First Steps to Solvency

alt80

Ha so latest thing this mad Monday my other watch has sold. £3600 so slightly more than anticipated. Only have my daily watch now which won’t be going anywhere. Will be clearing the BC from watch sale. I need to keep on taking the punishment get the debts paid keep the business ticking over - still want a home to live in lol to spend the rest of my life without nice things waiting to die. 

@RelievedSheff true always next year though - not going to be in lockdown forever. Perhaps I should just tell wife to have them over and I’ll see son in the morning and spend the rest of the day working. FIL can enjoy his family time in my mortgaged home all whilst feeling smug I’m in my office whilst he’s entertaining his family.

ryanm8655

alt80 said:

@stymied not me who shared the information but I knew she’d do that to me - whenever she’s angry with me her parents know every single !!!!!! detail. I don’t want to see them again know I’ll have to. They are good grandparents to him, both of them and I can’t fault that but not coming here for Christmas. 

Can understand that. Your wife is always going to tell her parents things but your FIL needs to grow up and not use that against you. Your wife is going to stick up for her dad, she’ll see it as him being protective and caring but it does more damage than good. I’d be livid.

I’ve made the same mistake to be honest, told family and friends about relationship issues or moaned about a partner and then it’s come back to bite me when they bring it up later on. People need to realise sometimes we say things to vent and it doesn’t give free reign to use that against you/them. So don’t be mad at your wife, it’s on your FIL.

Hold it together mate. Maybe go for a walk or a drive to chill out. I love my music so find a drive /walk while listening to music can calm me down/relieve the stress. Can understand the frustration of not going into the office. I’m really missing the office, especially now it’s half term. Most people I know are struggling at the moment, up and down like a yo-yo and that’s without the financial stress. Your mechanism for those situations seems to be to go out and buy things, need to try and find something else to fill it. Mine has always been going out and partying, which is just as bad ha. Gym? Walk? Drive? I usually drive down to the beach and chill.

alt80

Yeah I’m not happy about it. Was over it until FIL decided to bring it up in front of his son and try to undermine me. I have no problem providing for my family and earn more than FIL ever has. Wife is a nightmare for telling her parents about every single thing she thinks I’ve messed up - one of the main reasons I didn’t share the facts about the card debt with her for such a long time because I knew where she’d go with the information and knew he’d be like he is. Not really angry with her, I can’t say I have never moaned about her to my parents tbf but they don’t live 5 miles down the road and wouldn’t even come to the UK for their children’s weddings so aren’t going to come knocking on the door to score points.

No chance of going for a drive drive lol. Wife has gone with son in the BMW - no guesses for where ha. No ftype and RR is no sports car lol. Love my music too probably shouldn’t sit in a silent house with only my own thoughts. Been half term here last week and this week, back next week can’t find motivation to try to have a day off and spend day with son which is bad just know I’ll wind up spending.

Definitely some of the issue is the fact going out buying stuff is one of my three coping mechanisms in life. Other two no option of either and also self destructive. Just don’t see the point if this is the rest of my life struggling to get by living to a budget and having limited fun. The guilt of knowing it’s all first world problems and a lot are worse off than me but this is not even close to being enough isn’t a good place to be either.

riotlady

I actually don’t think seeing your GP would be a terrible idea tbh. Not in a “give me something to numb the pain” way, but because you do actually sound quite depressed. The lashing out at people, not being able to enjoy things, feeling hopeless about the future are all signs. 

Anyway, I hope you’re able to be kind to yourself today. Is there something comforting and inexpensive you could do tonight? Maybe watch a favourite childhood movie with your family? 

strawb_shortcake

Have you worked out what kind of disposable income you'd have once your debts are paid off? 
If you work out the essentials each month, even include a car on PCP or HP and consider what you'd do with remaining income. This is what you are working towards. 
As outsiders we can all see what a fantastic lifestyle you'll have once you've paid back that debt, it may not seem like it but it's temporary blip.
I agree there isn't any point dwelling on the past, but equally you have to accept and take responsibility for the position you find yourself in. 
We aren't short of money now, but I'd like to travel far more than we do, paying for 5 rather than 2 is prohibitive, but I know in 4/5 years all being well, my Husband and I will likely have a joint income of circa £5k per month, minimal mortgage and only one dependent child. Yes, sometimes its frustrating but that's life and as my husband says patience is a virtue.

But you are doing great

alt80

@riotlady don’t want to spend time with family tonight. Will walk dog with son and leave them alone. That’s the thing isn’t it - not what can you do that’s enjoyable? Just what can you do that’s enjoyable and costs nothing because you’ve f**ked up.

Usually a nice feeling getting paid not now. Just another reminder I’m not enough.

Too afraid to ask for some strong drugs to numb it all truth be told - still a part of me that cares about business growth and some belief I might make some proper money - should be starting to give up on that at my age ha.

@annabanana82 I’ve worked out I need £10.5-11k/m to have the life I did have. My head isn’t in the right place to vastly improve business right now. On current income, no cards I’m looking at being able to get to the point of getting the RR paid off and reassess cars then 5/6 years down the line mid-forties so hardly temporary. That’s if I stick with this budget or don’t withdraw son from school which tbh isn’t really fair for the reasons I’d be doing it - most days I think if he was out of that school I could get an AM.

riotlady

Not because you’ve “!!!!!! up”, but because you need to get away from the idea that spending money is the only way you can be happy. 

The problem isn’t that you have “failed” by not earning enough to buy whatever you want whenever you want it (if that’s the standard, surely the only people who have succeeded in life are Bill Gates, the Queen and a handful of others?), the problem is that you’ve told yourself your worth is only tied to what you earn and your happiness is dependent on what you can buy. 

What did you like doing when you were a child? Sometimes that’s a good place to start

theoretica

One thing which is striking me is the language you use about anyone in real life knowing your financial situation and contrasted to your openness on here.  You have found here people who know you are too fond of spending money, really like expensive cars and overdid it.  You have openly justified that being leveraged in the BTL is thought out and the right business choice for you.  And you have found that posters respect you are dealing with matters and sorting out what needs to be sorted out.  I hope eventually this will give you courage that most people in real life will take similar attitudes and while you may not choose to share all the details, you will feel less need to try to hide the truth.

alt80

Spent the last hour or so trying to work the money out for the month and given up. Can’t concentrate on it - forcing myself to do this keep on the straight and narrow. Not going to work long term. I need some kind of miracle on the mindset. Can’t carry on spending doing myself, family and business no favours. Yet I can’t even complete a very simple spreadsheet or answer an email right now. 

Not had a drink no plans to either.

@riotlady that’s the thing I’m trying to do the stuff the counsellor wants me to do to see myself in a different way but I don’t. The only positive thing I can do is earn well and the only thing that gives me a legal high is spending. 

I’ve got a lot of admiration for some of the people on here smashing the debts, positive and generally just having enjoying themselves along the way because they don’t need to buy their wife a £380 advent calendar to feel they’ve done something positive. That set me off seeing it and knowing I couldn’t buy it or all hell would break loose because she’s going through my card statements. 

Everyday I want to forget about personal life and put business first but my mind isn’t in the right place so I’m still coasting. Not something I’m used to tbh. Can’t face attending property meets (online) or business ones as - can’t even get my head together to write an email so wrapped up in the issues I’ve got going on. I used to help others starting out and have mentors. My business was everything and has seen me through some dark times. Used to enjoy being involved with property more so than it just being a cash cow but now what’s the point? Still get a buzz when there’s a deal, want to be a decent place to work. Work hard, earn plenty and have a laugh along the way. Good work culture, give staff work/ life balance, decent fee earners and decent salaries. Bojo took some of that and my debts have took some. Give tenants good places to live. No push over but no slumlord. 

Tbh I just liked general kid stuff playing outside, football, films, games etc lived in the middle of nowhere so out all the time mainly and not a lot else going on. 

JCS1

I do suggest a visit to GP as well.  There is  a high functioning depression where people hold down responsible jobs, etc.  There is also a tendency to hit out at those closest to you when feeling low, as a way of hurting yourself even more.  I also tend to push people away.