First Steps to Solvency

downshifted

It’s the son I feel most sorry for. He had a father for a while, loved spending time with him, and now all that progress appears to be thrown away and it’s back to the ranting addict throwing money around. 

I haven’t posted for a while but I’ve been watching. The long silences recently have bothered me, but not as much as this reappearance of the old Alt. If it’s just been one setback this weekend then it could be recoverable quickly, but if he’s been in hiding recently because he didn’t want to admit he’d gone back to his old ways then it is a big setback.

What a shame

poppy811

Last email from Alt says it all. So sad but not surprised.

theoretica

The hair shirt really didn't suit you, and I can't say I am surprised it has come off - I am sorry it seems to have done so in a major blow out. I still hope you find a balance that is sustainable and happy for your whole family in the long term.

alt80

Think what you like, I know it’s about moderation, next weekend needs to be a quiet one etc and people rely on me. Yeah, I know it can’t go back to what it was and won’t, I know I need to moderate. I’m not going to be ashamed of it any longer and also want to get back some health, back to gym, eating well, walking; starting to live again.

I was destroying myself trying to be some kind of saint, completely !!!!!! depressing for me. What I have learned is I need to put my responsibilities first including not spending like a madman but have some fun to look forward to in my life also.

@RelievedSheff You have your van, helps you switch off from other things in life and something you enjoy. I’m not letting what did become an addiction own me anymore see why you think what you do but just not the case anyhow you know I’ve got a lot of time for you even though we’ve different priorities in life. I of course wish you well but you don’t need it; you’re already smashing it 100% still aiming get over that debt free line similar time to you mate before we build the next lot ha.

@poppy811 I’m sorry you are so ill but that doesn’t give you the right to try to guilt trip others. All the best and I wish you well.

@downshifted I’m making time for family, most important thing after business, rest is just the icing and sprinkles. 

@theoretica haha yeah it’s def not for me lol I’m good thank you, bit of a blow out this weekend tbf I know but a good one and as you say all about balance. 💯

katsu

Maybe I'm naive.  I assumed @alt80 meant he'd been spending money in the shops/ on eating and drinking whilst out with his wife. She wouldn't be happy if it was on drugs I'm sure. 

I hope I'm right, but it looks like I'm not quite. Alt you can find a balance and have a good time with your family whilst also reducing your debt. Debt repayment and lifestyle change are both more about being steady over time. 

Gambling and drinking can be just as worrying as drugs, its about whether you are in control of your life or not.  I think we are all worried that if you are taking drugs, that the frequency will creep up and you'll lose some of the good things about your life: your clarity in business and the quality of your relationships with your family. 

You've clearly been quite unhappy and under strain for a while so I hope you can work with the professionals to find a way to live a more balanced life. 

stymied

I was with you @katsu but it sounds like I was also wrong 😢

rugbymadfamily

Oh Alt, I'm heart broken for you and your family. There is no such thing as moderation when it comes to a substance you are addicted to, am so sad that you think there is nothing to look forward to in life other than the weekends when you can do a bit of blow. 

You say living like a complete saint was killing you, but there was never any need to go that far with it. Just shows that you have an all or nothing type personality, which is why you will not be able to moderate or control the powder. There is something in between sainthood and complete destruction. That place is enjoying a few drinks with a meal, spending money when its planned purchases, enjoying weekends away and holidays.

I wish your son the best of luck, I grew up with an addict dad and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. 

alt80

@rugbymadfamily It was controlling me when I wasn’t touching it absolutely !!!!!! killing me to the point I wanted to move away and bin my business. Never experienced anything so !!!!!! awful in my life as that pressure for 100% clean living, no spending and no life. I was waking up marking a day on my calendar and thinking this is another day I’m alive how many until I get to never have to mark another. I was putting my family through hell, that was also killing me. I’m ok now. Tbf I know it’s not great and something I shouldn’t want in my life but I did moderate it, Sunday wasn’t amazing but even that better than I’ve been in a long time, had a long sleep Sunday night and think I’ve learned my lesson going forwards. Only time will tell I know but feel better now than in ages.

Purplelady65

No one has ever suggested that you spend nothing and have no life - that’s what you’ve put on yourself. I agree with everything @rugbymadfamily has said - your thinking is all or nothing. I can’t help but think bringing drugs back into your life is really bad news not just for you but for your family as well. 

ladyholly

You moderated this Sunday but what about next Sunday and the one after that and so on . You have said in the past that you couldnt go on as you were but you now seem to be heading down that path again. All this time that you have been clean you have been more concerned about you but you are a husband and even more importantly a father. Think how you used to spend your time hiding away from your son. Do you really want to go back to that not to mention the example you are setting him. I know you say he doesnt know and maybe he doesnt - Yet. He will figure it out and if he starts to go down the same path and get into even worse stuff how are you going to feel? By the time that happens will you still have a wife?

Of course with luck he will see what it does to you and reject the whole lifestyle thing but he may not and you could end up with no son and no wife. Yes worse case scenario but think long and hard about what is really important to you.

As purplelady65 has said no-one has suggested abstinence from life but you dont seem to be able to differentiate between what is having a life and what is what you have been trying to achieve which is anything but normal.

One person who will be happy is your wealthy mate.