First Steps to Solvency

stymied

There’s some really nice non alcoholic beers now. Have a dry BBQ in your garden (I think you splashed out on a decent one last year?). Invite the in laws just ask them only to bring alcohol free drinks.

Do you have any sunflower seeds left from last year? Or the garden centre should have little veg plants to choose with your son.

Did you see the challenge someone on Facebook lockdown group is doing with their children? They get £10 and have to try to turn it into as much as possible in 6 months. Oldest child managed £650 for a laptop! Youngest child is now buying and selling labelled clothes. Your boy may have a good eye if you take him to a boot sale.

I’m afraid you’re  just going to have to push through and try some activities if you don’t want to go for antidepressants. If you keep to ‘safe’ activities i.e. alcohol and ‘mate’ free locations, what’s the worst that could happen?

Cherryfudge

alt80 said:

@Cherryfudge I’m not saying it’s the best thing, just can’t deal with it rn. Stopped the Friday lunches last one we did I was really struggling wanted to drink and stay out and what that inevitably leads to. Didn’t but every time but a few times when I’ve been out it’s nothing but a massive battle and just not worth it. Try to tell myself it’s normal but I know it’s not. Can just about forget about it when I’m working and that’s about the only time. Today the sun is out here, Friday evening so everyone is on it and I’m on my own at home with my list of work I can do this evening and tomorrow to take my mind off it for a bit.

With such a strong association between going out and drinking I can see it's a mighty battle. Remember you won that round though, and every time you win you break the hold a bit more. I don't know enough about longer term effects of drink/drugs to say what stage this is but I do know there will have been others with similar battles. I wonder how they have dealt with it?

Sun_Addict

There are lots of decent alcohol free drinks now so it wouldn’t attract attention if that’s what you’re concerned about. I assume you think if you did have an alcoholic drink it would lead to worse things as I don’t recall you had a problem with alcohol previously. I have some Muslim colleagues at work who are more than happy to go in pubs but obviously they don’t drink and no one bats an eyelid.

I hope you can find a solution to this, it’s not doing you any good hiding away by yourself.

warby68

In what way did the lunches not work?

Is every venue, even with just your wife and at lunchtime rather than evening, triggering?

You can't hide forever, you're replacing one big problem with another if you're not careful. Got to live and live differently not just give up (and I know I'm repeating but if you really can't see it or do it, then maybe you do need the extra level of depression related help)

ladyholly

Are you still cooking with your son?  Perhaps on Friday finish work in time to collect him from school and cook a nice meal for you all. This would make Friday a little special and give you a valid reason not to go out. It would not be a bad idea if you took him shopping to buy the things you need for the meal. During the meal it gives you chance to talk about his week at school or what he has done if not at school and think of things that he would like to cook the following week and what he would like to do the next weekend with you.

I understand that you dont want to take antidepressants in which case you have to do it yourself. I tried to get help but there was none available without paying a lot of money which I simply didnt have so I said to myself well either I go under or I fight this. I know that sounds simplistic but it worked. You have fought one battle and won this is another that you can win. Be strong and think you need to do it for you.

alt80

@stymied my wife is hoping for a bbq this coming bank holiday weekend. I've said if it's just her parents only and they know I don't drink anymore.

Our garden is blooming has been since end of March and my wife and son are looking after the garden so am I went I'm up to it but most of the time I'm completely whacked.

Hadn’t seen that challenge, no but I doubt my son would be interested. He isn’t bothered about making additional money. No interest in business even said he hopes he doesn’t have to work when he’s grown up like mummy fml lol.

I don’t have the energy to do much apart from work. Rn I’m only up because I’m waiting for my wife to come home which won’t be for hours.

 

@Cherryfudge / @Sun_Addict I don’t have a problem with alcohol but it leads onto the next level. I’ve spent years and years trying to stop using on and off and this has been the most successful attempt by far. Don’t get me wrong if I could without consequence I would 100% tbh I miss it. Ridiculous I know and consequences not worth it ultimately I know that too but it is what it is really.

I have a few Muslim friends too who don’t drink, they are all people I have more respect for than to take to pubs though tbf. I do know some Muslims who drink but that’s a different matter haha and I’m no one to judge.

 

@warby68 Two-fold really I felt awful coming away from work and I also didn’t want to put myself at risk. Wife also wanted to go into town and I know it’s ridiculous but I knew if I went into town with her that lunch I was going to relapse. Day before was last day I drove anywhere myself.

 

Iswyacf, don’t want to !!!!!! this up this time. I start using again and the spending will go up and the whole !!!!!! cycle starts again know that much and not worth it.

 

@ladyholly No. I am spending time with him though. I make sure I talk to him everyday either in person or on FaceTime. Tbf when I have the energy that sounds nice, he’ll enjoy that, still likes his cooking and his food haha, thanks.

 

I still speak to the pros it’s not helping much rn. It’s not antidepressants I need it’s a prescription stimulant to get through the home life but they won’t listen to me and it doesn’t matter that I do pay them they won’t give me what I want just think I’m trying to score drugs.

Cherryfudge

I don't think a prescription stimulant would do anything but possibly create another dependency. If your body is asking for rest, there could be a number of causes and rather than treating the symptoms, you need to dig down to find the cause(s). It could be a mixture of things: mental state, nutrition, the sheer effort of keeping clean and focussing so hard... I think if there were underlying illness it would have shown up by now. Could it be that as you get closer to a year, that in itself is creating pressure which is showing itself through you feeling permanently worn out? If so, you will feel better once the milestone has passed.

There is a book which I admit I haven't finished yet: 'When the body says no'. It's about how the body creates symptoms in order to deal with stress. I wonder if there's anything in there that might help?

And are you still doing some of those short meditation sessions? Perhaps some of those might fill some time while you're waiting for your wife this evening?

warby68

Medication wise, as in everything else, you're looking for the quick fix and it takes you a while to accept that these are the least likely to work in the long run.

Has the GP actually suggested anti-d's ? 

What do the Pros say about you feeling you will fall off the wagon if you simply go for a meal with your wife? I would imagine there are strategies for rebuilding.

As before, you might not be the best judge of what's best for you even though you are 100% sincere in trying to stay clean. I wish I knew more really.  I've only been connected tenuously to serious addiction problems but I know recovery has involved good daily routines with a mix of activities. 

Back to basics, are you on that daft diet again? It made a mess of you before. If you are, it could account for your lack of oomph on a lot of fronts.

RelievedSheff

For what it's worth I think your GP is right not to give you any prescription drugs. 

That will only lead to another addiction. 

You need to find your own way out of this rabbit hole you have created for yourself. 

SusieT

Stupid though it may sound, when you look at the thought for the day thing on the calendar, could you decide on of 1 thing that is good about you that will be your personal thought for the day, and repeat it a lot to yourself? Its a way of trying to replace the negativity, start to make you think better of yourself and hopefully you then start to realise exactly how good you really are and how much you deserve to be a lot happier than you are at the moment. Keep going, you are doing a great job, and at some point those people that are thoughtless(to be nice to them) towards you will have to admit that they are totally wrong and that you deserve praise and a lot of respect for getting clean.