First Steps to Solvency

theoretica

Purplelady65 said:

No one has ever suggested that you spend nothing and have no life - that’s what you’ve put on yourself. I agree with everything @rugbymadfamily has said - your thinking is all or nothing. I can’t help but think bringing drugs back into your life is really bad news not just for you but for your family as well. 

Only one person suggested no spending and no life - and that was Alt himself. 

Several people have pointed out Alt's role as a male role model for his son - I think Alt may be himself in need of good role models.  People perhaps like the MG mate and FIL who sound like they enjoy life in a non-destructive way, spend when they can afford it and it is worth it, and don't rely on substances for their enjoyment.

But dealing with addiction does involve for many people resetting the counter to 1 and starting again - I for one hope you will restart that counter soon.

alt80

It’s not something I’m planning to make into a habit again tbh it wasn’t even much but I needed a release. Bit of regret looking at my card balance this lunch tbf lol knowing it’s just about going to be paid for but no dent into my other cards again ha. Bit embarrassing how little progress made with card balances this year tbh only influenced by me this weekend previous. I know it’s empty pleasure really but couldn’t go on as I was just as I couldn’t go on as I was precovid. 

MatyMoo

💔 for your family 😢

I so wanted it just to be a blowout on spending in shops

lady1964

alt80 said:

It’s not something I’m planning to make into a habit again tbh it wasn’t even much but I needed a release. Bit of regret looking at my card balance this lunch tbf lol knowing it’s just about going to be paid for but no dent into my other cards again ha. Bit embarrassing how little progress made with card balances this year tbh only influenced by me this weekend previous. I know it’s empty pleasure really but couldn’t go on as I was just as I couldn’t go on as I was precovid. 

I’m sure you’re not planning on making it into a habit but you will because you have done it before. 

You need to work hard on finding something to replace the addictions, of which you have several including the not spending, I think that became an addiction that you couldn’t sustain as we all need some pleasures in life, you seemed to be reigning it in quite well some time ago but it’s been taken to an extreme, a bit like your drug habit became and is likely to become again and you will lose control of that again and the drugs will control you.

amanda_p

'I enjoy a lifestyle a lot of you on here don't'.

Such a sad comment, I think most people on here wouldn't want your lifestyle. The majority of people are reasonably content with their lot whatever that might be. I have been following your diary and have been impressed with what you have been achieving. However at the end of the day you are an addict. A small amount of whatever, will start to dominate your life again and over time you will be on the slippery slope again spiralling out of control.This is the reason alcoholics can't ever have 'just one drink'.

Your son although young will have some understanding that this isn't how a 'normal' family rub along. As he gets older he will one day become aware of what you are doing , children are very astute and however much you think you are protecting him you are not.

Don't throw away this time with your son, you will never get it back. Very sad that someone who has so much to live for is willing to sacrifice such a lot for a few drug induced highs.

So no your lifestyle is not something many will aspire to.

kelpie35

Alt80 how does your wife feel about your fall from grace.

Also has you PIL seen your change of attitude.

Are you still on course to renew your marriage vows.

Iamouttheotherside

Congratulations Alt, so glad you "moderated", after all what is a few grand blow out - of course its moderated!  A few more "moderate" days and you will be soon back to the 6 figure debt, but your wife will have all the best handbags, balmain jackets in every colour, your son the best iPhones so they will be happy - or not!

Let me tell you your future, start off "moderate", either a Friday or a Saturday, it then becomes both, it then becomes Thursday "because its Friday tomorrow", you spend all day in bed on Sunday, you have to "use" on Monday because you need that kick to see you through the days work, after all you said, business first then family, so obviously you will "need" it to perform, then back to not sleeping, so having to take "just a little" midweek to get through, before you know it, back in the home office, snorting like a hoover till early hours again.  Business going down the pan, wife hopefully taking your son away from it all.  

Take it from someone who saw a friend, who had everything, he owned a plane, he had his private pilots licence, he had a bar, had the million pound house (years ago), had the booming business.  Lost the lot, sold it all bit by bit and shoved it all up his nose, now lives in a council house with burnt out cars to look out to from his bedroom window.

Oh and to top it all, he nearly died as the drugs had blown holes in his brain, now at 50 years old, he has severe memory loss, he can't work, he can barely hold a conversation. But he did "moderate" to start with too.

SanguineGina

alt80 said:

 it wasn’t even much but I needed a release. 

Couldn't you just have got totally blotto drunk for the release? Or doesn't that work for you?

Are you going to be letting the pros know about your relapse?

Are there no meds or anything that you could take to dampen down the cravings for coke?

What have other addicts done to get through and beyond the overwhelming brain hijack of craving coke?

How are you going to stop yourself sliding back into excessive addicted use going forward?

Do you think all the reasons that you gave for why you relapsed mightn't just have been addicted brain justifications?

theoretica

I don't think I've mentioned this before, but my mother grew up with an addicted parent.  She says she didn't realise when she was a child, but realised that was the name for it when she was older.  Her childhood was not great... 

Paspatur

Iamouttheotherside said:

Congratulations Alt, so glad you "moderated", after all what is a few grand blow out - of course its moderated!  A few more "moderate" days and you will be soon back to the 6 figure debt, but your wife will have all the best handbags, balmain jackets in every colour, your son the best iPhones so they will be happy - or not!

Let me tell you your future, start off "moderate", either a Friday or a Saturday, it then becomes both, it then becomes Thursday "because its Friday tomorrow", you spend all day in bed on Sunday, you have to "use" on Monday because you need that kick to see you through the days work, after all you said, business first then family, so obviously you will "need" it to perform, then back to not sleeping, so having to take "just a little" midweek to get through, before you know it, back in the home office, snorting like a hoover till early hours again.  Business going down the pan, wife hopefully taking your son away from it all.  

Take it from someone who saw a friend, who had everything, he owned a plane, he had his private pilots licence, he had a bar, had the million pound house (years ago), had the booming business.  Lost the lot, sold it all bit by bit and shoved it all up his nose, now lives in a council house with burnt out cars to look out to from his bedroom window.

Oh and to top it all, he nearly died as the drugs had blown holes in his brain, now at 50 years old, he has severe memory loss, he can't work, he can barely hold a conversation. But he did "moderate" to start with too.

Totally agree. No such thing as moderation with junk. My ex has not worked since he was 35 due to drug abuse. Now on walking sticks with a heart condition and can barely move from his armchair to bed. Sad sack of sh*t but it is still not his fault. I am so glad I got my kids away from that me, me ,me narcissist cr*p and justifying being a junkie.