said she doesn’t want one but going to be disappointed come the first December if she doesn’t get one I think. Usually get one for son (at least these are cheap ha), beauty one for wife, Master of Malt one for me and F&M hamper. Entertainment budget blown on first day haha.

Christmas f**king ruined this year and regretting telling wife we’re basically spending nothing more on it. I’m a child and like advent calendars both for me and seeing wife opening hers. 

RelievedSheff

alt80 said:

Waiting for a work phone call back from someone and what am I doing ... looking for advent calendar for wife haha. Some nice fragrance / beauty ones. AdP one looks amazing. She’s said she doesn’t want one but going to be disappointed come the first December if she doesn’t get one I think. Usually get one for son (at least these are cheap ha), beauty one for wife, Master of Malt one for me and F&M hamper. Entertainment budget blown on first day haha.

Christmas f**king ruined this year and regretting telling wife we’re basically spending nothing more on it. I’m a child and like advent calendars both for me and seeing wife opening hers. 

Just get some cheap chocolate advent calendars. You will still have something to open each day.

riotlady

Christmas isn't just about spending money- and you know this, deep down, because you're used to spending money freely all year round and still love Christmas, so there must be something else that makes it special for you. You can still have a lovely time on a budget. All the best things- putting up decorations, watching Christmas movies, Santa traditions, spending time with family, eating chocolate- are free or cheap. You just need a bit of money for a nice lunch and a few presents and you're sorted. 

ladyholly

But it is all her business. Cant you see she is probably worried and as long as you are married you are in a partnership not a sole trader.

riotlady

And yes to the chocolate advent calendars! I bet your wife doesn't even like half the stuff that comes in the beauty ones because they're never going to suit every complexion/hair type/personal taste. 

getmore4less

FIL can get this for the Son(and you to help him). (its reduced)
your Smyths East Point Retail Park store has 5 in stock

lostmyusername

I am a serious beauty addict and let me tell you, if she’s said not to get her a beauty advent calendar then don’t get her one. The trouble with them is that you end up with a load of tat that you don’t necessarily want, nor will you use. She will know what beauty products she likes and what suits her, and more likely than not it won’t be the crap in the beauty advent calendars. If you ask me, I’d rather have the money to pick out things that I want. 

Please don’t take this the wrong way because I am cheering for you in the background, but when it comes to your wife it seems like you want to have your cake and eat it. 

You want her to be more “driven”, more business minded, more interested in working. But you won’t let her make her own decisions (such as for her own car) and you think that her wanting to be involved in the family finances is “prying”. Would you enter into a business transaction with someone who has never looked at finances or can’t make her own decision? Of course not. 

You can’t have a pretty little housewife and want her to have a business or work a full time job too. There’s nothing wrong with being a homemaker if that’s what you both decide. But if that’s what you decide, don’t expect her to work outside the home. Don’t treat her with no respect because she doesn’t work in an outside the home job, because that’s the decision you’ve both made together. She looks after the house and the kid. 

And a 50s housewife would still run the household finances.