First Steps to Solvency

getmore4less

alt80 said:

Well Monday not been the best start was awake 6am but didn’t get up my boy thinks I’m unwell and is worried about me if I didn’t feel bad enough already. Had to laugh at the mention of scaling my business on here I don’t even care about making more money anymore tbh I don’t spend and I don’t see the point beyond giving my wife more to spend and tbh I’ve not got the energy if she wants to !!!!!! and find someone doing better in life I get that, it’s fair enough really. Do have fleeting thoughts about working towards a new home but most of the time don’t even see the point in that. Scaling up just seems more responsibility to more people and rn seems I’m responsible for too many. Tbh everyone tells me how ‘well’ I’m doing purely because I’m coming up to a year off the coke but my mental health is shredded, life completely !!!!!! empty all I can think about is ensuring I stay away from situations and avoiding shops. 

I know I needed to stop spending like an absolute !!!!!! madman and couldn’t just carry on refinancing assets indefinitely but where I am rn being the consequence of that fml times I think might as well just relapse have some fun if I didn’t have responsibilities to far too !!!!!! many people.

If you really have turned the got to level up all the time corner then stop busting a gut and working all the time.

Consolidate what you have make it work for you with some organic growth.
That was working well a few months back as you got quite enthusiastic about the recruitment and mentoring for you and by you.

You do seem to have got the spending freeze issue(that I have) its not about zero spends its about finding the right things to be spending on, many of which would be things with the family.

When are the Greece trips this year, maybe work on that a bit together they are certainly high value trips for everyone.

Your son is right you are ill.
Get your routines back
take son to school, work, pick up son from school, finish at lunch on Friday, if you can't face going out look at picnics or planning a meal at home maybe BBQ .

Weekends off work with things planned as a family, plan some days out with MG mate.

alt80

Working is all I have to keep me level and not going to give up the only thing I do have rn. Am trying to eat a bit of lunch today away from my office first time in I think a few weeks tbf do need a bit more of a balance. Another bank holiday weekend this one coming will be very glad when they’re done. 

I am still recruiting and mentoring staff; they are generally doing well and have another starting after the bank hol this weekend. Business looking healthy which is nice to see, one positive thing about keeping off the stuff I see things for what they are business wise and have a clearer path that I work to.

Meant to be going to Greece end of May and October like last year.

Wife and son went for lunch and drive with MG mate and his wife yesterday. They had a nice time, son loved getting to have a ride in three different cars and gets wife talking about something other than the gym and her face lol. 

stymied

Hooray!!! I love that you always get to good thinking in the end ‘Routine and carrying on doing the good things are really important in recovery’. A million people could tell you but it’s useless unless you realise it yourself. I also love that so many people on here genuinely care and believe that you can make it

enthusiasticsaver

You seem to have got yourself into a bit of a pickle @alt80 and I do not think I am the only one seriously concerned about your mental health at the moment.  Some sort of pro or medical  help may be needed here as you seem to have sunk into a deep depression.  Getting on top of your finances is not about stopping spending but spending on things of value to you rather than mindless spending.  Whether that is a fun car like the MG or a bigger house or your holiday to Greece it is about spending better not spending less providing of course it is in budget.  As far as work is concerned I think your upbringing is partly responsible for the ingrained belief you seem to have that if you are not working all hours of the day you are lazy.  As with money spending time usefully is not all about working but playing hard too.

Of course for you it might be that you think if you do not occupy your time with working you are then tempted to go back to the old bad ways so presumably the pros can help you  with that. I think you need to find something to do which is not work related but gives you a sense of well being whether that be exercise, cooking, out and about with your boy and wife. How about cycling? 

alt80

Had a quieter day today and lunch tbf my diet has been a joke the past few weeks pack of mini cheddars and a load of cake at work and chicken salad at home. I can’t carry on like I have been doing, want to try to plan some things for the coming weekend not be so negative about there being no real work Saturdays and Sundays. Tbh feel I missed out on yesterday since writing on here and first time I’ve thought maybe I could start driving again idk. 

Regarding park run that would be nice to do at some point. I haven’t been running in a fair while and exercise generally gone to !!!!!! as my Mrs says I’m rn the !!!!!! definition of skinny fat fml be just fat if I carry on with the cake lol. Should get back to the gym I know and keep at it.

@mark55man thank you I should perhaps start reading more and something other than recovery / accounts of people who have been successful basically just feeling !!!!!! about myself.

I did have the body keeps score on audiobook was a bit hard going before sleep though and found it just kept me awake. 

@Amber1980 Lost is the word just given up like nothing worth living for. Have spoken to the pros today first time in a little while. Work for something to do and realisation I can’t just keep it to a bit of fun at the weekends. Lot of regrets but I don’t want to wind up one of those people who lose the lot because I feel like !!!!!! and need a pick up. Sounds !!!!!! mad in my state of mind but I have a lot to lose, too much.

@warby68 Sorry to hear your weren’t well; I know what you mean about ‘intellectually’ it would be good vs what you want to do at that given time. Tbh it’s the only reason I’ve got this far this time and haven’t had numerous relapses. Suppose I’d like to hope I’m not completely thick and have a couple of brain cells left somewhere. I know what closing off does tbh I spent the weekend reminiscing old times that haven’t been a reality for a very long time, way before covid since it was a ‘good time’. I still crave it far more than I should nearly a year on and I know wish I could still have a bit at the weekends like normal people do. 

strawb_shortcake

alt80 said:

Had a quieter day today and lunch tbf my diet has been a joke the past few weeks pack of mini cheddars and a load of cake at work and chicken salad at home. I can’t carry on like I have been doing, want to try to plan some things for the coming weekend not be so negative about there being no real work Saturdays and Sundays. Tbh feel I missed out on yesterday since writing on here and first time I’ve thought maybe I could start driving again idk. 

Regarding park run that would be nice to do at some point. I haven’t been running in a fair while and exercise generally gone to !!!!!! as my Mrs says I’m rn the !!!!!! definition of skinny fat fml be just fat if I carry on with the cake lol. Should get back to the gym I know and keep at it.

@mark55man thank you I should perhaps start reading more and something other than recovery / accounts of people who have been successful basically just feeling !!!!!! about myself.

I did have the body keeps score on audiobook was a bit hard going before sleep though and found it just kept me awake. 

@Amber1980 Lost is the word just given up like nothing worth living for. Have spoken to the pros today first time in a little while. Work for something to do and realisation I can’t just keep it to a bit of fun at the weekends. Lot of regrets but I don’t want to wind up one of those people who lose the lot because I feel like !!!!!! and need a pick up. Sounds !!!!!! mad in my state of mind but I have a lot to lose, too much.

@warby68 Sorry to hear your weren’t well; I know what you mean about ‘intellectually’ it would be good vs what you want to do at that given time. Tbh it’s the only reason I’ve got this far this time and haven’t had numerous relapses. Suppose I’d like to hope I’m not completely thick and have a couple of brain cells left somewhere. I know what closing off does tbh I spent the weekend reminiscing old times that haven’t been a reality for a very long time, way before covid since it was a ‘good time’. I still crave it far more than I should nearly a year on and I know wish I could still have a bit at the weekends like normal people do. 

Do you really think it's normal to take a bit at weekends? I know it's very prevalent but I wouldn't consider it normal by any stretch.

But, I am really sorry to hear you aren't great at the moment, I hope you can find a path back to what seemed to be a happy and content you. 

It may not feel it at the moment, but you have the means to fill both yours and your families life with experience and opportunities, it isn't about spending money for the sake of it but having a rich and fulfilling life. You've realised you don't need the price tags, but no one wants or needs a life devoid of living, experiencing and feeling glum. 

Outward_bound

I have followed your thread/s from the start, but don't normally post - tonight I feel I have to:
While usage may be the norm, it is far from normal, but if you were only ever around people who used, that would be your world view.

Does your MG mate use? I doubt it very much, he sounds like a good influence, but you chose to shut him out of your life while lusting after your cokehead mate sniffing his life away on IG with a younger girlfriend who would do a runner if/when the money and/or coke ran out.

I realise I am being harsh, but you're painting a rosy picture of a previous life which didn't exist, except in your chemically-induced state.

Your family clearly want you around, you realise that they and your staff depend on you and I applaud that.

You are still an addict, albeit currently clean, but please listen to your supporters on here and talk to the pros, a professional mental health practitioner experienced in addiction and recovery.

Purplelady65

I think you’re still finding your way as you make this transition to a different (and better although it might not feel like it at the moment) life. You’ve spent over 20 years focused on building a business, driving expensive cars, owning a big house, buying high end products and taking substances. However it’s cost you a lot in terms of your mental health and the stress and pressure you’ve put yourself under and with little time spent with your family. You’ve recognised that you don’t want that life anymore or you would like it but the price in terms of the pressure and stress and the potential risk to your business and family is too big a price to pay. However you seem to be struggling with building a different lifestyle but one which is better for you, your family and ultimately more enjoyable and fulfilling. You also seem to be reminiscing with rose tinted glasses. The weekends you were dreaming about with old friends you’ve said in much earlier posts you’d parted ways with friends a long time before Covid and this was when you were taking drugs so it’s not as if life with drugs was maybe as good as you’re remembering it was. I think as others have suggested you either need to see a GP to be assessed for depression and a prescription for anti depressants or make a determined effort to engage in life. Lying in bed while your wife and son go out with your friends isn’t ideal for any of you. You have the funds to be doing some really exciting things at weekends - you need to try and get back out there which I appreciate is maybe harder than it sounds but doing nothing isn’t a good option really as otherwise nothing will change apart from you getting even more fed up and lethargic. 

Grumpelstiltskin

Outward_bound you are so right.

Alt you can't be jealous of your 'mate's' lifestyle. His girlfriend would be nowhere in sight if he was a van driver with an average wage whos idea of a good night out was 6 pints of Fosters and his idea of a good holiday was a week in a caravan at SkegVegas.

You must for everyone's sake join the real world.

theoretica

I wonder if you are also putting too much pressure on yourself to be 'doing' stuff, especially when with your family. Just being there, in the same room, even if you are reading work related things, counts.  On which topic, are there any things you would like to read that might be both interesting and feel work related?  Architectural styles, or conservation methods for old buildings or insulation and net zero homes or...