First Steps to Solvency

PassElephant

You are both doing so fine.
I get the not selling clothes and shoes. 
Got to have some fun times to look forward to.
Happy for you. Crack on.

ryanm8655

alt80 said:

Tomorrow is the last day before budget reset. Wife spent £70 today from entertainment. Thinking trying to meet £250 budget for it is going to be ok if we’re tier 3 next week but unrealistic going forwards once out of lockdown so will need to review. Looking like last of spends for this month as we aren’t doing anything involving spending tomorrow - I’m working mainly. Early dinner outside at in-laws (they’ve bought a patio heater haha). Tbf think I probably owe them an apology for losing it last week, I wasn’t in a good place and am a bit embarrassed about it now.

£3250 less spent than last month according to Yolt so big step towards living within my income.

Had another enquiry on watch... not getting my hopes up too much this time haha.

@DayDreamerandGeneralWaster we don’t really want to sell all our clothes / shoes we don’t wear often. I get a fair amount could be raised as we don’t buy cheap, throwaway clothing. Don’t go out very often nowadays but still nice to get dressed up when we do tbh. 

@ladyholly oh dear hope you get well soon and can be back in your heels soon. 

It's all trial and error, I had a totally unrealistic entertainment budget to start with and was giving myself a hard time about meeting it and in the end just made it more realistic. Though your budget is a lot tighter with mortgage, cars, school etc. But better to be realistic. £250 isn't loads for a family of 3 but then plenty survive on less. If you do up it then try and offset it elsewhere, whether that's the booze budget or being less wasteful with food or something else. But think you've done well tbh.

Fingers crossed on the watch!

Re: in laws, sure an apology would mean a lot.

ladyholly

Unfortunately it's never going to happen. Stuck with flats forever. 

ryanm8655

One other thing...with the reduced spends due to being in tier 3...make sure you make the most of it by using the savings to make extra progress on the debt, rather than seeing it as spare cash. Absolutely take advantage of the opportunity to go out for dinner while you can this week though.

alt80

I’m ambivalent - half determined to move on from the constant cycle of credit card debt / overspending and half want to carry on as I was. Pretend it’s not a problem and have the lifestyle I’m accustomed to. Very personal for me - can’t do stuff due to financial problems = my failure. It sets me off and starts the vicious cycle of anger / stress and subsequent depression. Not helping myself with drinking / other generally self destructive behaviours. Also know I can’t let this get to the remo situation again that was ridiculous and only really hurt myself in the long run. Some stress over what my life is going to look like if the income doesn’t improve / ever did dip lower than current. I still want the lifestyle not gonna lie. 

@PassElephant thanks. Don’t think we’ve got much to look forward to for the foreseeable - Covid and financial problems. Trying not to get into the bad state of mind or to the point I was around a week ago.

@ryanm8655 thanks. Thinking about just leaving as is for November with lockdown etc but need to have a think about it moving forwards. 

Tbh I know I’m not likely to ever be best buddies with FIL but it’d be nice to not be constantly trading insults. I’ve not got the energy for it right now tbf. Also know it’s not really fair on my son that I usually actively avoid being a part of her family, they do always invite me along to stuff but I usually just refuse to be involved. 9/10 go spending when wife’s at her parents’ so know it’ll at least keep me away from the shops.

If I do apologise tomorrow I know FIL will probably think I’m after something lol. Irony is they’ve probably got enough lying around in a bank account to pay off my debts and cars. A long, long time ago I tried to persuade him into a JV - I knew they’d got cash that just sits around and I knew I could make it work for them and for me win, win happy days everyone would think but not in FIL world. They’ve not had a mortgage for many years, very average house in average area, no vices unless you count one glass of wine each once in a blue moon, 10 year old Ford, 1x basic Spanish holiday a year, don’t spend on anything but same income (possibly more) as when FIL was working (public sector pension + state pensions etc). Money just builds in savings accounts that pay nothing FML. Thinking about money just wasted like that makes me angry.

alt80

ryanm8655 said:

One other thing...with the reduced spends due to being in tier 3...make sure you make the most of it by using the savings to make extra progress on the debt, rather than seeing it as spare cash. Absolutely take advantage of the opportunity to go out for dinner while you can this week though.

Me, see it as spare cash rather than throwing on at the debts, never! Haha.

Yes will be taking full advantage of at least one dinner out whilst we can though. 🥂

getmore4less

Good points about being realistic. 

Not everyone can cold turkey everything so it is quite important to work out what is workable for you.

Having categories that are tight is fine but impossible does not work, you just go over all time and often people fall into the trap of going over a little bit more each time or just give up. 

Clothes could fall into that category, set the budget to zero and each time you get something it does not register and another thing gets bought when a need/want happens. 

By setting something in the budget you have to think about all purchases and what you might need keep back for later. 

On the entertainment, current allocation is looking too low, rather than pay off debt any lockdown savings can go to making future months more realistic.

theoretica

alt80 said:

If I do apologise tomorrow I know FIL will probably think I’m after something lol. Irony is they’ve probably got enough lying around in a bank account to pay off my debts and cars. A long, long time ago I tried to persuade him into a JV - I knew they’d got cash that just sits around and I knew I could make it work for them and for me win, win happy days everyone would think but not in FIL world. They’ve not had a mortgage for many years, very average house in average area, no vices unless you count one glass of wine each once in a blue moon, 10 year old Ford, 1x basic Spanish holiday a year, don’t spend on anything but same income (possibly more) as when FIL was working (public sector pension + state pensions etc). Money just builds in savings accounts that pay nothing FML. Thinking about money just wasted like that makes me angry.

But it's not wasted - I bet he isn't kept awake at night with money worries.  It is buying them security and peace of mind and not costing them time dealing with it. A healthy attitude to money of stopping at 'enough'.  It is also absolutely not yours to mentally think what you could do with it or want to 'make it work for them and for me'.

ryanm8655

theoretica said:

alt80 said:

If I do apologise tomorrow I know FIL will probably think I’m after something lol. Irony is they’ve probably got enough lying around in a bank account to pay off my debts and cars. A long, long time ago I tried to persuade him into a JV - I knew they’d got cash that just sits around and I knew I could make it work for them and for me win, win happy days everyone would think but not in FIL world. They’ve not had a mortgage for many years, very average house in average area, no vices unless you count one glass of wine each once in a blue moon, 10 year old Ford, 1x basic Spanish holiday a year, don’t spend on anything but same income (possibly more) as when FIL was working (public sector pension + state pensions etc). Money just builds in savings accounts that pay nothing FML. Thinking about money just wasted like that makes me angry.

But it's not wasted - I bet he isn't kept awake at night with money worries.  It is buying them security and peace of mind and not costing them time dealing with it. A healthy attitude to money of stopping at 'enough'.  It is also absolutely not yours to mentally think what you could do with it or want to 'make it work for them and for me'.

While I do agree with most of this and agree with the sentiment. Having stacks of money that isn’t being used efficiently is a waste. His money will be losing value in real terms each year. Though I’d rather have the cash than be in debt, that’s for sure. Do think there is a balance though...what’s the point in living and working if all you do is squirrel every penny away and on top of that lose a chunk to inflation regularly. But we’re all different I guess.

theoretica

ryanm8655 said:

theoretica said:

alt80 said:

If I do apologise tomorrow I know FIL will probably think I’m after something lol. Irony is they’ve probably got enough lying around in a bank account to pay off my debts and cars. A long, long time ago I tried to persuade him into a JV - I knew they’d got cash that just sits around and I knew I could make it work for them and for me win, win happy days everyone would think but not in FIL world. They’ve not had a mortgage for many years, very average house in average area, no vices unless you count one glass of wine each once in a blue moon, 10 year old Ford, 1x basic Spanish holiday a year, don’t spend on anything but same income (possibly more) as when FIL was working (public sector pension + state pensions etc). Money just builds in savings accounts that pay nothing FML. Thinking about money just wasted like that makes me angry.

But it's not wasted - I bet he isn't kept awake at night with money worries.  It is buying them security and peace of mind and not costing them time dealing with it. A healthy attitude to money of stopping at 'enough'.  It is also absolutely not yours to mentally think what you could do with it or want to 'make it work for them and for me'.

While I do agree with most of this and agree with the sentiment. Having stacks of money that isn’t being used efficiently is a waste. His money will be losing value in real terms each year. Though I’d rather have the cash than be in debt, that’s for sure. Do think there is a balance though...what’s the point in living and working if all you do is squirrel every penny away and on top of that lose a chunk to inflation regularly. But we’re all different I guess.

A waste if the aim is to have more money next year - but it needn't be the aim if you have enough to cover the spending you want to do for the foreseeable future.  Similarly it is a 'waste' to have a spare bedroom that's not much used yet not rented out on airBnB - but to keep it and neither downsize nor rent it out is a choice for many people. Paying the inflation cost for ease of life is a decision - just as paying any other cost is a decision for the life you want.

I guess what I am saying is so much of spending could be classed as a 'waste' - and not earning is remarkably similar to spending.